Humor + Wit

[source]

We all know that humor in various aspects is an important, if not one of the most important aspects to picking up chicks. Making them laugh, catching them off guard, all of it, eventually leads to gaining comfort in their presence and eventually...

... fcking them silly.

So... I think it would be a good idea to start a thread covering some of your favourite approaches, jokes, one liners, and generally any successful patterns that help you out on the feild.
Anyone with me?

Also, I would like to not limit this thread to JUST humor, but any other witty, stylish one liners that you like.

... let the games begin!

 

[Aramas]

Humour and wit are the fruits of a vibrant intellect and are best served fresh. The canned stuff is no substitute for the real thing.

 

[source]

And a vibrant intellect results from a diverse range of stimuli that you experience and absorb on a day to day basis. Your environment shapes you, it is impossible to create something from nothing. Even the best comedians are inspired by other comedians.

I'm asking people to lend a little bit of their wit, so that maybe others may be inspired. Not for the purpose of rehearsed repetition. Maybe some of us can get a glimpse into the vibrant intellects that many of the master Don Juans possess. Maybe someone else’s joke/wit/technique will be a catalyst for a new and interesting joke/wit/technique.

So, having said that... anyone got anything?

 

[jtws]

Well you could read widely

to widen your horizons

make sure your mind is wide awake

Gosh that was lame.

 

[THA REALNESS]

Tired of the attention

I'm starting to get sick of this sh1t.It's really too easy for me. I don't even have to try to attract women . They are all over me. All the time.....ALL THE TIME. School,Home,,clubs ,bars. The Bank,The Bus Stop...I can not go 2 minutes withoutsome women ,Old or underage,staring me down or hitting on me. Fine. OK.I'm a man i get it i'm supposed to apreciate it and enjoy because it will be over one day.But DAMN WOMEN !TAKE IT EASY!


How would you like it if girls that dig you but your not interested in bash you constantly to the ones you are intersested in .How would you like it if EVERY woman you know assumed you where a player and couldn't be trusted .How would you like it if guys automatically start hating on you without even knowing you ,just because your name(and D1ck) is always in the mouths of all b1tches!And because of this they try to test you non-stop.





I feel like a fukking prostistute or like some boy toy,yes i feel used and yes i'm catching feelings over it.
I'm starting to actually try and get rejected just for fun and doesn't work,i could grab a girls left nipple squeeze really hard and scream in her ear that she's a worthless skank and they'd just probably play it off.MY AMBITIONZ AZ PLAYA HAVE *** BACK TO HAUNT ME YA'LL!!!I'M TOO GOOD 4 D HOOD!!!

 

[source]

So uh... why the fvck did you post that little ego trip in this thread? Are you delusional or something? Did I miss something?

 

[Ice Cold]

Originally posted by source
So uh... why the fvck did you post that little ego trip in this thread? Are you delusional or something? Did I miss something?

Word to that. And it's not the first time he's ego tripping


Anyways - all this wit and humour and game and smoothness comes from having a plan and a set of rules.

I find that if I have a plan and stick to it, no matter how crazy it seems, I usually come off as smooth and witty.

For example - I know you want to bed a hot girl. I know the conditions: "she's gonna be a fukkbuddy, she's gonna like me/infatuated in me, but she'll know we're not bf/gf"

Then I design the seduction plan, with little steps. I watch the girl and find out about her, I get to know her and the carry out the plan.

If I do that, I come out really smooth. If I don't have a plan and some hot girl talks to me I sometimes sound like a chump, even though she may be coming onto me.


So having a plan is the key

 

[revelashon]

THA REALNESS..?

wat a ****!ng dork

lol

 

[source]

Thank you Ice Cold for an on topic post , I was starting to get worried.

I find your plan tactic very interesting as many people openly express the exact opposite - (ie. Aramas). I think, that in the beginning stages of developing humor / wit, it's much easier when you have an example, when you have some sort of original inspiration or a plan.

The thing is, with people who say that these things should roll off naturally - maybe for some they do, but in the case of me and many others, some of us don't normally walk into a situation, and constantly think about how to make people laugh. Not all of us are putting all of our mental effort in to how to appear witty, etc. Maybe that could be from some sort of insecurity, or maybe not.

I think that's where the mentality needs to change - more thought needs to be put in how to verbally entertain, how to catch people off guard, etc. I've heard the expression somewhere on this board before that as a DJ you are a master entertainer - and what better way to develop confidence and attract women.

So, any 'master entertainers' out there that want to lend some advice?

 

[MikeYikes122]

I wonder if this dude really believes this stuff. I mean it looks like you spend your for share of time on here judging by your post count. Maybe these "b1tches are sucking you off" while you sit on your family's computer.

 

[Sir Lancelot]

Well I don't have any funny examples on me right now but ..

My funny-level (haha) has increased a lot lately, because I make it a chore for myself to watch comedy EVERY day. At least a half hour of it. Try to watch different kinds of comedy, to find the kind you like best. Personally, I'm a real big fan of the Jon Stewart political bashing kind of stuff.

It's also good to be mindful of your surroundings. This means living in the moment -- not the future, and not the past.

Also, timing is critical when delivering a line or a joke. Again, watching comedy can help you fine tune your timing. Hanging out with funny people is also a great way of improving.

I think that using canned lines is OK when it's in context (don't use an off-topic canned line, that's just cheesy and lame) and if it's delivered correctly.

 

[Deadpan]

I'm a funny guy. Unfortunately I can't convince you all through this format, but I'll give some suggestions. They've worked for me.

When you crack a joke, and everyone around you is laughing, don't laugh with them. Just shake your head or sigh or look blankly. Believe me, for whatever reason, it makes the joke even funnier.

It's not about the subject, its about the delivery. For instance, a good female friend of mine was showing a group of us pictures from her trip to Seattle. They were lousy pictures. Blurry, shadows, nothing of substance. I took one, held it up for all to see, and said, "This right here will pave the way for your photographic career". Or something equally stupid. Got some laughs. But then I took another equally bad picture, and started comparing the two. Just made a big deal out of nothing. I know I'm joking, they know I'm joking, but I'm playing it with a straight face.

I was on a date with a girl. I said something and she giggled and her tongue darted out, perhaps subconsciously. I laughed and did the same tongue thing. Needless to say, she caught it, and was blushing and laughing.

I know all of the above sounds so dumb, but all it takes is the right tone of voice and a little gesticulation, and you've got humour, and you've got wit.

 

[jakethasnake]

hmm..

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Deadpan

When you crack a joke, and everyone around you is laughing, don't laugh with them. Just shake your head or sigh or look blankly. Believe me, for whatever reason, it makes the joke even funnier.

It's not about the subject, its about the delivery.

Actually, you make a very good point here, Deadpan. I've noticed this too. I used to laugh together with people when I cracked jokes, and occasionally I still do, but most of the time, the best deliveries are when you are serious.

I think what happens is that if you say something funny, and you laugh at it, it just seems like you're some loser entertaining himself and totally full of yourself even (not in a ****y arrogant way, but rather just like you seem like a one-man show). However, if you're all serious, people will laugh sometimes to break the awkward silences. I don't know, it's difficult to explain.

I think the key is that if you're serious, it seems more spontaneous and less canned, thus it's unexpected. If you tell someone you're going to tell them a joke, for example, then they prepare themselves to laugh, which creates an expectation in their minds that what they hear is going to be funny. If what you say doesn't match what is funny in their mind, then it's sort of anticlimactic. Sort of like something that's over-hyped. It loses it's luster once you actually see it. Blockbuster movies often suffer this problem.

Just an interesting thought...

 

[Deadpan]

"I think the key is that if you're serious, it seems more spontaneous and less canned, thus it's unexpected."
-Becker

That's exactly what I was trying to say. You said it much more succintcly. Its better to get a "Oh my god, he's got me in hysterics and he's not even trying" than a "That was pretty funny, but I think I've heard a variation of it before".

 

[Aramas]

Imo humour is a very personal thing, and so what works for one person is unlikely to work for another. I have a particularly dry (and at times sarcastic) sense of humour, and is more along the lines of eliciting a grin and chuckle from people that are quite intelligent and well read. Mostly it involves getting people to use their minds to reach a conclusion that I haven't actually verbalized - and I'm not referring to double entendre. Most people don't even realize that I didn't say it until I point it out.

There are also cultural differences - I have a preference for British humour such as Hitchiker's Guide, the Pythons, Blackadder, The Young Ones, red Dwarf, Fawlty Towers etc. For the most part American TV humour is completely lost on me, and mostly seems to revolve around setting up embarrassing situations for people and laughing at them - which is odd because there are plenty of good US comedians - just not on TV shows.

Most of the things I say in jest would be impossible for other people to pull off, or even get away with.

Ice's bit about his 'plan' approach is interesting - rather like humour these things are also quite personal. I see a plan as causing a complex web of missed opportunities while focusing on the 'prize', but other people see it differently - whatever works for you. I'd much rather wing it from moment to moment than try to realize an agenda, but a lot of people seem to need a specific direction rather than just embracing spontaneity

 

[DJmonster]

Here's some stuff I do sometimes:

-when telling a story, even if it is a really entertaining one, once I'm finished telling everything that actually happened, I keep going. I let my imagination take over, and I keep exagerating until the story is so outrageous, the girl is giving me the deer in the head lights look. Usually I just keep going until she says something like "no!", "you're kidding!", "are you serious!" Then I'll swear that its true, being completely serious. As soon as I've got her convinced I'm not lying, I'll say something like, "ok-so-that-didn't really happen" or "you know what?.... know that I think about it..... none of that stuff actually happened!" At that point I usually get a playful hit, or she calls me a name, or something like that.

-play the unreasonable excuses game. rule's of the game: tell her she has to do something, and give her a completely irrelevant reason of why she has to do it. Example, "Hmm... Well, I guess since you've got big feet, you'll have to let me pick the movie tonight." (notice you get to throw in a neg-hit if you want)

-when you see a girl in public, and you can tell she's excited to catch up to you and talk, especially if she yells your name and is trying to wave you down. Either pretend to run away, or hide.

 

[becker]

Aramas, I can see the type of humor you're talking about. I've gone through a phase where I've tried to be a little more high brow and sophisticated with my humor, but let me tell you, in my experience, that type of humor is best left to the movies, because in reality, it only works with a select group of persons.

I feel it's much more effective to operate under what I call the "common denominator". Basically, the common denominator means that the more you can find something funny that people can relate to, then the more likely you're going to elicit laughter from them. Your target audience is also relevant in this, but if you find the lowest common denominator that you can, then you will be able to make more people laugh. A good example is Jim Carrey in "Dumb and Dumber". Most people will probably find some of the stuff he does pretty funny, especially in that movie. I actually don't find that many of his movies that funny, mainly because the type of jokes that he was saying in movies like "The Mask" simply were not so funny because it was almost too much physical comedy rather than jokes.

Oh well, just a thought, it's late, getting sleepy...

 

[becker]

One more tip. Do you ever notice that many times the people who are least trying to be funny are usually the funniest people you know?

I'd say pay attention to their delivery, because it's probably the main reason why what they're saying is so funny. If you find a guy with a NY/brooklyn accent and you have them tell a joke vs. some dork with a normal voice, I promise the guy with a brooklyn accent will be funnier even if it's the same joke.

I think that's what you were getting at, Deadpan.

 

[jakethasnake]

Have you seen the mpeg movies from porn websites like bangboat.com or chicktrick.com? I just had the oppurtunity to check one out, and the white dude who's behind the camera says some funny ass shyt. I know it's just a porn site, but still....
LOL!


For example, when he picks up one of the 'victims' in a supermarket parking lot, he goes, "Hi, I'm Will... Will Wreckem". (as in "I will wreck them") You've got to experiment with wordplay and just not be afraid of failing, basically. Humor is the same as 'having confidence', as we like to call it at sosuave.com. If you're afraid of not sounding funny or sounding lame - IT WILL HAPPEN. The key is to not give a fvck. Also, having punch lines with a "Ta-Da!" effect will give you a greater chance for failure. Go for 'below the radar' jokes and type of humor.


Basically, the key is to be relaxed and playful like the dude in that porn movie is. Granted, all those "real life" scenarios are played out, but