HPD/BPD Ex Spouse - Good to see this site

[boomerick]

In the bible - at the bottom - read Antidump and Pook

 

[jonwon]

Thanks for all your comments guys,

It's ok, I have no intention of getting back with her, playing her games, sex revenge, or anything else mentioned.

The biggest thing that you have all taught me is that I can't lay all of this on her. Yes, she is a complete whacko but you're right, why the fvck did I let it happen, where was my own self respect?

The strange things is that i'm quite renowned for not taking any sh!t from people, yet this person got right into the core of my soul. She's actually done me a favour as she's exposed an inner weakness, an insecurity that I was never aware I had. I'm truly introspecting myself now and am learning day by day, yet had this have not happened, i'd probably have never been at this stage in my life.

It's a huge chapter and one i'm going to grasp to make myself a stronger person. I owe you guys a huge amount of gratitude for that, you woke me up and stuck a handful of Colombian coffee up my nose. I truly thank you for that.

There wasn't need for recordings of the visit to the kids, I just focused on them and had a great time with them. She was very distant and kept out of the way (this is due to me recently exposing her lies). I left as soon as the children went to bed. I was polite, courteous, and just walked out.

She called me today at work to ostensibly talk about our eldest child. She went on for about five minutes, to which I listened and agreed to take the actions discussed in respect of our child. I then thanked her and closed the call. She went humble and quiet as I said goodbye, playing the hurt victim who needs me. I wasn't having any of it, the b!tch is history. I said my goodbyes and put the phone down.

I'm aware that she'll likely up the tempo in a desperate attempt to win control again, playing all sorts of needy games, but my path is really gaining strength now.

I have read a fair few parts of the DJ bible and have found it interesting. I'm not so bothered about the PUA tips as i'm already quite confident in my ability to game women, but reading material on changing to an Alpha mindset, having self respect etc is of huge interest. If anyone can point me in the direction of some quality threads, i'd be grateful.

All the best

Aim

Nice I salute you.

Just be aware this drama will continue.

She has an hold on you, so you'll have to be a bit stronger whilst your ridding yourself of the issues you had that got you to this stage.

I bought an house with my Ex - The biggest headache was the fact she had this over me after I left her, 3 years later it came back to haunt me.

Seriously, if there is one thing you can take from this that you need to seriously think about, is stop being such an accommodating nice guy -

Women like this even when you think the dust has settled will find ways to stick that knife in.

You have to get yourself in a situation where she has zero control of your future.

Sadly with kids to this type of person, she will find ways to mess with you in future, it will simply come out of the blue and bite you on the as*.

For example my Ex- I left our house, she was in the proccess of buying it from me - she never got round to it, did not hear from her for a year or two, she was paying the mortgage, I was busy getting on with my life - than BAM, she ups and leaves the country and leaves the house - joint mortgage, because she wasn't in the country, I had to foot the mortgage, this ment up-rooting my life at the time - It wasn't nice at all - My nice guy at the time, waited till she was financially ready to buy the property (big mistake).

This was and i know for definate, due to her wanting to get back at me - These women are fuc*ing nuts - Seriously! After that episode, i approached the bank, put the house in my name and virtually begged her to sign it over to me - I was fundimentally back in the shi*, for a 3 months, not knowing if she would make this an issue for the courts meaning more cash i didn't have.

But thankfully she was on her good side when she signed the papers, this was over 1.5 years ago - I've never seen her or contacted her since and she has nothing over me, nothing at all.

These women when they have something on you, they will, and I repeat THEY WILL, find ways to fuc* you up, even if it takes months or years.

All it is, is a thought that goes through these whack jobs mind about how you did something, a few years on - then she makes it her goal to 'get you back'.

You need to find a way to remove he from your life, perminantly!

I'm afraid in this situation, a court order or action for your kids so she has zero authority other you is the ONLY way to go.

If you don't do this, you will regret it - mark those words.

This should be priority -

She will play the wounded animal, probably contact you out of the blue, telling you she 'missed you', shed a few tears. These women dont change, that's why 'we' as men need to. This is not a partnership between two normal healthy adults, this is to her a means for leverage over you, that she will pull out when you least expect it - It's like a sucker punch, these women are UNTRUSTWORTHY - trust her, be nice about all this and it will come back and bite you on the ass -

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Jonwon

Absolutely, they "build you up" and later break you down. They push you as far as they can than later they pull you back with all their strength. They don´t care how much this will mess with your life (if you´ll lose your job, wife, etc) , it´s all about them and their needs. You´re supposed (in their mind) to fill these needs. They have a sick desire to have revenge, as you are always responsible for their misery. These people love to punish, mind you, as a way of "putting you in your place". They want you to be their father (not really a lover) and they play the role of the homeless child. While you (the "father") are working hard to bring money to the house, she (the child) is screwing her colleages or your best friend and "having fun". In the end it will be your fault because "you work too much and don´t give her enough attention". They always reframe the situation so they are the innnocent ones (gaslighting). *There´s a book with this title.

Observe; don’t react. Everything your wife, girlfriend or ex does that drives you up a wall is purposefully designed to hurt and get a reaction from you. She controls you like a puppet on a string by getting you to engage in the content of her verbal attacks, silent treatment and/or passive-aggressive jabs (e.g., saying something cruel in a sweet tone of voice and then accusing you of being oversensitive). Therefore, take a mental step back when she starts the fun and games and simply observe her machinations for what they are.

Her covert and overt attacks are the adult equivalent of a 5-year old who calls a grown-up a “doody-head,” pouting, saying a bad word or tormenting you by saying the same stupid phrase over and over again; “I know you are, but what am I? I know you are, but what am I? I know you are, but what am I?” When you show a 5-year old that they’re getting to you, they escalate the behavior—just like your abusive wife, girlfriend or ex.

It´s baffling because you think you´re dealing with an adult, this is the biggest mistake you can make.