"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
How would you react to this situation? Am I right to be upset? What's going on here?
- Thread starter AFC_Schism
- Start date
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
You called her out on her bad behavior by pointing it out and she says she understands, yet, the very next thing she says it is "something so small and stupid"? WTF! She accepts no responsibility. She said she agreed, then cancels it out by making that moronic statement.AFC_Schism said:
Her being a total AW dictates it is her who has the need to break things up with you, which she was already doing, not the other way around. Her ego is too big to let you be the one who ends things. She manipulates all of her orbiters, and they all eat out of the palm of her hand. Now, you do the unexpected, I bet that was the first time you put your foot down hard, and she doesn't know how to react.
Your other option is to take her back, and live with a crazy broad who just can't get enough attention and let her drain the life out of you. That might just be what you want. Some people are just so addicted to drama and drama people. In the meantime, you did the only thing you could do. She gave you no choice. Going back to her will only strip you of any dignity she allowed you to keep during the last 4 months.
Don't fall for the crocodile tears. Had you let her get away with it, she would have instantly lost any respect, if there was any left, she had in you, and would not have cared for you tears. She knows how to handle guys crying like little girls. She does it all the time.
AFC_Schism
Don Juan
- Joined
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Well, its been pretty bad. She's been calling me nonstop and Ive been listening to her continually ask me for second chances and she's been balling her eyes out. Last night she didn't sleep at all and just spend the whole night crying and calling her friends, it's pretty evident how much she cared about me. She told me she'd get rid of every guy friend for me. She told me she was so sorry and she never meant to hurt me like this. Even a mutual friend of ours called me and was talking to me about it and how upset my ex was and how she knows that my ex didn't cheat on me. And somehow by talking to her, I can tell that they really didn't do anything and she didn't physically cheat on me. Even if she didn't cheat on me, that breach of trust, her lying to my face, and her shady behavior especially about a guy I feel still warranted me breaking it off with her, right? If I cannot trust this girl, then we cannot be in a relationship. It's just so hard though, to see her so upset like this, and to know in your stomach that the good times with this girl are over and that you won't ever get those back. I want to go back and reconcile things with her so badly, to reach out and comfort her, but at the same time I can't help but feel that my feelings are betraying me and that I'm much better off without her.
What do I do? Did I make the right decision?
EDIT: She says that she knows she ****ed up but that I'm overreacting to the whole situation and she said everyone shes talked to about it agrees, even some of her guy friends agreed I was overreacting. I told her that maybe I just expect more quality from a woman than them... Do you guys think, from what I've told you in the thread, and now knowing that she probably didn't PHYSICALLY cheat (although planting seeds is not out of the question), I am overreacting by breaking up with her? The fact remains she still lied to my face twice about having a guy over and was incredibly shady about it... not to mention the blatant disrespect towards me about texting him while we were hanging out, making fun of me while I'm passed out, etc.
What do I do? Did I make the right decision?
EDIT: She says that she knows she ****ed up but that I'm overreacting to the whole situation and she said everyone shes talked to about it agrees, even some of her guy friends agreed I was overreacting. I told her that maybe I just expect more quality from a woman than them... Do you guys think, from what I've told you in the thread, and now knowing that she probably didn't PHYSICALLY cheat (although planting seeds is not out of the question), I am overreacting by breaking up with her? The fact remains she still lied to my face twice about having a guy over and was incredibly shady about it... not to mention the blatant disrespect towards me about texting him while we were hanging out, making fun of me while I'm passed out, etc.
PlaysToWin
Don Juan
Her reaction is perfectly normal. All girls do that in this situation. Yes it is also common for her to promise to give up all her guy friends to stay with you. Also your mutual friend doesn't know sh!t. She could easily have cheated and this friend not know about it. But...
No, you're not overreacting. You're decision was correct.
Listen, I can see in your posts you know yourself the decision was right. Stop trying to justify your decision to your/her friends because it's really none of their business. And especially stop trying to justify your decision to HER because she isn't in an emotional state that is able to listen and understand. Just tell her your decision is FINAL.
Exactly, your absolutely right.AFC_Schism said:
No, you're not overreacting. You're decision was correct.
Listen, I can see in your posts you know yourself the decision was right. Stop trying to justify your decision to your/her friends because it's really none of their business. And especially stop trying to justify your decision to HER because she isn't in an emotional state that is able to listen and understand. Just tell her your decision is FINAL.
sodbuster
Master Don Juan
Women use tears to win arguments like men use shouting. Just another tool in her arsenal.You could take her back,but the only reason you want to is she's crying. {it's almost working]
STILL doesn't cover the disrespect she showed you in laughing at you[supposedly passed out],meeting up with a NEW guy she just met on FB[twice],etc.The ONLY reason she's crying is she got caught and didn't land the new guy as an "upgrade" over what she thinks of you.
STILL doesn't cover the disrespect she showed you in laughing at you[supposedly passed out],meeting up with a NEW guy she just met on FB[twice],etc.The ONLY reason she's crying is she got caught and didn't land the new guy as an "upgrade" over what she thinks of you.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Yeah yeah, she'll cry, say they're "just friends", justify lying about sketchy stuff she's doing, but at the end of the day, it's just a way to stop you breaking up with her. She is at the very least considering this guy from all the obvious things that have happened so far (the gemini thing, txting him constantly, chilling in her bedroom with him till 3am). At worst, she's already fvcked him, which seems like it might have happened.
Sure, you'll feel bad because she'll put this afflicted act on. She probably is upset - she has at least some feelings for you. She's also upset because she's losing out on attention - which you say you KNOW she thrives on. Girls also hate getting dumped - even if they were planning to do the dumping themselves 3 days later.
If you hadn't called her out and dumped her. . . she would be cheating on you soon anyway (if she already hasn't with at least this one guy), or continue lying to you and hanging out with every guy in town till she is.
Sure, you'll feel bad because she'll put this afflicted act on. She probably is upset - she has at least some feelings for you. She's also upset because she's losing out on attention - which you say you KNOW she thrives on. Girls also hate getting dumped - even if they were planning to do the dumping themselves 3 days later.
If you hadn't called her out and dumped her. . . she would be cheating on you soon anyway (if she already hasn't with at least this one guy), or continue lying to you and hanging out with every guy in town till she is.
QUOTE: She says that she knows she ****ed up but that I'm overreacting (WTF?) to the whole situation and she said everyone shes talked to about it agrees, even some of her guy friends agreed I was overreacting.
Even her failure to take responsibility is disrespectful. Stay the course. When in doubt see my earlier response!!! If you take her back you turn into her fool/chump.
Even her failure to take responsibility is disrespectful. Stay the course. When in doubt see my earlier response!!! If you take her back you turn into her fool/chump.
jophil28
Master Don Juan
You are assuming that the definition and application of "controlling and possessive" is a woman's perogative. It is not - YOU decide what is decent male behavior, NOT women.Weezy said:
There are two ways to communicate limits and boundaries, OVERTLY or COVERTLY.
OVERT communication is a direct and clear declatarion of what your standards and expectataions are.
"I do not tolerate a woman having male "friends" if I am in an exclusive relationship with her."
COVERT boundaries are expressed indirectly often using a third part reference.
"MY good buddy is annoyed that his G/f goes out for coffee with her male "friends" . He asked my opinion and I agreed that it is disrespectful and will probably be the cause of their breakup when the time comes. "
Try COVERT comms first and only resort to the OVERT style if she is not hearing your message.
jophil28
Master Don Juan
Harsh, but it may just do the trick !boomerick said:
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Kailex
Master Don Juan
Those guys friends that she is "asking" about the situation and how you "overreacted"... are probably the same guys who come over to her place and play "Sex-Box" until 3 AM.
Forget whatever anyone she is talking to says.
"Something so small".
Yeah, guess the guy wasn't too well endowed. Move on.
Keep up the NC. She'll stop in a few days once she's found someone who wants to play with her "PS3" at her house.
She says she'd rather not lose a friend, but at the cost of a boyfriend?
Time for the next one, man.
Forget whatever anyone she is talking to says.
"Something so small".
Yeah, guess the guy wasn't too well endowed. Move on.
Keep up the NC. She'll stop in a few days once she's found someone who wants to play with her "PS3" at her house.
She says she'd rather not lose a friend, but at the cost of a boyfriend?
Time for the next one, man.
Yeah, of course the guys friends think you are overreacting. They want to get you out of the picture.
Honestly, from everything you posted, you should get rid of her. But I was in the same situation a few years ago. Girl had a guy friend she didn't tell me about, I found out, dumped her, she went crazy for me, people said I overreact and am jealous. She promised to drop the guy friends if I gave her another shot. I did. She dropped the guy friends and, while I still always had the doubt I could trust her in the back of my mind, we had a nice little relationship the ended after I moved about eight months later.
It would be easy to dump her. Is she worth it to you? If you take her back, and she goes back to having guy friends in a month or lieing to you, DUMP HER. But I have experienced where a girl will drop understand how that was disrespectful and drop all of her guy friends just to be with you.
Honestly, from everything you posted, you should get rid of her. But I was in the same situation a few years ago. Girl had a guy friend she didn't tell me about, I found out, dumped her, she went crazy for me, people said I overreact and am jealous. She promised to drop the guy friends if I gave her another shot. I did. She dropped the guy friends and, while I still always had the doubt I could trust her in the back of my mind, we had a nice little relationship the ended after I moved about eight months later.
It would be easy to dump her. Is she worth it to you? If you take her back, and she goes back to having guy friends in a month or lieing to you, DUMP HER. But I have experienced where a girl will drop understand how that was disrespectful and drop all of her guy friends just to be with you.
Dude!
Dude you HAVE to be strong right now! You did exactly the right thing! I'll tell you why because I've been there! The EXACT same EXACT EXACT EXFUCKINGACT same place as you're right now! I'll tell you my story but first I want to also tell you why your "guyfriends" are saying that you overreacted.
See your guyfriends are either in a relationship which has happened by luck or they're looking for a relationship which also will happen to them sooner or later by luck.
In their eyes you've won the lottery (Someones shoulder to cry on, someone that'll listen to your feelings and of course ***** on a daily basis which they would normally only once per 6 months) and to loose the lottery money would be idiotic and disaterous!
Key of law:
If you somehow could crack the code to win the lottery everytime, it wouldn't be that awesome now would it? If you could easily get a much better chick then your old soggy lottery scorpio fucking slut now wouldn't be that awesome and you can! You first just have to dump your old crappy oilleaking pontiac to get that sexy corvette (or whatever)
Now what happened to me:
I was together with a girl for almost a year. I became AFC and yada yada yada. She dumped me several times but I begged her back. Then one day I had enough of the begging so I dumped her and guess what... She came begging to get back to me! I of course being the tard that I was I took her back and two weeks later she dumped me for another guy. You see the one that dumps is the winner. The frame holder. The one that wanted out and the other wanted to stay.
Now if you get back with her, she will 100% guaranteed dump/cheat on you. I bet my life on that!
Now it's time for reforment! Get together with your guyfriends and go out to party! Get drunk! Have as fun as you can! Try to become that DJ that you always wanted. Now you've got a clean plate, start filling with gourmet food.
Perhaps a little mexican? Or black beans? Try that russian blini! I promise you
that by the time you're putting you **** in a new vag, you've forgot all about that disgusting, old, used up, stinky and possibly yeast infected vag of you ex!
The best of luck for you my friend! Please make a thread as soon as you've gotten laid again!
Dude you HAVE to be strong right now! You did exactly the right thing! I'll tell you why because I've been there! The EXACT same EXACT EXACT EXFUCKINGACT same place as you're right now! I'll tell you my story but first I want to also tell you why your "guyfriends" are saying that you overreacted.
See your guyfriends are either in a relationship which has happened by luck or they're looking for a relationship which also will happen to them sooner or later by luck.
In their eyes you've won the lottery (Someones shoulder to cry on, someone that'll listen to your feelings and of course ***** on a daily basis which they would normally only once per 6 months) and to loose the lottery money would be idiotic and disaterous!
Key of law:
If you somehow could crack the code to win the lottery everytime, it wouldn't be that awesome now would it? If you could easily get a much better chick then your old soggy lottery scorpio fucking slut now wouldn't be that awesome and you can! You first just have to dump your old crappy oilleaking pontiac to get that sexy corvette (or whatever)
Now what happened to me:
I was together with a girl for almost a year. I became AFC and yada yada yada. She dumped me several times but I begged her back. Then one day I had enough of the begging so I dumped her and guess what... She came begging to get back to me! I of course being the tard that I was I took her back and two weeks later she dumped me for another guy. You see the one that dumps is the winner. The frame holder. The one that wanted out and the other wanted to stay.
Now if you get back with her, she will 100% guaranteed dump/cheat on you. I bet my life on that!
Now it's time for reforment! Get together with your guyfriends and go out to party! Get drunk! Have as fun as you can! Try to become that DJ that you always wanted. Now you've got a clean plate, start filling with gourmet food.
Perhaps a little mexican? Or black beans? Try that russian blini! I promise you
that by the time you're putting you **** in a new vag, you've forgot all about that disgusting, old, used up, stinky and possibly yeast infected vag of you ex!
The best of luck for you my friend! Please make a thread as soon as you've gotten laid again!
AFC_Schism
Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2009
- Messages
- 36
- Reaction score
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Man, its hard not thinking about her. I'm finding myself missing her and feeling almost heartsick for her. Its like now that I broke it off, I forget how bad she made me feel and how uneasy she made me feel while we were together with her constant guy friends and me second-guessing if she was a slut or not and now that its over I only can remember the good times we had. I feel like breaking it off with her is worse than getting dumped, because I feel like I'm the one being mean by ending it and that I should just forgive her so things can be happy again, but I tell myself that that's me suffering from the "grass-is-greener" mindset.
How can I get her out of my mind quicker and make me stop regretting breaking up with her? I need help staying strong, it's like I'm trying to reason my feelings with logic and it isn't working. I guess it's a knee-jerk reaction or something, but now I'm feeling like I'll never find a girl as unique as her (she liked playing videogames and guy stuff) or had an as interesting personality as her again. This was my first real serious relationshp and the girl I lost my virginity to, and I just feel like I'll never be able to replicate how I felt about her with another girl. It wasn't really bad until I smoked a bowl with my friends tonight, and then all I could think about was how I could get those moments back with her any time I wanted and how I miss her. Bah, relationships blow.
How can I get her out of my mind quicker and make me stop regretting breaking up with her? I need help staying strong, it's like I'm trying to reason my feelings with logic and it isn't working. I guess it's a knee-jerk reaction or something, but now I'm feeling like I'll never find a girl as unique as her (she liked playing videogames and guy stuff) or had an as interesting personality as her again. This was my first real serious relationshp and the girl I lost my virginity to, and I just feel like I'll never be able to replicate how I felt about her with another girl. It wasn't really bad until I smoked a bowl with my friends tonight, and then all I could think about was how I could get those moments back with her any time I wanted and how I miss her. Bah, relationships blow.
jophil28
Master Don Juan
Perfectly normal to feel this way.AFC_Schism said:
You would do yourself a service by adopting the "one day at a time " method of recovery here.
Make a vow each day to stay in No Contact. Days will turn into weeks and then into months.
Last edited:
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Go out & date other girls, RIGHT NOW. I went on a lot of dates straight after my last relationship (which I ended) and it really helped.AFC_Schism said:
Another good news for you: a girl who likes playing video games and guy stuff is not unique. Hell I work with dozens of them. Plenty of them have interesting personality and what's more, they are not into BS chick crack like zodiac signs.
You made the right decision. Ignore the women and the white knights shaming you. They do not have your interest in mind, only hers and their own (in the case of the white knights). Your EX still has not given you a proper apology - she's only sorry that she got caught and is only feeling bad because she got dumped, not because she actually acknowledged that she betrayed you.
But quality girls are scarce. I knew one, but five years later, it's still the only one I've met. There are practically no HB 10's with a great charactar. And if you happen to meet one, you still have chance of getting into a realtionship with her.
godofanxiety
Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 27, 2007
- Messages
- 127
- Reaction score
- 2
Sorry if someone mentioned this already, but women tears mean nothing. I fell on that trick three times with the same girl. Each time her promises lasted for about three days. Still, it was unbelievable how sincere and hurt she seemed, I felt like a child murderer.
“The 22 Psychological Triggers That Make Women Chase You… Starting Tonight”
Forget the cash, the cars, and the chiseled jawlines. Female desire operates on a completely different frequency. Primal. Subconscious. Triggers that bypass her logic and hit her on a gut level. Most guys are totally blind to them.
I know because I was one of them. The overthinking. The paralysis. The silent drive home kicking yourself for freezing up. Watching average guys walk away with the girl while you stood there stuck in your own head.
Then I decoded the psychology behind what actually makes women tick. 22 hard rules. Subtle behavioral shifts that rewired my entire reality. The anxiety evaporated. Women started leaning in. Investing. Chasing.