How would you have handled this?

[Heretolearn]

So there was a dance night.


The girl I was interested in was having an overall bad night and was not enjoying dancing. I said I am leaving does she want to come for a walk, she said sure would love to but she has promised someone a dance first. So I said, thats cool, I will wait to the end of the song.

So I sat down and waited to the end of the song playing, then they danced. The song ended and they kept dancing so i just left without saying a word to anyone. She called later saying what happened, I said you kept dancing so I figured I would not disturb you. She complained saying her and the guy did not know when the song had ended so kept dancing.

I said strange because everyone else on the dancefloor realised but I apologised saying I probably should have gotten eye contact with her before leaving.


She then blasted me saying how childish I am and that is why we cannot be together. Saying that I made her night terrible. Sure the other stuff that happened to her was rotten but my actions were the worst as she needed support.

I said 'That is a joke, you just want to blame me for everything. Good night' and hung up.


So, 1) How would you guys have handled waiting? Should I have been more patient? I guess the context of the night was i Just waiting around for her. Too much focus on her without the respect from her for it so the extra song seemed to be the last straw in terms of my tolerance level.

I did not storm out, just left.

2) I learnt a lot from the apology conversation. Instead of her saying 'yeah, thanks for the apology, but it was me too eg I should have politely thanked him after the first song etc. I.e us sharing the responsibility, after I apologised it was like I could be blamed for the entire night. So I guess question 1 is should I have apologised and question 2 is in GENERAL should I apologise for things. i mean the response above where people share the responsibility for something that happens, is that a realistic expectation?

 

[vitor]

Screw her, why is she playing games? She tried to make you jealous and then you left. good for you just move on...

 

[game.r]

So there was a dance night.


The girl I was interested in was having an overall bad night and was not enjoying dancing. I said I am leaving does she want to come for a walk, she said sure would love to but she has promised someone a dance first. So I said, thats cool, I will wait to the end of the song.

Personally i would've ended it here. Waiting around on some chick to finish doing anything with another guy just puts you in a bad spot.

 

[decades]

why is your girl promising a dance with another dude?
why did you apologize to her? You did nothing wrong.
I think you have her on a pedestal. Take her down.

 

[slickaz]

u shuda walked up to them on d floor n said "ay man, the lease on this is over with that last song..."
n taken her..

man you dont got time to be givin ur girl to somebody else..coz did you promise to be a chauffeur? no..you went as her date..to finish dancing, hookin up and getn head n more after..

so you shuda claimed her, tapped it asap (pulled that DonS game) then told her nomore promising other dudes dances when she ur girl...or she can go.coz uve got what u want..

 

[penkitten]

don't apologize for something someone else did.
in this case, it was her.

she knew the song ended and continued to dance around to make you wait.
she was mingling around with that other guy.
if she didn't realize the song was over, then when she finally realized it, she would have went looking for you, at least out into the parking lot. then when she didn't see you, she would have called, instead of waiting until the end of the night.
what was she doing in the time in between? still mingling with the other dude.

therefore, she should be the one apologizing to you for her own behavior, instead of taking her shi tty night out on you.

what were you supposed to do? stay there and wait on her all night like a chump? heck no! you did the right thing by leaving when you said you would.

 

[Heretolearn]

don't apologize for something someone else did.
in this case, it was her.

she knew the song ended and continued to dance around to make you wait.
she was mingling around with that other guy.
if she didn't realize the song was over, then when she finally realized it, she would have went looking for you, at least out into the parking lot. then when she didn't see you, she would have called, instead of waiting until the end of the night.
what was she doing in the time in between? still mingling with the other dude.

therefore, she should be the one apologizing to you for her own behavior, instead of taking her shi tty night out on you.

what were you supposed to do? stay there and wait on her all night like a chump? heck no! you did the right thing by leaving when you said you would.

Thanks, she called before the end of the night but I do feel your point is still valid.

Good point though, I think no one was at fault but no one was innocent. In the sense I apologised for my part in the plan not working as I was accountable. I also felt it was a good step in reconciling/smoothing over the potential drama but really non issue. Evidently not...........

But thanks for putting things into perspective everyone

 

[DJDamage]

Here are my critics:

The girl I was interested in was having an overall bad night and was not enjoying dancing. I said I am leaving does she want to come for a walk, she said sure would love to but she has promised someone a dance first. So I said, thats cool, I will wait to the end of the song.

My analysis:

1) If you see a chick having a bad time, don't step in right away. You want a woman to associate you with good feelings and if a woman is happy to begin with, when you approach her she will be more receptive to your advances.

2) When you say you are leaving, leave. By waiting for her that she finishes her dance by rubbing it against some other guy's c0ck, it makes you really weak in her eyes.

3) Don't ask her, tell her. You could have said (to a chick who is in a good mood) - "hey I am about to split and take a little walk to a coffee shop near by and you are welcome to join me."

Asking is waiting for her approval, instead of taking charge of the situation.

So I sat down and waited to the end of the song playing, then they danced. The song ended and they kept dancing so i just left without saying a word to anyone. She called later saying what happened, I said you kept dancing so I figured I would not disturb you. She complained saying her and the guy did not know when the song had ended so kept dancing.

4) When a b1tch done you wrong, don't be afraid to put her in her place. Deep down you know this sh1t wasn't right and saying "figured I would not distrub you" is avoiding the situation all together.

Never be afraid to stand up for yourself because in the end of the day you can look yourself the mirror and be proud that you didn't take sh1t from anybody and thus your self-respect is left intact.

When she called you, you could have said: "I felt that it was disrespectful that you kept on dancing knowing that I was waiting for you so I got tired and left because I had better things to do".

In actuality if someone were to pull this kind of 'tactic' with me, I wouldn't even bother to pick up the phone but hey that's just me.

I said strange because everyone else on the dancefloor realised but I apologised saying I probably should have gotten eye contact with her before leaving.


5) You were not wrong. Never apologise when you aren't wrong otherwise even though you had every right of leaving now you made it seemed as if you didn't have that right, and you are the guilty one which leads to this:

She then blasted me saying how childish I am and that is why we cannot be together. Saying that I made her night terrible. Sure the other stuff that happened to her was rotten but my actions were the worst as she needed support.

I said 'That is a joke, you just want to blame me for everything. Good night' and hung up.

Good on you that you hung up the phone on this misrable c unt.

You see what happened? now she had an excuse to justify her bad behaviour because you appologised thus making you the bad guy.

Good riddance I would say

 

[squirrels]

What "dances" are you going to at age 28??

Was this girl your "date"? I guess that's the operative question.

If she wasn't your date and you weren't her ride out, then you're free to leave whenever you want.

I'll tell you this...sitting there like a dork isn't doing you any good, either your image or the level of fun you're having. Assuming you are 28 and this wasn't some high-school dance, go grab a drink, talk to some people, find a girl to dance with yourself. Talk to other women.

DO something...don't sit there with your head resting on your hands moping and looking impatient while she dances with someone. If I'm her, I'm dancing with this guy and looking over to the guy I'm leaving with, looking bored and impatient and lame...would YOU want to end this dance with this guy to go with you?

If she IS your date then she probably shouldn't be promising dances to other dudes. But then you were wrong to just bail if she was there "with you".

The bottom line is...well...the bottom line is that this is some high-school-ass sh!t. If you're not gonna enjoy yourself at a dance, don't go.

 

[Colossus]

1) Personally I wouldnt have waited for her at all. It does not sound like you guys were together to begin with, so waiting for her was just submissive.

2a) No, you should not have apologized.

2b) In GENERAL, only apologize if there was a cogent error or d!ck move on your part.

 

[penkitten]

2b) In GENERAL, only apologize if there was a cogent error or d!ck move on your part.

couldnt agree more!!!