how will this end?

[MikeEdward1973]

So I'd be interested in hearing some predictions on this.

There's this women at work, she's about a year older than me. I think she's 36. Good looking. Got married 2 years ago. She's become a good friend of mine. I'm not interested in her beyond platonic friendship.

She tells me about her husband sometimes. Some fast facts:

- he makes about 1/2 as much money as she does
- When she isn't home, he sleeps with a baseball bat. When he hears a noise downstairs, he calls her, and tells her he thinks someone is in the house.
- he has about $80,000 in credit card debt, and I don't think she knew about this when they got married. They'll be 40 before they pay that off, in light of their spending habits.
- I asked her how she feels about him. She said the loves him more and more every day. And they seem very happy together.

Are they headed for a crash? Will they overcome these challenges if the sex is really good? Anyone want to hazard a guess?

 

[joekerr31]

you 'friend' is probably in trouble in the long run. but he's hit the gravy train in the short term - he just got some chic to share his 80k in credit card debts with him.

the moment she found that out, she should have asked for a divorced and run for the hills.

i tell ya, i love those commercials for creditreport.com - find out everything about someone financially before you marry them.

money matters - its the number one variable that ultimately breaks up marriages.

anyway, as for her saying 'i love him', what else is she going to say? chics lie about those questions all the time. they'll love some guy and say they dont love him, and theyll not love some guy and say they do - nothing half of them say has any relation to reality.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

- he has about $80,000 in credit card debt, and I don't think she knew about this when they got married. They'll be 40 before they pay that off, in light of their spending habits.

Yeah right, they will be 80 before they pay that off.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Think of this in terms of the Cardinal Rule of Relationships
In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.

What is it about this guy that makes him desirable to her? I'm going to assume your primary interest in this is "why would this woman marry/stay with a guy like this?" To answer that you need to look at her and think "what is it about her that makes her invest in a guy like this?" Is he a great lover? Is she fat? Is he desired by other women for some quality he possesses? There is something about this guy that makes her forgiving of his faults. The answer is what does she need from him and/or what out of the ordinary does he provide that makes him a commodity so valuable as to overlook his misgivings?

 

[Warrior74]

Damn. Yah she's either in denial or lying. It will end in tears.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

Yeah right, they will be 80 before they pay that off.

Together, they make about $250k a year, so there there is a realistic chance they can service that debt in a 5 year time period.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

you 'friend' is probably in trouble in the long run. but he's hit the gravy train in the short term - he just got some chic to share his 80k in credit card debts with him.

the moment she found that out, she should have asked for a divorced and run for the hills.

i tell ya, i love those commercials for creditreport.com - find out everything about someone financially before you marry them.

money matters - its the number one variable that ultimately breaks up marriages.

anyway, as for her saying 'i love him', what else is she going to say? chics lie about those questions all the time. they'll love some guy and say they dont love him, and theyll not love some guy and say they do - nothing half of them say has any relation to reality.

Just for the sake of clarity, she's actually the one that's my friend, and her husband is the fellow with the debt. I've actually never met him in person.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

Think of this in terms of the Cardinal Rule of Relationships
In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.

What is it about this guy that makes him desirable to her? I'm going to assume your primary interest in this is "why would this woman marry/stay with a guy like this?" To answer that you need to look at her and think "what is it about her that makes her invest in a guy like this?" Is he a great lover? Is she fat? Is he desired by other women for some quality he possesses? There is something about this guy that makes her forgiving of his faults. The answer is what does she need from him and/or what out of the ordinary does he provide that makes him a commodity so valuable as to overlook his misgivings?

Great points. I'm not sure what the answer is.

 

[jophil28]

Together, they make about $250k a year, so there there is a realistic chance they can service that debt in a 5 year time period.

If they make that kind of money WHY is he still in DEBT at all?
SEcondly - I think it is disloyal of her to be spilling these personal details to you. I know that women see nothing wrong in whining to outsiders about their personal "problems", but if my wife did that i would be firious. IT ain't no body's business.. I wonder what her Husband would thjink if he found out that she was puking their personal financial details to others in the cafeteria..

 

[jophil28]

Are they headed for a crash? Will they overcome these challenges if the sex is really good? Anyone want to hazard a guess?

You are being recruited to be her best male girlfriend.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

You are being recruited to be her best male girlfriend.

There is no downside to me here. I'm not interested in her, beyond friendship, even if this was the case. I'm happy to be her friend, and if she needs someone to talk to, that's just fine with me.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

If they make that kind of money WHY is he still in DEBT at all?
SEcondly - I think it is disloyal of her to be spilling these personal details to you. I know that women see nothing wrong in whining to outsiders about their personal "problems", but if my wife did that i would be firious. IT ain't no body's business.. I wonder what her Husband would thjink if he found out that she was puking their personal financial details to others in the cafeteria..

So, she makes 2/3 of that. His debt, which is credit card debt, was run up before they got married. He has spent it on a cross-section of items, mainly material goods, It's been a collection of silly purchases, the sort of consumerist ideology that has infected so many people in Western society, particularly the US.

And at $250k, they lose 1/2 of that to taxes, since they don't own property or have kids. Maybe more than 1/2, we live in California. After living expenses, from the way they spend money, it will be about 4 years before they pay it off.

I really don't care what her husband thinks. The guy is sleeping in bed with a bat, calling his wife when he hears a scary noise. *She* cut up *his* credit cards. I'm not overly concerned what he might say or think if he knew she shared this with someone else. I'm confident I'm not the only one.

 

[Jitterbug]

Women who badmouth their partners to strangers do not deserve the friendship of a DJ.

If she's willing to do that to her husband, what would she do to you, Mike, if she got something on you? Do you want a friend like that?

 

[Latinoman]

So I'd be interested in hearing some predictions on this.

There's this women at work, she's about a year older than me. I think she's 36. Good looking. Got married 2 years ago. She's become a good friend of mine. I'm not interested in her beyond platonic friendship.

She tells me about her husband sometimes. Some fast facts:

- he makes about 1/2 as much money as she does
- When she isn't home, he sleeps with a baseball bat. When he hears a noise downstairs, he calls her, and tells her he thinks someone is in the house.
- he has about $80,000 in credit card debt, and I don't think she knew about this when they got married. They'll be 40 before they pay that off, in light of their spending habits.
- I asked her how she feels about him. She said the loves him more and more every day. And they seem very happy together.

Are they headed for a crash? Will they overcome these challenges if the sex is really good? Anyone want to hazard a guess?

Well...Mike...I don't know and I don't care. I am a Man...not some 39 year old woman that is worry about how things are going to end between two people that obviously have the SAME view of things in life (e.g. compatible).

 

[MikeEdward1973]

Women who badmouth their partners to strangers do not deserve the friendship of a DJ.

If she's willing to do that to her husband, what would she do to you, Mike, if she got something on you? Do you want a friend like that?

That's occurred to me. There are friends that you trust with varying degrees of personal information. I'm careful not to share anything with her that could haunt me. Her, or anyone else, for that matter.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

Well...Mike...I don't know and I don't care. I am a Man...not some 39 year old woman that is worry about how things are going to end between two people that obviously have the SAME view of things in life (e.g. compatible).

Sweet.

 

[Mr. Me]

I predict that she will die tragically in a sad case of mistaken identity from a blunt traumatic blow to her head one night when she comes home unexpectedly.

 

[Latinoman]

Sweet.

Hahaha. Good reply.

Honestly...I understand your curiousity. But I have issues with women that be-little their husbands and then go on saying "I love him". There is a reason she is with him.

 

[jophil28]

Hahaha. Good reply.

Honestly...I understand your curiousity. But I have issues with women that be-little their husbands and then go on saying "I love him". There is a reason she is with him.

There are always "reasons" that these women are with these 'men'. IT says volumes about HER and her need to be in control of an incompetent, fearful lame duck.
If she has concerns, then her HUSBAND is the guy who should be hearing her grievances, not a work colleague.
She is showing disloyalty to him by discussing this with you - but my experience says that women NEVER see this blabbing as "disloyalty" .

If she will betray her husband like this by discussing their private details with you, then she will readily betray your "friendship" if it suits her by discussing YOU with anyone who will listen. This woman is unfit for friendship AND marriage.

YOu are on the verge of being her emotional tampon OR getting drawn into playing Capt-save-a-ho.

 

[Latinoman]

I agree with jophil