How to treat ex with kids involved.

[Chev.Chelios]

Have no idea where to start, just here throwing questions out there looking for answers, not sure which way to go.. Wether I'm a crazy bafoon or not.

- Have an ex whom I have deep lingering feelings for. As well as a 3 year old boy with her.

When we broke up I went nuclear afc chump, you name it i did it. Only to realize how much attraction I've lost in her eyes, complete supplication to her needs. I was her full fledged provider male

I realized this and did my best to go my own way and cut her off. (Realizing she's out sleeping around, taking your money, while watching the kid alone on weekend nights does plenty to pss you off.

1000s of guys hit her up begging to be with her.. etc, some offer her cars, houses.. even the local gonzaga basketball players are hitting her up.

She does not have a scarcity of options..

Being a single dad stuck at home, providing money and time to pay for her life and having other attractive woman seeing you do that = complete utter scarcity.

I stopped giving anything to her, time or effort and stopped babysitting, focused on business and hitting the bars every chance I could, this of course set her off, always getting btchd at for going downtown, hanging with the bar slvtz.. how horrible I am for doing that, my head is spinning (can't let the Lil provider go out and slay some poon huh) someone else actually stepped in and gave her tons of money and babysitting time while she goes out with her friends every chance she got.

She came back to me for a week at 1 point, her attitude stunk and quickly broke it off again a week later.

Recently she was seeing a half black guy, tatted up.. complete player and had a child himself, when she got cut off from her main provider male she instantly moved in with him, I'm like fcckkk, completely floored me she was fcling this guy and felt so high aND mighty when she was with him, ordering me around.. bossing me, threatening court and chit. I didn't change anything for her.

She moves in with the guy and proceded to tell me how sweet he was, how our son absolutely loves him yada yada, we're planning a future together. Pretty much left me feeling like chit.

I get a call 5 days later from her balling her eyes out saying she found out the guy was cheating on her.

She's telling me now how heartbroken she is, how the guy she loved destroyed her.

I'm thinking.. so out of all the ****ing guys you could have been with that would of been great boyfriends. You pick one of the few *******s in town that are actually able to cheat on you? WHHAATTT THEE FFFJUUCKCKK

at this point.. she was humbled quit a bit, now she's still asking me to be apart of our sons life after all this chit. I am completely stuck in the beta zone door mat for this girl.

Tldr..
Some core beliefs my gut is telling me to live out.. the more crap thats happening the more these beliefs are being enforced.

- never follow a woman or meet her demands.

- as a man your needs come first before anything else.

- if kids are involved, inform her early on that since you left I'm cutting off every obligation I have to take care of you.
(There's literally 1000s of desperate cucks out there begging and licking there chops to take in a single mom, to get some pvssy on tap)

- if a woman doesn't want to follow you, but rather just use you for free time and resources, cut her off.. show her the door quickly.

We're men meant to raise kids alone? While the mom is out working and partying? Getting her mouth on that player dck?

Where men meant to be legally barred from any control? Marriage, child support, court obligations.

Is this paradigm I'm thinking out of one of scarcity? Is there a higher level paradigm I can live in that enables me to just take care of my child as best I can, be that petty provider male for her, let her call the shots etc, while still living an abundant life myself with plenty of options?

 

[Desdinova]

I realized this and did my best to go my own way and cut her off.

When you split with a chick that you have a child with, you should keep it as a business relationship. Talk business only.

focused on business and hitting the bars every chance I could, this of course set her off, always getting btchd at for going downtown, hanging with the bar slvtz..

How and why would she know this? Did you tell her what you're doing?

She moves in with the guy and proceded to tell me how sweet he was, how our son absolutely loves him yada yada, we're planning a future together.

I get a call 5 days later from her balling her eyes out saying she found out the guy was cheating on her.

She's telling me now how heartbroken she is, how the guy she loved destroyed her.

Why are you even responding or allowing her to discuss her personal life with you? You're in this solely because you have a child with this woman. This is a BUSINESS relationship now. Stop chit chatting with her about personal stuff. The only chit chat you should be having with her is about anything related to the child you both have. Nothing more. If she asks questions, give vague answers.

 

[Roober]

Man, I have to have a lot of respect for my ex because she doesn't bring random dudes around my boys and we still value each other as parents. I hate to hear about this crap from these $hitty women.

What is your custody like?
How do you guys do your exchanges?
Is your son in pre-school?

best advice with little info is minimize all contact. IF she still gets you worked up, ignore anything that doesn't deal with your son.

 

[AJ84]

When you split with a chick that you have a child with, you should keep it as a business relationship. Talk business only.



How and why would she know this? Did you tell her what you're doing?




Why are you even responding or allowing her to discuss her personal life with you? You're in this solely because you have a child with this woman. This is a BUSINESS relationship now. Stop chit chatting with her about personal stuff. The only chit chat you should be having with her is about anything related to the child you both have. Nothing more. If she asks questions, give vague answers.

Only be as involved as your child's best interests are concerned. Some dude cheating on her is not your issue Some dude spending time with your child is, however, your business and you have a right to know what adults are around your child. Find a way to know this without getting sucked into her drama. Maybe make a list of what you need to know - where's she's living and who she's living with. She will comtinue to vent about this to you but doesn't mean you have to get involved. In fact her telling you about these guys can give you info that may come in handy if custody battles ensue. A woman dragging her child around to live with various men is not in the child's best interests. Save those texts and emails.

Also, I noticed that you said you were babysitting. Don't sell yourself short on your role, you're his father and have a role in his life that far surpasses that of a babysitter. You are very important to him.

 

[Desdinova]

Some dude spending time with your child is, however, your business and you have a right to know what adults are around your child.

I actually disagree with this. If you have shared custody, you have to trust her as a parent to make good decisions with who your child has contact with. Unless you have good (and legal) reason to be suspicious, you have to let her make those choices.

 

[AJ84]

I'm not saying not to let her make those choices, I'm saying know who is in the child's life. If you had a young child with an ex and the ex was moving in with some guy or even a female friend you would want to at least know who the child was going to be around half of the time.

One of my work friends has shared custody of his 6yr old son. His ex moved into a nice bungalow in the east end with a girl she knew from high school, who was divorced no kids. There was a small fire in the basement while everyone was out and neighbours called police. The cause of the fire was due to a faulty clothes dryer which had been running but fireman found what turned out to be 30k worth of ecstasy pills and written instructions for making a meth lab. That story just stuck with me. What if the child found them? They weren't locked up or anything. I don't know if you have kids but I do and as a parent stuff like that scares the hell out of me, so maybe I'm coming from this more as a parent rather than as someone's ex.