How to tell a girl you have ****ed many other girls?(in a real relationship)

[powpow]

So after spending about 20 of the last 24 hours signing up and filling out stuff for dating websites, I have found my first fear in a long time... being old and not married.

Im not sure why this is such a fear? Society says you should get married. Honestly, someday, before I get too old, I do want kids. Teach them don juan stuff. How to fight. How to be brave, bold, fearless, kind, and how to be a leader.

Then it dawned on me that the number of women that I am sleeping with has gone up drastically since I moved to Japan a year ago. Like... it multiplied... by 8. (fine, 3 to 24)

Now, I am starting to worry a little bit about how I am going to tell a girl that I may actually be in love with, yeah, I ****ed 21 girls in Japan over the course of 8 months. Especially if this trend continues.

I am thinking about just lying. There is no way the truth could come out, because most of these girls dont even know my real name (I use fake names when I go out, and my cell phone is under someone else out here).

What do you guys with high numbers do in order to deal with this situation?

BTW I KNOW 24 is by no means high, but it is the trend Im worried about. But even so, 24 may be high for some women.

 

[foomee]

i'm in the same situation. i'll be 24 in a few months.
i've been living in china for 2 years.
in the last 12 months i've slept with 8 girls. 2 were gfs, the others just playing.

now i've finally met a girl i genuinely like and maybe i can see a future with. yeah we're young, but one night stands and things just feel boring now. what i've done is leave out the one nighters and i just say oh i've had 4 gf's in the past. and said oh yeah this girl one year, this girl 3 years, this girl 10 months, etc.

so if i were you just tell her about the important few girls in your life. i feel girls don't really care how many you've slept with, just as long as it's not too high. i think if she knew that you've slept with 20 in the last 8 months she'd run for the hills because she'd feel you're just a player.

so be honest about the serious relationships, she'll find out eventually about them. and if somehow she hears something about the ons and them, just say oh it's just some girl who has a crush on me.


some things are just better left unsaid. there are good lies and bad lies. in this case, it's a good lie.

 

[Chickfight]

Don't tell her anything. There's no reason she needs to know, since that was a part of your life before her. I'm totally fine without knowing how many she's been with, so why would I tell her? If she asks, just brush it off.

 

[vatoloco]

What do you guys with high numbers do in order to deal with this situation?

You deny the answer. Nothing good can come out of answering with any kind of number.

 

[Iceberg]

Why would you tell?

I never asked a girlfriend that question. I'd hope that she'd be mature enough not to ask me. Whatever your past is, it obviously didn't stop you two from getting together and starting a relationship.

Why go digging for issues?

 

[CJ 101]

You should never bring up that topic with a chick you're dating.

 

[HariPoter13]

Fuck it, I'm moving to Japan.

 

[Mike32ct]

It's a number you should take to the grave. Like Vato says, nothing good can come from her knowing. Even if she appears to be ok with it, trust me, deep down, she isn't. It will eat at her and possibly destroy your relationship.

 

[powpow]

Wow, thanks for all the good answers. I just had it engraved in my head that your partner would eventually ask this question. Maybe its just where I am from?

You guys, if your girlfriend asked, would just brush it off? I have come to find that doubt is a major toxin in a relationship, even just a little bit. Like if she asks, just say, "girl, dont ask that, come on". like its a childish question?

And yeah... Japanese girls... yeah.

Im a decent looking white dude with game living in a land of people that like white dudes. Its not hard. Come on out, youll see.

 

[jimmy18]

If she asks how many girls you've been with then say "more than one, less than a hundred".

 

[powpow]

Thats cheezy as fvck, and if you are considering marriage, then I think there should be a better answer than that.

I like to throw out philosophy when I dont want to answer a question. For example, "everyone has a past, but our past was before we met. Lets focus on what is to come, rather than worry about whats behind".

I think this plays on if she has any insecurities about her past, and makes her feel comfortable, and also allows the relationship to come to a mutual understanding.

Because, honestly, I dont give a **** how many guys she has been in bed with. As long as she has no kids. Or STDs. Kids and STDs, and yeah thats a problem.

 

[kevin32]

It's not necessary to tell her unless she asks, and if she does tell the truth without judging yourself for it. Remember, you didn't have sex with these girls during your relationship. So say it as if its the normal thing that singles do. And don't judge her if she tells you how many people she slept with.

 

[kevin32]

Then it dawned on me that the number of women that I am sleeping with has gone up drastically since I moved to Japan a year ago. Like... it multiplied... by 8. (fine, 3 to 24)

What do you think is the reason for this increase in women? Are Japanese women more open to sex? Or is there something more at work here?

 

[DJ422]

are japanese women easier? or is it just that their at home?

Asian Cultures compared to other cultures create an interesting dynamic. Asian's are less afraid to touch, be touched and talk about things that other people might be afraid to talk about. One of my Asian friends has told me that she doesn't think a lot of things are akward that many people consider to be akward. She has also mentioned how I'm like an Asian in that I'm very comfortable with physical contact. You would probably say that they are more comfortable with stuff like Kino because of cultural differences. You're a lot less likely to find someone who has a phobia of people touching them In Asia then in Many other regions of the world.

 

[Warrior74]

old and not married. dude you are 23. Keep your business your business. kill that afc that needs to confess, tell and explain. Kill tha afc, who is so worried about what some woman he hasn't met thinks. kill that afc, that thinks a man should be ashamed of how many women he beds. kill that afc that doesn't understand women can sense a man with experience and appreciate it. kill that afc that doesn't understand a woman rather have a piece of a pitbull than all of a poodle, even if that pitbull has been screwing everything on the block. kill that afc.

 

[mahoney]

I'd never ask this of a girl and I would never volunteer the information either. it isn't relevant. IF they asked me, i MIGHT tell them the truth, i might lie, or I might say thats a personal question i shouldn't feel obligated to answer - really just depends how i feel

 

[powpow]

old and not married. dude you are 23. Keep your business your business. kill that afc that needs to confess, tell and explain. Kill tha afc, who is so worried about what some woman he hasn't met thinks. kill that afc, that thinks a man should be ashamed of how many women he beds. kill that afc that doesn't understand women can sense a man with experience and appreciate it. kill that afc that doesn't understand a woman rather have a piece of a pitbull than all of a poodle, even if that pitbull has been screwing everything on the block. kill that afc.

you rock.


and to answer whoever asked the question and to whomever responsded in a way that I feel is completely wrong:

I broke up with an LTR a few months ago and my hormones have been raging. I act a fool and get laid. I dont know how it the whole social dynamic is compared with America or anywhere else in the world, because I dont care. I just do my thing and tell these girls that Im gonna **** them. And then I do. Case closed.

 

[powpow]

old and not married. dude you are 23. Keep your business your business. kill that afc that needs to confess, tell and explain. Kill tha afc, who is so worried about what some woman he hasn't met thinks. kill that afc, that thinks a man should be ashamed of how many women he beds. kill that afc that doesn't understand women can sense a man with experience and appreciate it. kill that afc that doesn't understand a woman rather have a piece of a pitbull than all of a poodle, even if that pitbull has been screwing everything on the block. kill that afc.

hold up man, let me just reiterate how awesome this post was.

I thought about it today. When I needed it most. Like actually thought about it. This is one of those cool things where someone on a forum actually for real helps your life. BOSS. ****ing slapped some sense into my face from about 10000 miles away.