How to stop getting attached?

[The Decay of Meaning]

Recently I've been involved back and forth with about 5 girls. The problem is, I still get emotionally attached way too quickly, even though I have several girls at once.

When I went to a school trip to another country with my school, I witnessed that all the boys and girls on that trip were cheating. All of them. I pretty much lost the respect I had to humanity, but moreso to women, and yet I can't help but get feelings for the girls that I'm seeing.

I try to convince myself that "this will not be anything serious", and I remember the school trip where I witnessed the decadence of humanity, but still, it's like I eventually naturally glue to people.

What the hell is that about? How do I end it?

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

Why are you so hell-bent on avoiding a serious relationship?

Are any of these women really LTR material?

What do you think about when you think of these women while you're getting/are emotionally involved? The future? Their smiles? The finer points of their personalities/character?

 

[thecurtainfalls]

How old are you? It sounds like you're a little younger. Once you have more time under your belt to watch women act like the heinous cvnts they're capable of being, this feeling will fade

In all seriousness though, I used to be kind of the same way to an extent in high school. How did I learn to stop doing this? I got my heart ripped out. Once I realized that I could nobly pine for these girls for all eternity and they still wouldn't give a sh!t, I wisened up.

Really, it's just about getting some more life experience. Good luck!

 

[SmoothTalker]

This is just my opinion, but many people here have a phobia of attachment and commitment, and I think that's stupid.

Sure if you can't be emotionless and completely detached, you probably won't be the ultimate player.

However deep emotional connections can be very rewarding. Mine have mostly been with entirely the wrong girls, so it would end terribly, and even given that, I don't regret them. Sure it would have hurt less if I had not been emotionally attached and if she was not attached to me, but it would have been less fulfilling too.

 

[chrisgoodrich25]

Recently I've been involved back and forth with about 5 girls. The problem is, I still get emotionally attached way too quickly, even though I have several girls at once.

When I went to a school trip to another country with my school, I witnessed that all the boys and girls on that trip were cheating. All of them. I pretty much lost the respect I had to humanity, but moreso to women, and yet I can't help but get feelings for the girls that I'm seeing.

I try to convince myself that "this will not be anything serious", and I remember the school trip where I witnessed the decadence of humanity, but still, it's like I eventually naturally glue to people.

What the hell is that about? How do I end it?

I think you just get infatuated with these girls..I do it to..but having some patience and self control..eventually you'll lose that infatuation and start to really see who they are if you want to be with them..chciks can be rough..so if you learn to be more detacthed at least initially you'll find you can descrimainate alot more..which is what you should be doing..if your looking to **** just ****em and descrimainate based soley on the sex..but if you want an LTR (i cant believe I wrote LTR thats so girlish) then you need to step back and evaluate these *****es..but it takes time..they have to drop their gaurd so you can see the real them..and you'll have to drop your gaurd to be the real you...

 

[909pua]

Ya unfortunately sometimes you have to drop your guard which may or may not expose your weaknesses. It sucks that the game has to be like this and you dont want the girl to get the wrong impression of you.

 

[WC2]

When a man too easily becomes infatuated with women he meets, he's either

1 ) Not seeing enough women

or

2 ) Lacking in other parts of life

Obviously you're dealing with more of #2, and I've seen a lot of buddies of mine fall straight into this category. They don't have much going on in their life besides their girlfriend(s).

Hobbies, jobs, aspirations, goals, activities, friends ; the list goes on.

If you aren't putting most of your effort towards these things (especially goals and aspirations) and putting them towards women instead, you will unfortunately become infatuated with women and women alone.

The same is for the man who puts most of his time towards his job and ignores his wife and kids. He becomes infatuated with work and money and starts lacking in the family department.

A good balance between your love life and your own life is an important thing.

 

[The Decay of Meaning]

2 ) Lacking in other parts of life

Obviously you're dealing with more of #2, and I've seen a lot of buddies of mine fall straight into this category. They don't have much going on in their life besides their girlfriend(s).

Hobbies, jobs, aspirations, goals, activities, friends ; the list goes on.

I go to school, I have a part time job, I invest my money. I do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and MMA and kick boxing, I lift weights, I try to learn Spanish and Mandarin. I play the piano and I read books.

I've set up a clear cut goals of what I want to achieve that will be completed by 1st of January 2010.

As for social life... Friday I had a buddy sleeping over and a girl I really like to visit me, saturday I was out with friends and went to the cinema, today at a bar with a friend. Tommorow a girl friend will come over, hang out, and we'll watch a movie.
So, although I must have a problem, I don't think it is that I am lacking in other parts of life..

I think you just get infatuated with these girls..

I think so too. But how do I control it?

 

[starplayer]

I have the same problem. A couple of times I got attached to girls who were supposed to be "just a bit of fun", even though they liked me first. Usually though it's caused by lack of options (oneitis), but you have other girls so i dunno. You sound like you have a life as well.

And to all the people that say it's ok to get emotionally attached: GIRLS HATE GUYS THAT GET EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED. It's the root of AFC behavior.

I've even gotten attached to girls i didn't particularly like because i needed their attention to feed my ego. I didn't want them, but i still wanted them to want me. Very unhealthy i know.

Sometimes though you can get attached to a girl because of the feeling that if you lose her she won't be easy to replace (mostly her looks if you're totally honest but can be personality as well)

Getting attached is our brains way of getting us to hold on to something we see as valuable. That's how oneitis happens. The guy puts such a high value on her, because the primitive caveman part of his brain tells him this may be one of the few chances he'll get to reproduce, so he holds on to her as hard as he can.

Remember you are not attached to the girl but rather something you're getting from her. Is it the pvssy? is it the ego boost? etc. You're putting a high value on these girls for something. You need to work out what it is.

Usually the best advice in these situations is the oldest: GFTOW (Go Fvck Ten Other Women). If you already have an abundance girls though, you probably need to do some inner game work.

 

[909pua]

hey decay, are you in CA?

 

[thecurtainfalls]

I have the same problem. A couple of times I got attached to girls who were supposed to be "just a bit of fun", even though they liked me first. Usually though it's caused by lack of options (oneitis), but you have other girls so i dunno. You sound like you have a life as well.

And to all the people that say it's ok to get emotionally attached: GIRLS HATE GUYS THAT GET EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED. It's the root of AFC behavior.

I've even gotten attached to girls i didn't particularly like because i needed their attention to feed my ego. I didn't want them, but i still wanted them to want me. Very unhealthy i know.

Sometimes though you can get attached to a girl because of the feeling that if you lose her she won't be easy to replace (mostly her looks if you're totally honest but can be personality as well)

Getting attached is our brains way of getting us to hold on to something we see as valuable. That's how oneitis happens. The guy puts such a high value on her, because the primitive caveman part of his brain tells him this may be one of the few chances he'll get to reproduce, so he holds on to her as hard as he can.

Remember you are not attached to the girl but rather something you're getting from her. Is it the pvssy? is it the ego boost? etc. You're putting a high value on these girls for something. You need to work out what it is.

Usually the best advice in these situations is the oldest: GFTOW (Go Fvck Ten Other Women). If you already have an abundance girls though, you probably need to do some inner game work.

Solid, real world advice. A+

 

[Ziniath]

I think so too. But how do I control it?

By figuring out why it is you fall for women so quickly.

I love every woman I meet, I think they are incredible creatures, all beautiful in their own way. But I am not dependant on them for my own happiness.

I don't NEED women in my life, I simply enjoy them as a part of my life.

Are you infatuated with these creatures because you feel that you require them for your happiness? Do you need something from them, such that an infatuation is the only way for you to experience happiness.

Quite often, when I am asked questions like this, I find myself offering this guidance:

It rarely matters WHAT you do, but rather, WHY you do it.

The same action, performed for an entirely different reason, can produce entirely different 'results'.

Why do you perform the actions you perform? Are you trying to lead an interesting life to try to get women to like you? Or are you involved in your hobbies because you couldn't possibly live your life any other way. And even if women didn't exist in the world, you would still pursue every one of those activities because they enrich your life?

I recently read an article that really helped me get to the crux of why I do the things that I do, but more importantly, why I DON'T do the things I REALLY want to do:

It's called "What Are You Waiting For?" and it nailed it on the head for me.

Good luck with this one, chief.