How to stop comparing myself to others?

[Fighter95]

I'm in college right now and every time I see a girl I want to approach I lose confidence and end up not doing anything. In my mind I keep thinking "why would she talk to me when there's 1000 other guys on campus that are taller, better looking, and more outgoing than I am?" Is there any way to get out of this mindset and to have higher self esteem? It's hard to keep my confidence up when every other guy looks like a male model on campus.

 

[skinnyguy]

Sometimes being outright delusional helps. If you think to yourself "I'm the hottest guy in the world and she's an HB 2" you will be much more likely to approach. It worked for me.

 

[casperian1980]

I don't have an answer for you, but I can relate to your plight. I am tall and women generally consider me good looking, but I still can't cold approach a woman in public. It's like I have this internal narrative that says "you're not the type of guy that does this sort of thing...you're not outgoing...don't approach." So I'm taking baby steps: making more eye contact, smiling, saying hello to women as they pass, etc. I'm also trying to make more small talk with my co-workers and all strangers regardless of gender or age. Believe me, I feel your pain!

I also recite the DJ Bible: inaction leads to more regret than action. In fact that quote reminds me of a time over five years ago when I was travelling alone in Madrid and there was this beautiful blonde sitting alone at a table in this large plaza. I kept waiting to see a guy come and sit next to her, but it didn't happen. To this day (five years later) I still regret not walking up and introducing myself. Even if she had rejected me, I know I would have felt victorious for having the courage to approach.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Good thing you are asking this question at this age

 

[SmooveMooves]

MAKE yourself the person you want to be. Eat healthy, exercise, groom well, dress well, fix anything you can control that you don't like about yourself. Fat? Get in shape. Dry skin, Acne? Dermatologist. Fvcked up grill? Call the dentist. Pvssy? Study the Bible.

The great thing about being a man is that we don't need to spend $55,000 to look A'Ight. Usually good eating and diet work wonders.

Better yourself and the confidence will come naturally because you'll actually be someone you like.

In the meantime focus your mind on getting better rather then self-pity. "My life is ass" will get you nowhere. However "What can I do to make my life non-ass" will get you started.

 

[Fighter95]

things are not always what they seem. a good number of good looking guys have 0 game at all. they skate by initially on their looks but they will ultimately fail in the long run unless they learn some game.

for starters you need to kill your negative thought process. its a cycle that feeds on itself. flip it around. tell yourself every day "i am the fuking man" 100 times a day every day from now on.

lost your job? "im still fuking the man"
gf dumped you? "im still the fuking man"
girl rejected you "im still fuking man"
better looking/smarter guys out there with more money? "im still the fuking man"

it might sound stupid, i know. but this works. trust me. it might not feel natural at first and you might feel like your lying to yourself but the way our bodies/mind work is in conjunction. whatever your body does, your mental thought patterns follow and vice -versa

eventually it stops becoming something you have to remind yourself. it simply becomes YOU it as real and part of your personality as all your other traits and it will show

Thanks for the advice man, I guess I could give it a shot and see what happens. Got nothing to lose. It really sucks to have this mental block holding me back

 

[escaleraroyal]

lost your job? "im still fuking the man"
gf dumped you? "im still the fuking man"
girl rejected you "im still fuking man"
better looking/smarter guys out there with more money? "im still the fuking man"

Totally disagree with this. This to me means, you are running away from your issues instead of facing it. It should be:

lost your job? "I'm will find a better job"
gf dumped you? "I'm will find another gf"
girl rejected you "This doesn't hurt, so don't worry"
better looking/smarter guys out there with more money? "First find a good job or get a job that can produce money"

 

[devilkingx2]

I'm in college right now and every time I see a girl I want to approach I lose confidence and end up not doing anything. In my mind I keep thinking "why would she talk to me when there's 1000 other guys on campus that are taller, better looking, and more outgoing than I am?" Is there any way to get out of this mindset and to have higher self esteem? It's hard to keep my confidence up when every other guy looks like a male model on campus.

comparing yourself to others isn't bad, it can help you improve yourself(learning from their mistakes AND from their triumphs)

but you shouldn't get discouraged, keep in mind that any girl in your league isn't good enough for any of the guys who're way better than you

ryan gosling wouldn't be caught dead with a HB7(or an HB8 actually)

why WOULDN'T she talk to you? are any of the other guys around? no(if they are, then are they talking to her?)? then you've got a better shot than they do.