How to show a girl you care while not looking like you want approval?

[apocalypse later]

I don't have any problems attracting girls anymore. My problem is keeping them.

One of the biggest flaws I have is showing that I care without looking too needy. I'm a really independent guy, or at least I feel I am. A lot of my girl friends at school think I'm pretty detached when it comes to emotions in a relationship. Most of my relationships have ended as of late because the girl feels I am just too uninterested in her.

Anyone have any advice? What would be the DJ way to show emotions?

 

[Fuglydude]

Are you just looking for casual dating/FBs...or are you looking for a girlfriend?

 

[apocalypse later]

Well, my girlfriend and I recently broke up after a rather massive argument. She told me she just doubts the relationship and doubts that I care.

So I guess I'm looking for advice for future girlfriends and not just casual dating.

 

[Fuglydude]

Well, my girlfriend and I recently broke up after a rather massive argument. She told me she just doubts the relationship and doubts that I care.

So I guess I'm looking for advice for future girlfriends and not just casual dating.

I'm assuming you want the best girl you can get...right? So my suggestion would be to initially date multiple women simultaneously...get a good rotation going. I find w/ myself 3-4 is good...then when one of em bores me/or I bore her, I'll gradually phase her out and bring in someone else.

This way you go thru lotsa women and can evaluate ones that are true keepers...It helps to build your confidence, improve your game, and its fun, atleast in my books!

I'm just telling you stuff that worked for me...

Just my 2 cents

 

[apocalypse later]

Yea, I've been doing that rotation dating. It's just that I kind of "comitted" to one and was in a LTR-esque relationship for about 2 months.

I guess I'm looking more for future advice of how not to look like an unemotional, cynical piece of crap. I want to be confident and independent, but I don't want to be a jerk and make the girl think I don't care about her.

 

[Nighthawk]

Kindness is not a weakness, make sure future gfs understand this.

 

[The_Unit]

I am in an LTR right now, and I am, wondering the same thing myself. So its a good topic for me, and a good chance to learn something too

I'm finding the hardest thing is how to keep a girl, not how to get one.

not knowing whether to drop the emotionally distant, C+F stuff? welcome to the club hehe

1) to be honest, I think all out C+F is really only for during the courtship phase. If she becomes ur gf or is quite obviously into you, dont do it that much. you want to be real, that is important, and thats what will make the LTR last. C+F won't.

You wont be able to come up with a witty/ C+F response everytime. You might be really strong at the beginning (like I was), but it'll taper off eventually.

Think of C+F like a bright red sign you're carrying. All C+F is for is to get her to notice you, to distinguish you from the tons of other guys out there. Once it becomes obvious shes your gf and totally into you, you dont need that bright red sign anymore. At that point, you want her to gradually know the real you. The kind, trusting, sincere you. The you who cheers her up in her darkest moment. The you who will stand by her side against all odds.

Once C+F has served its purpose, its not the time for "I have women chasing after me so I dont need you" crap. Be assertive, be confident, but love her with all your heart (if that is what you truly desire). you play too many C+F games, or you become to uncaring, and she'll actually think you might have another wife you havent told her about, or worse.

I guess I'm looking more for future advice of how not to look like an unemotional, cynical piece of crap. I want to be confident and independent, but I don't want to be a jerk and make the girl think I don't care about her.

give her surprises from time to time. there are tons of ways to say "I love you" without having to be there. pick her up on a rainy nite. buy a rose. leave a voice mail. things that show you care. you can also throw in a little C+F from time to time, but make sure she knows ur only joking.

 

[Fela Kuti]

BUMP. I have the same problem myself. My GF told me that she didn't feel I really put much effort in this relationship.

 

[wjh]

BUMP. I have the same problem myself. My GF told me that she doesn't feel I really put much effort in this relationship.

You shouldn't HAVE to put an incredible amount of effort into your relationship. Is she not happy with who you are? Are you happy with who you are?

Is she trying to change you into someone you don't want to be?

 

[DonJuan11]

One of the biggest flaws I have is showing that I care without looking too needy. I'm a really independent guy, or at least I feel I am. A lot of my girl friends at school think I'm pretty detached when it comes to emotions in a relationship. Most of my relationships have ended as of late because the girl feels I am just too uninterested in her.

IMHO you have intimacy problems dude. You hate it when girls get close to you so you sabotage the relationship before they can.

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[NickSCFC2000]

How to show a girl you care while not looking like you want approval?

Beat her up then say u love her