How to rid myself of this unattractive problem?

[youngmack]

I have a phobia of public speaking and presenting in class. This sucks big time for me. It's affects my life in the most negative way. I'm shy so this is probably tied in with my shyness. Whenever I have to present in class I start to shake,my heart starts racing, my voice starts to crack and tremble,i start sweating and it's just horrible. I usually carry myself in a smooth calm demeanor but when it's time to present I'm like a weak little pvssy in front of the class.

This is also detrimental to my game because girls who like me in class or find me attractive view me in a smooth suave way and then they see when I have to present and i look weak and not how they always see me. Which is a turn off to them. I HATE BEING THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.

Have any of guys had this problem at some point in your life and how did you overcome this? I read a book called "in the spotlight" but I don't really see it helping me. What can I do to get rid of this? This is the biggest problem in my life right now and I HAVE to stop this.

 

[tdotseoul]

You know how to get rid of a fear?
Face it and embrace it.

Where can you do that?
Join a speaking club.
A famous one is called the Toastmasters. I'm sure your city has a local chapter.
You can meet people who are in similar situations as you and probably another place you can pick chicks up at.

 

[JohnChops]

You know how to get rid of a fear?
Face it and embrace it.

Where can you do that?
Join a speaking club.
A famous one is called the Toastmasters. I'm sure your city has a local chapter.
You can meet people who are in similar situations as you and probably another place you can pick chicks up at.

Indeed, to get rid of a problem you face it head on with a solid plan that you MUST stick too.

 

[msi]

I used to hate public speaking. Absolutely detested it. I remember some project I did in high school where I spoke about witchcraft and religion (something I wanted to talk about) and I stood in front of that class and sweated myself to death. But people still complimented my project because my heart was in it.

College made me do tons of public speaking. Then I realized that it was pretty awesome having everyone's attention, and people naturally followed me by example -- so actually speaking to them was the next step. After some presentations, I realized I loved talking to an audience, to the point where I decided to become a teacher. I would like to add that I am EXTREMELY introverted.

I look at public speaking as an opportunity to lead people who need to be led. Perhaps you have the wrong mindset. You are the center of attention because you have to educate or enlighten your audience about your word. Look at it as a blessing because public speaking is far from a punishment -- the most powerful man in the room is not the man who talks to everyone... the most powerful man is the one who everyone listens to.

I use public speaking as a tool to open people to my world and you should try to do the same. As long as you speak with passion and conviction, people will love what you're saying. Whether or not it gets through to them is another story, and that is only their problem.

 

[muscleman]

It's called social SKILLS. They take time and effort to develop.

The best way is to get a job in the service industry where you have to talk to people, preferably girls. At 17 you won't have many options, but even doing cell phone sales in a mall (or any retail/sales) will get you comfortable talking to people.

 

[bcolon]

You know how to get rid of a fear?
Face it and embrace it.

Where can you do that?
Join a speaking club.
A famous one is called the Toastmasters. I'm sure your city has a local chapter.
You can meet people who are in similar situations as you and probably another place you can pick chicks up at.

I suffer from fear of rejection and fear of speaking in public. Like you said. The only medicine is to face and embrace the fear itself head on.

 

[youngmack]

So how do I face this? If joining a club requires cash then that's a no go because I dont have a job even though I'm going crazy trying to find one and applying.

 

[Cremasta]

, just prepare to an extreme extent so that you KNOW you're a master of the material you're presenting.

I do a fair bit of public speaking in my job, not every day, but enough to keep me on my toes. Until you're at the point where you're happy to just get up in front of a crowd (and trust me, you will get there), preparation is the key.
Just remember that the reason you're the one up in front is because no-one else in the room knows more about the topic than you. You don't need to know everything, just more than most of the audience. Forget the teacher, he/she's getting paid and had better know more than you, so they don't count.

Here's a few tips:
- Print out any notes in big fonts, maybe 24point or bigger, it's easier to find your place as you're speaking.
- You don't have to talk constantly, take a few breaths now and then as if you're letting the message sink in for your audience.
- You CAN refer to your notes, no-one expects you to know your entire presentation by heart.
- Remember to smile every now and then, it makes you look smarter and you'll feel more relaxed.

Good luck

 

[Poonani Maker]

You should, do a lot of risky physical activity, stuff you'd fear for your life if something went wrong. Do a lot of that. Then Get laid. Whala, public speaking problem gone. You will then be able to say anything on stage and be perfectly ok. Most people can't public speak, keep that in mind too, you're just one of the many who can't do it well. A good speaker does not remember a lot of facts or is precise. A good speaker has charisma. No one will care what you say if you exude charisma and can make stuff up on the spot, not preplanned. Spontaneity is what brings people out of boredom. Don't get too liberal though, balance being precise/factual with being spontaneous. This will well-round your message. Think of yourself as an artist while on stage. Is your painting before the audience, grotesque/ugly, misunderstood, or is your painting beautiful, and well-received/comprehended? Whatever canvas you showing them doesn't matter, because this is Your speech, this is you. They can take it or leave it.

 

[youngmack]

My problem isn't really not knowing my work. I always master my work and I know what I'm doing. It's just the public speaking that tiffs me up bad and the symptoms I get from them.

Like:
Shaking
What trembling voice
Sweating
Watery eyes
Racing heartbeat


It's just so horrible. And i don't know how to get rid of this.
I heard that u can get rid of any fear by actually loving your fear but how do I even start to love my fear? And the crazy thing is I have a presentation tomorrow and another one exactly a week from now. Even seeing the word "presentation" in a class assignment gets me super nervous.

 

[cococrispy]

My problem isn't really not knowing my work. I always master my work and I know what I'm doing. It's just the public speaking that tiffs me up bad and the symptoms I get from them.

Like:
Shaking
What trembling voice
Sweating
Watery eyes
Racing heartbeat


It's just so horrible. And i don't know how to get rid of this.
I heard that u can get rid of any fear by actually loving your fear but how do I even start to love my fear? And the crazy thing is I have a presentation tomorrow and another one exactly a week from now. Even seeing the word "presentation" in a class assignment gets me super nervous.

Considering I used to feel exactly the same way and I'm also close in age to you, I can be of some help. I took a dale carnegie public speaking course, and we would prepare a speech every week. It was a pain, but I am glad I did it.

When speaking, use your hands to convey your point. Also, the louder you speak the more confidence you portray I've noticed.

Embrace the center of attention as well, think of it as a good thing.

Stop giving a **** of what people think of you when you present.

Sounds weird, but telling yourself "I am the greatest" out loud and really meaning it helped me out as well.

I used to be known as the shyest guy in middle school, but here at college people nickname me thunderthroat because of how loud I am now, so I have come a far way.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I was quite the shy kid back in my elementary school days. However, I DID find that doing theater helped. It's a scripted set of words that I have to memorize ad nausea, that I had to practice day in and day out for a few weeks at a time. Come opening night, I'd still be nervous, but having done all that practice made me more confident about delivering the words I had to say.

I have also done quite a few sales jobs. Those jobs required me to go to people's houses and give one-on-one (or one-on-however many people are in the family) presentations. I'd recommend trying to sell Cutco knives (a product which is actually REALLY good and lasts darn near forever), or anything that has a good reputation and practically sells itself - that way you won't feel weird about potentially lying to the people you'd be presenting to.

Ultimately, getting rid of the fear means facing it head on and practicing it over and over again. I used to hate to give speeches; now, I can talk in front of a whole room of people and not get nervous. You got plenty of time, man, just start TODAY and work on it!

 

[Bible_Belt]

I had a girlfriend who was in Toastmaster's. English was not her first language, but she had to do public speaking because of her job. When she first started in the club, she was awful, and they were tough on her just like they are everybody. Within a couple of years, she gave better speeches than most people who were born in this country. She also had a lot of career success after that.

 

[Scars]

Face it head on. I used to play bass and I was always nervous at shows but after a few times it became easier. But then I decided to take a step up and be front man (lead vocals), I remember my first time and I started the very first song off beat at the beginning, I felt my body heat up, I got embarrassed and it felt like a thousand needles were poking my body all at once. I seriously wanted to just throw the mic down and walk off stage, but I kept going and got back on beat and finished the song, a long with the rest of the set list. It wasn't my best performance, in fact looking back at the video now I think our whole band sucked. But we got some good feedback, some people thought we were good, they wanted pictures and even signings. It was great, but I was hard on myself after. But I didn't give up. Had I, the out coming of that night would had been entirely different, and I'd probably be sitting here now wondering "what if"? Just face it head on. It's not as scary as you think, and once you gain momentum it becomes a lot easier.

-Scars

 

[youngmack]

So I basically have to keep doing public speaking over and over again? With each time on the verge if having a panic attack?

 

[tdotseoul]

"Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back."

 

[Scars]

So I basically have to keep doing public speaking over and over again? With each time on the verge if having a panic attack?

If you can, try simulated tests, if you have to speak in front of 100 people try speaking in front of 50, or maybe even 10. Read things to family and friends, start small if you have to. But the key is, if you can publicly speak in front of 10 people you can do it in front of 100 or even 1,000. Practice makes perfect, and try not to care so much. Try to own it. You will always be nervous the first few times, and even then some. Watch a few rockstar documentaries and how they answer the age old question "do you still get nervous on stage", a lot of them will say "a little", or "at first yeah", but then they quickly get comfortable. Staring at a crowd can be intimidating at first but if you are confident in your ability then it becomes easier and you take control. Eventually you can become the type of speaker that has the audience hanging on every word, people are really listening to you, they laugh when you want to, they shut up when you want to, they cheer when you want to.. Control it. I know it's easier said than done, and it takes practice, but the first step is not getting nervous. If anything, remind yourself that at least you have the balls to go up in front of many people and speak in front of them. I'd be willing to bet at least %98 of the people you speak to can't even do that.

-Scars

 

[Dominance]

A few things.

-Join toastmasters which is a public speaking club, they are all around the world. You start small and challenge yourself and the people there are very supportive. It helped me massively with speaking, back at school I just was terrible at speaking and would be so nervous, so much that I refused to speak in front of the class at some stage and just did the speech in front of the teacher.

-Research EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) which is a way of letting go of negative emotions and work on it with that. I feel there may be experiences in your past that are contributing to this. One reason I refused to speak in front of my class as I mentioned was because I got bullied by them so much. So you want to explore them, let go of the emotions, change the learning/belief created and turn the memories around to something positive. If your curious about EFT then send me a pm.

-Try some meditation, there is cd's you can get that help you with this and it will help you relax.

Hope that helps.