How to respond to girl's e-mail about date and money question?

[Inc. ©]

Ok, so I met a girl from online last week and we met up just expecting to be friends. We had a casual coffee date and it went well. So well we decided to be friends I guess and she told me we'd have to get together sometime. I gave her a hug for some kino. So I want to transition this into dating and not just friends. I couldn't do it on the first date because we were just expecting to be friends, but the chemistry was there so I want to escalate this.

This girl like won't pick up her phone so I had to ask her out over e-mail. I invited her to this event and she said she'd love to go, asked when we'd go, and how much it would cost. I was planning on treating her to it so it feels like a date and not friends. She said "money is super tight" right now. She sounds interested...I still don't know if she's in friends-only mode or if she felt the chemistry I felt though.

How should I respond to this e-mail or I'll try to reach her over the phone, but she seems to be an e-mailer...not sure what to do.

 

[stalluproar]

Stick to your guns and still go. Let her know she is missing out and either go with a guy friend to sarge or find another girl who will.

I generally would discourage going to big ticket events with a girl in the early stages of dating unless you are paying or got the hook-up. It is like you are placing a large bet on the game of blackjack in the beginning of the shoe. Yes you can still win, but you have a better chance once you see how the cards come out and strategically place the bet later in the shoe.

 

[flexion_]

Never meet up with a woman expecting to be friends. Expect to date her that way you won't have to undo all the damage you have done so far by trying to be her friend. You went out with her trying to be LJBF'ed?

She asked you how much it costs for this event - that means she is planning on paying her own way. Do *NOT* try and buy her affection by paying for everything. She has to earn that first.

You should reply by telling her how much the tickets are for the event - don't offer to pay for her.

 

[penkitten]

actually from what you wrote i dont see where she has indicated friends or date
she indicated that she would love to go and wants to go however she wanted to know how much her share would cost to see if she could afford it and then hinted that she was broke and would like for you to pay.

you are going to have to decide on your own if you think she is in it for a date or for friendship.

 

[Inc. ©]

stalluproar,

She said she'd love to go. She didn't deny me at all. It's not a big ticket event for me. It wouldn't be much for me to pay for both of us, but she's strapped and she mentioned that on the date. The only reason I suggested this baseball game is because she's into baseball and it's something we talked about on the date. I knew she'd love to go.

flexion,

I met her on craigslist on "strictly platonic". There's not much choice I had. I wasn't LJBF. It's just ambiguous. Heck, after I make a move I may find she wants to be more than friends. She was planning her on way because it's still ambiguous at this point and she knew it to be presumptuos if she asked me to pay. The reason I want to pay is because I have to get rid of the ambiguity of the situation. Ya hear?

 

[Inc. ©]

penkitten,

I appreciate your response, seems you understand what I wrote. The friends thing was because we met online under "strictly platonic," but how do you know you are platonic or romantic before you meet??? I sure didn't. That's where the ambiguity comes in. Hmmm....interesting you say she was "hinting" at me paying. Sounds good.

 

[Luveno]

Originally posted by Inc. ©
Ok, so I met a girl from online last week and we met up just expecting to be friends.

This is the real clinger. Sounds to me she's attractive and uses this as her excuse to get free meals and tickets to events from guys like you.

Going out 'as friends' was your biggest mistake and makes you a huge chump. No man should have "as friends" as a reason to meet a woman from the internet. It doesn't make sense, unless you have no friends, and if you don't you shouldn't be on the goddamn internet all day!

Back on point: don't go to this event with her at all, and for God's sake DONT pay for her ticket. You've made one mistake, now don't make another one.

 

[Inc. ©]

Re: Re: How to respond to girl's e-mail about date and money question?

Originally posted by Luveno
This is the real clinger. Sounds to me she's attractive and uses this as her excuse to get free meals and tickets to events from guys like you.

Going out 'as friends' was your biggest mistake and makes you a huge chump. No man should have "as friends" as a reason to meet a woman from the internet. It doesn't make sense, unless you have no friends, and if you don't you shouldn't be on the goddamn internet all day!

Back on point: don't go to this event with her at all, and for God's sake DONT pay for her ticket. You've made one mistake, now don't make another one.

WTF?? Is this site being led by the blind...ok, we are both new in town. We already met for a date and she paid for herself. This would be date #2. This girl is genuine and down to earth...no gold-digger at all. You can read what I put above as the going out as friends thing....if you meet someone off the net, how can't you just go out as friends at first???

 

[flexion_]

Thank god I'm blind.

 

[Inc. ©]

Never meet up expecting to be friends?? You don't meet a girl online and start groping her when you see her...you have a casual coffee date like I did! I did nothing wrong.

 

[Luveno]

Re: Re: Re: How to respond to girl's e-mail about date and money question?

Originally posted by Inc. ©
WTF?? Is this site being led by the blind...ok, we are both new in town. We already met for a date and she paid for herself. This would be date #2. This girl is genuine and down to earth...no gold-digger at all. You can read what I put above as the going out as friends thing....if you meet someone off the net, how can't you just go out as friends at first???

Hey man, I've been around the block a little more than you. I'm trying to lend you a hand.

Your tone suggests that what I said is something you've already thought of but won't believe is true. Accept the facts.

I know that she paid for her own thing on your first meeting. But agreeing to meet as only friends highly diminishes any chance of a true passionate relationship forming. The fact that she only suggested that you be friends makes it obvious that she isn't very interested in you.


Also, you said the girl wouldn't pick up her phone? To me that sounds like a very low interest level.

Ok, I'm going to make a little prediction: You're going to agree to pay for this ticket to the baseball game, but she will decline last minute for some hokey excuse.

or

She will go to the game(on your tab) but not in the least lay a finger on you, and after the game she will be out of there faster than me trying to swing at Roger Clements' pitches. She will also not suggest that you meet further. Or you will get LJBFd.



As I said above, I'm taking what you said, and putting it together to predict how your success with this girl will be. I'm skeptical right now.

 

[Inc. ©]

Luveno,

Ok, I see where you are coming from. I may have mis-described some of the situation. We met after she responded to a "strictly platonic" ad I posted on craigslist. If you know craigslist, no woman in her right mind is going to respond to an ad in the "men seeking women" section because the guy will probably send her a picture of his ****! "Strictly platonic" is the only section a woman can meet a decent guy.

So we met to hang out. There was chemistry and it was a casual date. She suggested we see each other again (not me).

She doesn't answer her phone much, but she e-mailed me back just 8 hours after I e-mailed her today. Said she'd "love to go"...there wasn't any wavering.

I'll let you know what happens.

P.S. Every girl I meet online I meet just as friends at first to keep it casual. Then, I decide if I want to pursue it further.

 

[Luveno]

Good luck. Tell us how it goes.

 

[stalluproar]

OK, to me it seems like a big ticket (when I mean big ticket, not front row basketball, sold out football game, etc). If she makes the comment she is strapped, tell her that the fun she will have is worth a few dollars she might have to spend.

Correct me if I am wrong, but relax on worrying about the labeling what type of relationship is going on. To her, it sounds like you are trying to play it safe, which kills the ambguity. If you are ambiguious, say you would make a nice friend one time. If you keep saying we are just going out as friends, red flags will go off in her head and the date coming in would be awkward to her.

 

[penkitten]

i say when you meet someone from online for the first time, expect friends but hope for sparks. if the cemistry is there then they agree to see you again. if there was no cemistry she would not say she would love to go out again.

i also think that you should kiss her no later than the second date because if you do not it will place your relationship in the friendship zone. if too much time passes and there is no kiss, there is not going to be.

there is a rumor that goes around and seems fairly true that if you dont get laid by the third date, you aint getting laid.
so kissing has to come before that.

 

[Bonhomme]

Don't push anything

Who says you need to date this gal, anyway? Not like there aren't millions of other women in the world.

I'm not picking up any solid indication that she does want to date you, per se. I think she was hinting that she wants to do something cheap. Cool enough. Cheap is good.

Just chill, don't make a big deal of it, and enjoy yourself. Don't be afraid to be sexual, but don't push it. That's the best I can describe it in words.

If there's a vibe, then go with it. If not, just go with that. Just don't make something out of nothing or nothing out of something, and things will be as well as they will.

*********

There was one woman who I went out with a lot as a friend, and I know she really wanted me. But I was just not into her enough sexually for what she not-too-subtly hinted that she wanted (i.e., a committed LTR). So it can happen after dozens of dates with no kiss, if she wants you and she has reason to believe that you don't want her. It's all about the dynamics.