how to resolve low IL ldr/ltr

[lxr]

I'm suffering #30 from
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=191182
Low IL/Acting distant
we were 3 months in when summer came and we decided to stay in relationship despite spending break from uni in different states. Good contact for first two months, now not so much. I think she has gotten back with her ex, they traveled together to attend a wedding, went to an amusement park and stayed in hotel together. I thought she was being distant because she was upset because she is uncomfortable with her ex, but social media (which she will update, but won't email me) says otherwise.

My attitude is fine, I believe. I don't care. I have options and the ex seems cool. My question is how to resolve this. She is without cell service most of the time so a phone call has to be scheduled(true, don't ask) , yet she is ever without time (probably not true).
I want just ask her: "name, do you still want to be with me? I still want to be with you"
1st: is this afc? I want to be direct, though.
2nd: do I need to wait this out for phone call or can I just email this shyt?
I just want to resolve the situation. I'd rather her come back to me when uni starts, but if she doesn't want to I don't care, as long as this vague "relationship" is cleared up.

I'd rather not "fvck everything and start screwing anyone" because, like I said, I still want to be together and that is reckless not to mention mean.

Please advise,
lxr

 

[lxr]

forgot to mention: we planned to see each other again on Sept. 17, a week before class starts.

 

[Purefilth]

dont do the feelings talk, by phone, or by email. It wont go well for you if you still want her.


I'd suggest missing a few of your 'scheduled' phone calls, see if that sparks up her interest a bit.
If it doesn't, then your princess is more than likely in another castle... at least for the summer anyways.
there are plenty of posts here with great advice that will probably help, just look through the search bar, most will tell you roughly the same though dude.
good luck

 

[Skalioppe]

I want just ask her: "name, do you still want to be with me? I still want to be with you"
1st: is this afc? I want to be direct, though.

Whatever you do, DO NOT DO THAT!!! It's about as AFC and Omega male as it gets and will kill any chance you have! Remember this following rule and burn it into your memory : Don't do emotional sh1t with women, keep it cool. Leave the emotional sh1t to women, they are genetically and hormonally programmed for it, and are also programmed to be attracted to Alpha men who generally don't do the emotional sh1t (because as Alphas they have lots of possibilities). Women always love the challenge of trying to soften up Alpha men to get them to display affection and undying love, and will stay interested in them for as long as they provide that challenge. If they break an Alpha, the dynamic changes, and ironically they lose interest, I've seen it happen time and again and done it myself. It's why a lot of women love absolute b@stards, it's their innate female response and their inability to crack them.

2nd: do I need to wait this out for phone call or can I just email this shyt?
I just want to resolve the situation. I'd rather her come back to me when uni starts, but if she doesn't want to I don't care, as long as this vague "relationship" is cleared up.

As much as it goes against your emotional desire, just wait and DO NOT chase. You stand more chance to get what you want by doing the opposite of what your heart is trying to get you to do, so wait until she contacts.

I'd rather not "fvck everything and start screwing anyone" because, like I said, I still want to be together and that is reckless not to mention mean.

Dude, you have SERIOUS oneitis and need to start spinning plates or you're heading for some major upset.

 

[Iceberg]

My attitude is fine, I believe. I don't care. I have options and the ex seems cool. My question is how to resolve this.

Everything about this situation screams that you DO care.

Saying that you "don't care" and then asking how to salvage this Long Distance relationship with a girl who's banging her ex because you don't want to start screwing someone new....seems pretty illogical right?

I want just ask her: "name, do you still want to be with me? I still want to be with you"
1st: is this afc? I want to be direct, though.

It's probably THE most AFC thing you could say. It reeks of insecurity and self doubt, and placing too much importance on this woman.

Never ask anything like that. Ever.

2nd: do I need to wait this out for phone call or can I just email this shyt?
I just want to resolve the situation. I'd rather her come back to me when uni starts, but if she doesn't want to I don't care, as long as this vague "relationship" is cleared up.

If you'd define the relationship as "vague" then I'd say that it's pretty clear, right? That's a pretty clear message right there. A girl who really likes you isn't going to make you feel "vague" about the relationship.

I'd rather not "fvck everything and start screwing anyone" because, like I said, I still want to be together and that is reckless not to mention mean.

You can want anything in the world. You can want a million dollars. You can want to grow wings and fly. You can want to be with this girl. But what you want doesn't mean sh!t. This girl doesn't belong to you anymore.

You can approach this like a sensitive teenager or you can approach it like a man.

 

[lxr]

ahh, it's a test. I see now. We'll I'll just continue my nc then (nc for 3 days) . does it mean I have oneitis if I don't want to go on dates while I am in an official relationship? That's the problem: I don't want to go on other dates while we are together so I just want this to be resolved haha. If you are telling me I need to go on other dates then then I just have a different viewpoint, sorry.

What made me feel good yesterday was heading out to the mall. got a fresh new haircut, spent a few hours at sephora perfume shopping (maybe ill write a review; ended up purchasing Terre D' Hermes Pure Parfum) and practicing game on random girls. If I can keep this mindset on focusing on upgrading myself then I should be fine, right?

 

[Iceberg]

ahh, it's a test. I see now.

Haha, it's a test?

We'll I'll just continue my nc then (nc for 3 days) . does it mean I have oneitis if I don't want to go on dates while I am in an official relationship? That's the problem: I don't want to go on other dates while we are together so I just want this to be resolved haha. If you are telling me I need to go on other dates then then I just have a different viewpoint, sorry.

You're not in an official relationship. That's the thing.

People in official relationships SEE each other. They TALK to each other. They don't go on overnight trips with their ex boyfriends or ex girlfriends.

You're not in a relationship. You're delusional.

What made me feel good yesterday was heading out to the mall. got a fresh new haircut, spent a few hours at sephora perfume shopping (maybe ill write a review; ended up purchasing Terre D' Hermes Pure Parfum) and practicing game on random girls. If I can keep this mindset on focusing on upgrading myself then I should be fine, right?

WTF? Perfume? Ugh. Okay, you've gotten enough attention from me for one day.

 

[lxr]

@iceberg jeez man you're aggressive. I don't think I'm the emotional one between the two of us ^_^
What I meant was that I do care about the situation, just not whether or not we break up. I just want to expedite the process, but I don't have the guts to cut it off myself without confirmation from her, because we agreed before summer that we would keep in contact about that kind of stuff.

I get the message about not contacting her. So the plan is to "spin other plates" and wait for her to contact me.

edit: what's wrong with cologne, exactly?

 

[Purefilth]

iceberg is right. and

If I can keep this mindset on focusing on upgrading myself then I should be fine, right?

nope, you wont, because youre still focusing too much on one girl - wrong mindset. focus on you and NEXT this chick already!

 

[lxr]

alright sounds good man, do I next her by cheating then? Or just tell her straight up that we're done and not to contact me, based on what I *felt*? seems kind of over sensitive

 

[Iceberg]

@iceberg jeez man you're aggressive. I don't think I'm the emotional one between the two of us ^_^
What I meant was that I do care about the situation, just not whether or not we break up. I just want to expedite the process, but I don't have the guts to cut it off myself without confirmation from her, because we agreed before summer that we would keep in contact about that kind of stuff.

Right. But right now, you're not contacting each other about ANYTHING. Which, in essence, means that she's cut off the relationship.

If a girl never sees you, barely talks to you, and demands that you schedule a time with her before calling, do you really need to ASK about your relationship status?

Seems kinda stupid, right?

You: "Hey (girlfriend), you never see me or talk to me or make plans with me...but I just wanted to call and ask....do you still like me?"

alright sounds good man, do I next her by cheating then? Or just tell her straight up that we're done and not to contact me, based on what I *felt*? seems kind of over sensitive

You're not in a relationship, so it's not cheating. And no, I wouldn't call her and tell her anything. She's already went No Contact on you. She's done. Move on.

 

[lxr]

I see. Thanks for the tips guys!

 

[Greasy Pig]

You're worried about cheating on some slore who's fvcking her ex?

It may seem harsh but wake up. Seriously.
She's disrespecting you, playing you, controlling when and how you interact.....I honestly think she's done with you. So why prolong the pain?
I was in a very similar situation at the start of this year and it tore me apart. Couldn't sleep, was always thinking about her, kept trying to reach out to her and getting nothing back.

It was the advice I got from here that helped me take my balls back and start living a worthy life free from trying to work women out and letting them walk all over me.

 

[drak_ool]

ahh, it's a test. I see now... does it mean I have oneitis if I don't want to go on dates while I am in an official relationship?

that was hilarious dude! So the broad is banging her ex, going on trips with him, not talking to YOU, and you still consider yourself in a relationship, so much so that you don't wanna see other girls? Wake up bro, this is the real world!

Everything Iceberg said is right, he might be harsh but he is right.

And here's one LTR tip (i was in one for 1.5 yrs, long story): bang as many chicks as you can! Because when the inevitable happens, and she finds a local man who can attend to her needs day in, day out, you don't wanna be stuck in the situation you are now, looking back at your lost summer and all the hot chicks you could have banged and thinking "why did I hold myself back for???"

 

[DonJuanabe]

You know you're in a relationship when:
1) The girl communicates with you often.
2) You see each other at least twice each week.
3) You have sex with the girl.
4) Your assessment of you and the girl does not involve the words: confusing, vague, erratic, standoffish, etc.
5) The girl smiles when she's around you.
6) The girl wants you to hold her hand.
7) The girl is not disrespectful.
...