You guys are making this too difficult. Let me explain to you, in detail, how to recognize a unicorn when you see one.
- She will be beautiful. Her face will be perfectly symmetrical and her body will be that of a goddess. Firm breasts and a tight ass.
- She will be emotionally stable. She doesn't overreact, ever. She looks at all situations from a rational standpoint.
- She will be financially stable. She has her money in order and a budget planned, with some sound investments to boot. Her investments are different than yours to promote diversity.
- She is fantastic at sex without being experienced. She likely attended seminars to learn how to deepthroat a c*ck without gagging. She's either a virgin or "technically a virgin." She's been saving herself for you since her body blossomed.
- She has two, loving parents. They're heterosexual and have never strayed from each other. Her father is rich but humble, and her mother is a unicorn as well.
- Ultimate submission. She will literally do anything you ask her to. Seriously. Anything.
- Public affection is okay. She will suck your d*ck on a bus if you want her to. She has no problems showing off her prize stud, which is, of course, you.
- She has good values. She talks nicely to strangers. She tips wait staff 40% without question. She will even blow your waiter, if it's what you want.
- She has perfectly round child-bearing hips. Her hips will produce healthy babies, and they never lie.
- She literally can't see other men. They aren't there. It's like Shallow Hal, but backwards.
- Her IQ is 1 point below yours.
- She went to an Ivy league school. One of the good ones!
- She's a great mother and she doesn't want kids. She doesn't have kids, but she'd be a great mother. You can just tell these things.
- When pressed firmly, her cl*toris will spray strawberry-scented non-toxic perfume. It's also edible, in case you want a snack.
- She doesn't poop.
- She's always ready on time. She will never make you wait for anything.
- Her favorite thing to do is lick your balls. She seriously loves that sh*t.
- She cooks, she cleans, and she's handy around the house. She can actually make pesto while mopping and fixing that damn garage door, all before you get home from work.
- She knows when to be quiet.
