Many so called communication experts beleive that the best way to listen is by saying stuff like uh huh, yeah, ok, sure, their wrong. It doesn't help the convosation at all despite popular belief, all it's doing if breaking rapport, kinda like deleting words off someones essay as their trying to write.
Whenever I'm in a convosation which I don't like I start sayin "ok" throught their sentance, it's like I'm making full stops. I see it as a gun shooting out someones tires, it absolutly kills the momentum of the convo.
Since talking with an instructor called Harlaquin I've been using silence as a weapon. Juggler is also a massive fan of using silence, he tends to use it after a question from what I've read. After a week or two of discovering this I've started to calibrate, here's an example,
Girl. Omg my car broke down today...
S0. .....
girl. ..................................... I was driving home from blah blah blah
By analysing this little imaginery interaction you can see that the girl continued talking. A common mistake would have been for me to say something like OMG how did that happen. It doesn't have the same effect, it would come across as her frame controlling me (using the words frame control loosely).
I give the person as much silence as they want and as soon as they are finished I will wait a few seconds and then comment.
Imagine you're painting a picture and then someone walks over and starts editing, chucking in time constraints and critisising, it effects the end result. Instead, I wait for the finished piece then I critisise it, maybe paint my own picture. It gives the person time to express them self.
As I mentioned, I have a high standard of who I let into my life, so if someone annoys me I will break rapport.
Notes.
Maintain strong eye contact, smiley eyes.
Have a slight alpha smile.
Focus.
Cheers,
S0
Whenever I'm in a convosation which I don't like I start sayin "ok" throught their sentance, it's like I'm making full stops. I see it as a gun shooting out someones tires, it absolutly kills the momentum of the convo.
Since talking with an instructor called Harlaquin I've been using silence as a weapon. Juggler is also a massive fan of using silence, he tends to use it after a question from what I've read. After a week or two of discovering this I've started to calibrate, here's an example,
Girl. Omg my car broke down today...
S0. .....
girl. ..................................... I was driving home from blah blah blah
By analysing this little imaginery interaction you can see that the girl continued talking. A common mistake would have been for me to say something like OMG how did that happen. It doesn't have the same effect, it would come across as her frame controlling me (using the words frame control loosely).
I give the person as much silence as they want and as soon as they are finished I will wait a few seconds and then comment.
Imagine you're painting a picture and then someone walks over and starts editing, chucking in time constraints and critisising, it effects the end result. Instead, I wait for the finished piece then I critisise it, maybe paint my own picture. It gives the person time to express them self.
As I mentioned, I have a high standard of who I let into my life, so if someone annoys me I will break rapport.
Notes.
Maintain strong eye contact, smiley eyes.
Have a slight alpha smile.
Focus.
Cheers,
S0
