How to proceed with this one

[nvictor]

I have a friend who had a longtime girlfriend.
She's been leaving abroad for 8 years. But
every one year or two, she'll come back. They
would build up together as if nothing happened.
He wouldn't lift a finger. I've tried to rationalize
this. I couldn't. The human being is so weird.

So whenever I heard friendzone I think of this
example. 8-years friends, making out together
every summer or two?

Not every girl knows the limit line.

 

[vorbis]

First of all, I'm not asking if she's interested in me. I figure she is some bit as she keeps sending the texts. My problem lately is not so much been nervous about talking to girls but with being smooth.

So anyways, this is the chick I got a number off at a party last Saturday before "entertaining" another girl in the bathroom (at a different party)

I rang her on the Tuesday, got voicemail and left a message asking her to call me back. K is Kate.

On Wednesday, i get the following message
"Sorry, i missed your call last night, I was out playing twistergirl (her costume). Good Halloween? So.. I don't think I will meet up with you but maybe I will see you sometime. K"

me "I missed the part where I asked you to meet up. Do you always write such contradictory texts?"

her "You asked me to meet up when we were talking, i realize not in your message"

me "Oh yeah.. I have a very short term memory. See any good costumes out last night? I stayed in last night and gave candy to trick or treaters"

her "I won't hold your short memory against you if you don't hold the occasional contradictory msg against me. Good costume? A friend was the game operation"

me "Nice, in the spirit of contradiction, fancy going to see Borat on Friday. blah"

her "No thanks, I saw enough of him at the party (guy was dressed up as him)

me "Haha. Btw am I supposed to keep guessing stuff till you find something you like. This could take a while..."

her "No thats alright, no need to guess. We'll just stick with that idea that noone mentioned meeting up, ok? Goodnight

Meaow! I thought it was blown at this point so I toned down the sarcasm.

me "Thats a pity. We're either hitting it off or really annoying each other. Always hard to tell with sarcasm. Goodnight"

Tbh, I wasn't expecting to hear back from her but the following night the text chatting started again.

her "Yeah I know. I was sarcastic as hell. I apologize for that."

me "Am I seeing a kinder, gentler side of you? This shows promise."

her "Is it the full moon? Or is it this spanish wine?"

me "Alcohol reduces sarcasm? Interesting.. Any plans for the weekend?

her "I'll be around here. Tonight at the Cantab Lounge. Good soul music. You should come by"

This sounds good but its like 10:30 on a Thursday night and I'm at home watching tv. I don't see it as a genuine invitation as I would look like her ***** if I scurried to get ready just to meet her.

me"That sounds good but I plan to do blah in the morning. That won't happen after a few drinks Tomorrow night?"

her"Pity, can't tomorrow, some other time.."

me"Maybe.. When suits for you?"

her"Don't know yet. Can I talk to you later, ok?"

me"Sure, have fun Kate"

her"Thanks, have a good night..k"

And thats where its at currently! Incidentally, she resent the last message an hour later at 12:40AM. Apologies for length. Unsure whether to continue bantering via text or to ring her to set up something. Ideas?

me

 

[nvictor]

vorbis, you gave me good advice. let me give you this one. forget her up a bit. ignore her a bit. and take note of the reaction.

 

[Charm&Style]

it seems that you annoy the hell out of her when you two talk.

the ball is on her court...WHY?

youve given all command to her, grab it back.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Vorbis: Dude your a friend. Just cuz a girl texts you or contacts you, doesn't mean she has "interest." Think about it this way- When a girl has interest in you she makes time to see you. This girl is convientently busy everytime you ask her to hangout and hasn't even given you an alternative so you two can hang out.

Put her in the back of the line and meet new girls.




PIMP

 

[vorbis]

Saying I'm "friendzoned" is off the mark imo. I only met the girl last Saturday! I also took her number at the party in a "I want to date / **** you" context. I've done nothing imo to indicate to her that I want to be her friend. I have two other girls in play at the moment so I might leave her be till I see her out again or she contacts me.

I have to say thought that this constant "you're in friendzone" advice on this site just annoys me. Friendzone would relate to a girl you've known for a while. Its entirely possible that nothing will happen with this chick but that would be due to low interest level.

 

[vorbis]

nvictor how did your post end up at the top??
Update:
Sunday evening, I get a text from her out of the blue
"Hi, I'm going for a beer at (local bar) in a bit. Want to come? Kate"

Really didn't expect this. She had sent it at a reasonable time (7) so I responded saying sure why not. Only downside was it must be the one bar in boston without a tv, missed most of the Patriots match.

So, I go the bar and theres a local band playing there. Seems to be something she does a lot, i.e. going to pubs to watch bands on her own. She was already after buying a drink so we each ended up buying our own drinks for the night.

Talk went well and there was lots of flirty eye contact. This guy she knew from somewhere though came over to say hello and ended up staying! It pissed me off a little as he was obviously trying to game her. She took a while to introduce me to him and for a while it just felt like, is she trying to play games? Or as Pimp-sicle said, was she viewing me as a friend? I just ignored them for periods and re-engaged them every so often. The bar was too loud to have a three way conversation. It also meant talking to other girls to create jealousy was not an option.

Me acting a bit disinterested seemed to work as she began trying to talk to me more than the other guy. The guy also came across a bit creepy by saying he could give her a lift home (she didn't know him that well). He also bought me a drink (she stopped drinking as she was driving)! We left soon after I finished my drink (she was giving me a lift home).

Outside I tooled the guy by describing him as "seemed nice ... he's harmless". She also started talking about him in a dismissive way wondering why he was talking to us all night. All through the night, I was gradually escalating kino, started with hand on shoulder, leaning in, hand on leg, hand around her outside. At this point, I wasn't entirely sure that she viewed me as more than a friend. She drove me home and that got solved as we made out in front of my house. She wouldn't come in but it was still a very nice end to the night

I suppose I need to take back some of the leading in this. Thinking of texting her tomorrow or Wednesday asking what good bands are playing this week. Ideas?

 

[GHardy]

Forget it. She is playing you. She's giving you just enough to make you think she MIGHT be interested, but is not really giving you anything at all.

You could give it one more try for the weekend and if she blows you off again, move on. Girls who are interested in you don't make it difficult at all. If a girl really wants you, she will bend over backwards to spend time with you.

This one doesn't seem to be that into you, but is using you as an ego-stroke. You could go with it if you want and take what she gives you, but it will probably be more trouble than it's worth.

 

[vorbis]

GHardy, did you read my last post? SHE invited me out yesterday and we ended up making out. I gues what I'm now asking is if I continue being distant (make her contact me) or get more proactive (contact her). I can't remember a girl inviting me out first before so am unsure how to play it.

 

[GHardy]

Yes, I read it. Women can make out with men they are not that interested in, it happens all the time.

In answer to your question, I would get proactive as a test to see how she responds. If she gives a definite positive, then you're doing fine. If she continues to be wishy-washy as in the past:

her"Pity, can't tomorrow, some other time.."

me"Maybe.. When suits for you?"

her"Don't know yet. Can I talk to you later, ok?"

Then she is playing you and you need to back off and let her start chasing you again. But if you continue being distant then you might go back and forth with these dumb text conversations for way more time than it's worth if all you want is to get laid.

 

[xectxny19x]

See if she will go out with you 2 or 3 more times. You set the limit. Be specific about the date, time & activity. If she is still busy, she is probably not interested & invited you out, b/c she was bored. :trouble:

A girl should at least give you advanced notice(advanced notice does not mean a couple of hours beforehand. It just says to her you had nothing else to do that day or was readily able to ditch anything you had planned in order to go out w/ her which is a No-No:nono: ) when asking you out.

It doesn't sound like all is lost though. Just set up some dates. Maybe only 2-3 more times. Whether she is truely busy or not does not matter. She should at least counter offer you w/ some advanced notice...not call you on the day she wants to hang out. Set an amount of time in your mind about how much you will tolerate her dodging your invites & make sure you will move on from there.:rockon:

 

[vorbis]

A girl should at least give you advanced notice(advanced notice does not mean a couple of hours beforehand. It just says to her you had nothing else to do that day or was readily able to ditch anything you had planned in order to go out w/ her which is a No-No:nono: ) when asking you out.

I did actually think about this when i got the text. Still though, not having plans on a Sunday night is nothing unusual in my book. If she had sent the text on a Friday or Saturday night, I would have been out. Its possible GHardy that she just invited me out for company. I think though its a stretch to say that she's not interested after making out with me. I'll go with trying to set something up.

Interestingly, I asked her why she was acting like a hard ass originally. She said I was acting like that to her when we met (don't remember) and that she only does it to people who she feels will give it back.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Vorbis: I don't know how I missed that you just got this chick's number last Saturday. I was under the impression that you had known her for a bit. That definitely changes things. Looks like things are going well, but she's definitely playing the game with you.

Its good that your gaming other chicks at the moment so you don't get too infatuated with this situation.

One thing a lot of the newbies here forget or miss, is establishing interest. You have to spend time with a girl your gaming before you start to put your game tactics to work. Otherwise your just a guy she gave her number to and she'll forget about you just as easily. You did well bro, I would've gone as well. Just keep doing what your doing and you'll get her.




PIMP

 

[xectxny19x]

She's behaved herself by making out w/ you. Props!

Ok. So let's say she is interested now, hopefully, try to go out w/ her more, but careful..when she keeps telling you some other time & then calling you out of the blue. She HAS to at least counter offer you w/ a specific date or something specific...not an ambiguous let me get back to you or maybe some other time.

i.e. when she declined,
- you asked HER when would be a good time for her
- you were offering other activities

those are definitely tell-tale signs that YOU are interested, but I haven't heard her doing any of that w/ you. It's true she may not have been interested before...so hopefully, if she is interested now, she starts wanting to meet up w/ you. :rockon:

 

[vorbis]

Update:
I texted her on Wednesay asking her if there was any good bands playing in the area on Thursday night. She responded and suggested a venue. I texted back saying I would pick her up. She said sure and texted me her address.

Thursday night, after getting a little lost (missed her street turn off twice!), I picked her up near her house. Strong makeout straight away inside car and can tell IL is very high. We head to the bar and chill watching the band. I kept up kino on legs and shoulders (light touches) and long eye gazes. At 12, it was time to head away. As we're walking down a side street, we're looking at each other and I move in for a kiss. She practically rapes me She's grabbing me all over and being really aggressive in the kissing, any time I try and end the kiss, she leans in for more.

I drove her back to her place and had a fairly intense makeout in the car (tops off). Oddly, she said that she'd prefer if we went to my place. This was odd since we were parked outside her place! I didn't mind the idea of waking up in my own bed so I went along with it. She went inside to get a bag of stuff and we went back to my place. No LMR whatsoever

I hope this positive outcome will show people that a bit of perserverance is good. I could have given up after she sent me the first slightly snotty text.