How to proceed with girl 4 hours away

[DJNiceGuy]

Have a question on how to proceed. I met a girl (25 years old) at a club this past Saturday who was visiting from a city about 4 hours away from where I live. We have some common friends. So we danced/grinded for about 2 hours, and barely exchanged words. I tried asking her a few questions, but either the club was too loud or she was too drunk. So we said our goodbyes, and I did not feel like I was in a position to ask for her number given our lack of talking. But the physical chemistry atleast seemed to be there from the dancing. So I added her on facebook and we exchanged a few messages, and then she added me on googletalk. I thought this was a good indicator of interest. So I went ahead and IMed her with something witty. We talked/flirted a bit. She starting flirting almost immediately, and she ****-tested me a few times, but I think I handled it pretty well. I asked for her number at the end and she gave it.

So this was earlier today. My question is, does it make sense to call her tomorrow? I'm a little hesitant to get online again and talk to her because I don't want to mess it up now that I have her number or be put in the friendzone. She is long distance though. So I want to eventually tell her I'm visiting a friend up in her city and ask if she'd like to get dinner when I come up. Planning on going up there hopefully Thanksgiving weekend or the weekend after. So I want to have a few short phone conversations before suggesting this. I guess the purpose of the phone calls would be to get to know her more, but I don't want to give away too much about myself and end the "mystery". Any thoughts on how to proceed? I messed up another potential LDR a month back by showing too much interest on the phone. In general I can hold a good phone conversation, but I can potentially give too much information if I keep talking.

 

[Juando]

Do you like LDRs?

To me they are non-starters, a way of avoiding putting your time and energy where it can really pay off.

I know that there are couples with established relationships who sometimes make this compromise but why not take a detour if you can?

Given the big picture here, to me you are putting waaay too much consideration into this. What I would do is, if I actually were to find myself on a trajectory to her 'hood, call her. No premeditation or strategizing needed; "Hey, I'm gonna be there....wanna grab a bite?" Then make it clear your time is ticking and bang her. If you like it, let her chase you and maybe you'll squeeze her in, between those other plates...

 

[puma183]

As KontrollerX says, there is no such thing as an LDR, only an imaginary best-friend. Imaginary friends for whom you foresake real opportunities where you live.

I did the LDR thing once (one of the many AFC mistakes I have done in the past). Here is the clincher, 4 months in I got Mono from the b!tch. She never did come clean on how she got it to begin with. Don't do it bro!

 

[Jitterbug]

Don't pursue a LDR but keep in touch and keep that vibe going so that if you happen to visit her city in the future (or vice versa) you'll still be able to have some fun (either with her, or if you go out, you'll have yourself a wingwoman).

 

[Colossus]

You obviously have no other options at this time, otherwise you wouldnt even consider anything long-distance.

If you are actually going to her city to visit YOUR friend, then give her a call and see if she wants to do something. But I get the impression you are going there with the primary purpose of seeing her, and your friend is just a convienient alibi.

Dont call her. Why? Do you like talking on the phone with girls? I dont. IM her here and there to keep contact and maybe you'll meet again in the future. You should be spending your time on multiple women who live near you.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear DJNiceGuy,
Well there's a contradiction in terms,unless you live in a very remote area it does seem a terrible waste of time....Lot of side issues in such a situation,one being that you only get to know each other for the absolute best of activities,as relationship material most unsatisfactory...A couple of my acquaintence,one lived in London,the other in a small Italian Village,for four years they were faithful to each other,seeing each other maybe seven or eight times a year,work that out in Air Fares,then after four years they had a month together,to plan their Nuptials.....Guess What?at the end of this blissful month they never wanted to see each other again.

 

[DJNiceGuy]

Thanks for the advice guys. Yeah I know LDR is not ideal at all. For some reason I'm having a tough time meeting quality local girls. But Scaramouche that is a very good point about not really getting to know the person completely when you can only meet occasionally. You only present the best side of yourselves so you don't really know the person, and most of the time you're just pining for the person which is sad. Though I'll be honest, if I do meet the right person I am open to the idea of moving to give it a shot if I REALLY like the person. But I know this is crazy oneitis to go and move for one girl. But I am getting pretty frustrated not meeting the girls I really want to.

But tonight I have a speed dating event, so I'll see how that pans out.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear DJ,
Waste of time and money,wasn't it?.

 

[DJNiceGuy]

Dear DJ,
Waste of time and money,wasn't it?.

hey Scaramouche, do you meant the Speed dating event? Yeah I'm not expecting too much from that honestly. I haven't yet received the email with my matches. I did ask out of the ordinary questions, so I'm hoping I'll be remembered as that fun fun guy.

As far as the girl who's 4 hours away, I talked to her for an hour the other day on the phone. I know that seems waaay to long, but it seemed to be a good conversation. I brought up the fact that I'll be there for Thanksgiving and she seemed eager to hangout. And she actually picked up when I called! I am so used to playing games, and I don't think any girl before this has ever picked up the first time I called. Good vibes so far...

 

[MoveYourAss...]

Dude, maybe it's just that I'm living in another country or am way older or what, but this:

I am so used to playing games, and I don't think any girl before this has ever picked up the first time I called.

sounds so incredible to me from my own experience that I suggest you have a closer look there. I mean, this happens, sure, but hey, some should be anxious to hear from you, that you really call.

So my advice would be to go on and work on this part of the game.

 

[window]

I would make this girl a friend...instead of trying to pursue her. I wouldn't go out of my to see her. Find a girl in your town. Before you know she'll suddenly find a reason to live in your town.

 

[Knight's Cross]

My term for this girl: GU
Geographically Unsuitable

I know a lady that's 4 hours away. While we are VERY compatible we are TOO far from each other to start a real relationship. So I haven't. Women love to ply the,"Oooohh what if she's your soulmate"? card at this set. I call BS. You are too far apart to make this work. Everytime you get together you'll have to cram your relationship into weekend sized segments. It's not sustainable. You don't get to see the everyday person. Every interaction that you spend together will be "honeymoon" phase. Each person tries to remain on best behavior etc. This commonly leads men to "oneitis"

KC

 

[betterthandead]

DJNiceguy is not thinking with the right head, he'll figure it out weeks or months after wasting time and energy on something that won't happen.

 

[DJNiceGuy]

You guys are absoutely right. I actually tried setting up a meeting with this girl for thanksgiving weekend, but she came up with several excuses and I realized I was chasing something that would most likely not pan out so I didn't go.

I'll do my best to focus on girls that I'm meeting here. I have one new plate that I'm gonna spin from this past Sat. Planning on calling her on Sunday to set something up during the week.