How to proceed? Really don't want to mess this up...

[zzeitgeist]

Hey guys,

So I recently started using a free online dating website to meet girls. I was hesitant to use this website because I have tried PAID sites in the past with terrible results but this one is free and its been great - I have already met 4 girls from this site in under one month(to my surprise).

I've been single for about a year now and unlike most guys on here I am looking for something with some substance, basically I am looking for a potential girlfriend and not just a FB. (not that there is anything wrong with a FB)

So anywho, to get to the point I met up with this girl after some emailing back and forth for about 2 weeks. I actually had her agree to meet up after only 3-4 messages but because of snow storms and her getting sick we didn't meet up till 2 weeks after her agreeing to meet. She let me know she got sick and was really sorry and all this stuff, I just assumed shes trying to flake and sent her a short email back saying:

"No biggie. Just give me a shout when you feel better and we'll figure something out."

4 days later I got a message with the subject:
Sorry for the delay!‏
Hey! So i'm feeling much better now! This weekend is pretty packed for me so far but maybe we can get together next week if you're still interested!? How have you been? How's work?

So anywho back to the story... we ended up meeting up shortly after that at a cactus club lounge. She actually ended up being late by about 10-15 minutes and I got there a tad early because I never been to this specific location and didnt know how long it may take me.

So when she finally showed up she looked amazing, first thing I noticed was that physically she was EXACTLY my type and I am not just saying this because I met her lol - I met two previous girls before her(from this site) and she was definitely my type.

First thing I did was give her a hug when she came and called her out for being late. Told her she lost brownie points with me. (in a light hearted manner). She apologized and we grabbed a table.. waitress came around and and I grabbed an alcoholic drink and she grabbed a water which I found odd... but she immediately went into telling me she just recently got her license suspended because she had 3 glasses of wine and got pulled over right by her house by an off duty cop and was basically not wanting that to happen again.

Meanwhile, we had good eye contact and right of the bat a decent vibe. Right after that story she basically said "So tell me a little bit about yourself"... I teased her a bit and said "What is this? A job interview?" and she apologized and said she doesn't really do the online dating thing - so at this point I basically turned it around on her and asked her if she traveled anywhere and started qualifying her and finding out about her.

We talked about traveling, school, work, our goals and hockey.. I am big on hockey so I started seeing if it was something she liked and she basically went a long with the flow, said she likes hockey, likes going to games but admitted she doesn't know all the names and rules.

So basically we had great conversation with no awkward pauses. I noticed she was wearing rings.. one on each hand so at one point I said can I see your ring. She put out her hand and I basically grabbed it pretending to examine it and be all interested when in reality I just wanted an opportunity for kino, I asked her where she got it and she told me. Right after I kinod her I saw a nice smile on her face and basically a positive reaction.

Eventually the bill came. The waitress didn't split it and so I didn't want to make things complicated and put my card right on the bill. She looked at me and said "You don't have to pay for it all" which I really liked. I just said "Don't worry about it, you can pay for me next time." at which point she said "Okay, so where do you wanna go next time?". At which point I remembered she mentioned skating as one of her interests and since skating is an action date I suggested skating and she went for it. We didn't set a specific date and I didn't push for one because I didn't want to be pushy/needy/desperate looking.

I made the first move to leave and we walked to the parking lot. I give her a little nudge while walking - basically trying to get a tiny bit more kino in, she reacted positively again. Came to check out my car because we parked close to each other(coincidentally) and she used to have the same car as me so she wanted to see it. I opened the door to let her check it out, she complimented that it smelled nice lol... anywho, we stood there in the lot and I contemplated going in for the kiss but ended up just giving her a hug good bye and held in 1 or 2 seconds longer then you would a friendly hug and we left it at that. Right before she walked away she mentioned the skating and I said "sounds good."

Obviously on the surface there is a sh1t load of IOIs here and she seems to be into me so far.

So everything may seem great and it sounds like I have this stuff locked but in all honesty I am a complete noob to the dating game and I am still a complete rookie to escalation and everything else. That being said I need to know how to proceed.

Today was the day after the date and I didn't call or text her yet to set up the next date. I didn't want to come of needy/desperate and I think I did the right thing.

My questions are:
How fast do I contact her after an initial good first date?

Do I contact her and set up the meet right away?

Was skating a good idea for the second date?

I really want to kiss close her next date... Is it smart to try and go for the kiss close second date? (if your going for a girlfriend/relationship thing..)

Kiss her at the end? OR kino and try to slip in a kiss during the date somewhere? Or does it matter?

How to handle rejection if kiss close fails?

Could I have done anything better during first date? Kino ideas? What should be the primary focus for the second date?

Guys I know the above sounds like I am over analyzing this and I should just go with the flow... which I will but I want to be prepared because this girl does fit the description for GF material.

And I already started taking action to avoid oneitis. Very next day(today) I met up with a different girl for coffee and even set up another girl for a lounge meet up for friday. Spinning my plates... or w/e you wanna call it

Sorry for the long post and any responses/advice/feedback is appreciated.

 

[Ollie]

I really don't set a timeline for contacting a girl after a first date. It's really a situational thing. Now if you've established an "online relationship" and talk to her quite a bit, I'd stick with that. There's really no problem calling her the next day though, even though some people may disagree with this. I date a lot, and have never had a girl lose interest because I called quick the next day. Don't use that call to set up the next date though. Imply that you had a lot of fun and all and keep it relatively short. Mystery is key for the first few dates. You want her thinking about you with anticipation and wondering when you'll call next and if you'll ask her out again.

As far as kissing goes, just be natural about it. If the situation arises during the date, go for it. If not, I'd say make sure to kiss her at the end. If I were you, I'd pretend like I'm really rusty with my skating and have her help me. Even fall a few times. That should get you a lot of contact. Honestly though, I think you should have kissed her last time. Women who want to be kissed stall at the end of the date. Like if you walk her home and are standing on her steps and she's fumbling with her keys, she pretty much wants you to kiss her. Same thing with her walking over to look at your car and such. And if she rejects you, no worries. Just blow it off and act like nothing happened.

 

[chinwaggler]

I think you're looking into it a bit too much. It's good that you care, but coming from abundance you wouldn't care as much. However..

Personally I think you should contact them as soon as you feel like it. The longer you leave it, the more they will think you're blowing them off. If they like you and you call them the next day, they will be happy, not think 'Oh he's desperate'.

Secondly, Ice skating was a great idea, you remembered that she liked skating.

Kiss her when you feel you should. Maybe when you're skating, hold eye contact without saying anything and do it?

If it fails, either hold your position, tension will build and she'll kiss you, or say something like 'What are you not good at kissing? I can teach you if you like..' or something funny. Punish her a bit.

First date sounded good. I like it when girls do that with bills / drinks. I think you're doing well and you don't really need much advice. Follow what you feel.

 

[zzeitgeist]

The only time I talked to her through email was to progress to a meet up - with the occasional light conversation. This is pretty common with all online meet ups for me because they won't come out to meet up unless they know your a sane normal person lol.

I was always curious if calling the next day would seem desperate. I guess I've done it twice before (with texts) and both girls lost interest, given the IOIs where never as good as this chick - but thats why I was hesitant.

I am thinking of giving her a call after work. Do some small chat and suggest hanging out on saturday (2 days from now). I think that sounds reasonable...

I know I should of probably kissed her or tried but I pussied out - I just dont have that kind of confidence yet.

Ollie you suggest I don't actually use the call to set up the date? Isn't that basically going to stall progression? Especially since we already agreed to meet up again for skating?... If I don't set up the date with the call then how do I set it up?

Thanks for the help guys.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Came to check out my car because we parked close to each other(coincidentally) and she used to have the same car as me so she wanted to see it. I opened the door to let her check it out, she complimented that it smelled nice lol.


She was asking you to make out in your car. That's what that was.

Now slap your forehead, say "d'oh!!!" and never miss that again.

 

[zzeitgeist]

I am almost 100 percent certain she wasn't there to sit in the car and exchange saliva. I probably could have kissed her but imagine how awkward it would be to ask her to sit inside my parked car. It would of came of as the creepiest thing ever lol.

That being said I guess I still should of went for a kiss close. I am working on getting there to the point where I can do that without thinking about it but I am definitely not there yet(obviously..).

 

[Ollie]

Ummm I have girls sit in my parked all the time. Nothing creepy about it. It's a lot less creepy or awkward than having sex in the parking lot I find.

 

[Ganondorf]

OP what's this free dating site you speak of?

i can't find any. like you said, paid ones often times don't yield good results. i tried it once too, never got anywhere, and wasted money in the process

 

[zzeitgeist]

I started using plentyoffish. Put up some good pics, make sure your in decent shape and your bound to meet girls there.