How to play this one?

[hansol]

Hi guys, just wondering how to play this:

Over the summer, a girl and I had a class together, and long story short, we hit it off big time. Common interests, common upbringing, etc. She had a boyfriend though, and I don't try and mess around with anyone I work/have class with. So we flirted a bunch, finished the class, and went our own way.

Around Christmas time I randomly texted her to see if she wanted to grab a coffee and catch up. So we met up, chatted a bunch, and caught up on things. She mentioned she and her boyfriend weren't doing the best lately, blah blah blah. As we were leaving, I mentioned I had tickets to a hockey game, and she should come. She said she would, and a couple weeks later we went to the game.

Same thing as before, hit it off, flirted, etc. Only this time I mentioned in passing how it was interesting how her boyfriend would be cool with her going to a game with some guy other than him. She laughed it off, but went quiet, and later gave up that yes, her boyfriend wasn't too impressed.

So what I am wondering is how to play this. She is a cool chick, and is LTR material. But I'm not one to sit around and be the back-up plan while she makes up her mind. She has been with her boyfriend for almost 3 years, so I can understand not wanting to "throw it away" for an unknown result. So far I've just played it casual, no ultimatums, no pressure. I'm keeping the mystery up, with an occasional "let's grab lunch" meeting, but I'd like things to escalate.

Anyway guys, let me know how I should play this out. Anyone here know if something like this can end well, or am I just setting myself up to be a guilty pleasure, and she will just run back to the boyfriend?

 

[jophil28]

I have been in the same situation twice when I was about your age .
Both women sent me strong messages that they were not too impressed with their b'fs. I took those negative comments as my green lights.
I then went ahead and acted as if the b/fs didn't exist, and so did the women from then on.

This women is probably sending you positive signals of her availability.
However if you need confirmation ask her out to a night event which would require that she take some time and effort over her appearance..it all needs to feel like you and she are going on a REAL date .
IF she accepts with excitement or even moderate eagerness, she is yours.
IF she makes excuses or hems and haws then she is just using you for fun, entertainment and validation.

 

[Tazman]

One thing you don't want to do is give her the impression that you're in anyway "waiting" for her to drop the boyfriend. Don't bring him up in any conversation, and if she does, ignore it. At the same time, she needs to feel like you're in demand by other women and she's just a friend to hang with when you've got nothing else important

She might be planning a branch swing bu for now she's in AW mode (that is unless things escalate).

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Find at least three other women who are also LTR material (if that is what you are looking for) and start spinning.

 

[Colossus]

Sounds like she is definitely interested. However, consider that if you two do end up getting together you will be the rebound guy. This isnt necessarily a death knell, but it's not the optimum way to enter an LTR. Likely you will be dealing with HIM as well as her own refractory period from that relationship. There is no such thing as a "clean break" from a 3 year LTR.

 

[window]

there are plent of fish in the sea, why bother with a chick who is a branch swinger ?

 

[Slickster]

I think you are on a slippery slope and you might end up stuck in the friendzone if you aren't there already. These are tough situations.

I personally hate women who do this kind of thing when they are still in a relationship. It's really immature and I think you should reel in your LTR qualifications of a girl like this. She'll turn around and screw you over too so her behaviour is a major red flag in my book.

Still if you two are getting along well and you are both being respectful of her situation then there is nothing wrong with building attraction. In my experience when a chick with a bf is really interested in me her status works in my favor. I let them know straight up that I don't mess around with chicks with bf's and proceed to flirt with other girls right in front of them. If she really likes you she'll make up her mind pretty quickly. Having a busy and exciting lifestyle that puts her bf's life to shame will really make you shine.

To make this work, forget about the boyfriend. Don't treat her any differently than any other girl you are interested in. That means don't be too available, be a challenge to her, and make her chase you. If you give off the slightest vibe that you are "waiting" for her you are screwed. You need to give her the impression that you are on the scene, available, and desired by many.

To pull this off you can't be asking her out all the time, having her say no (because the bf thing) and then trying again over and over. Don't give her special treatment this way. Just like any other girl who turns you down, say "Okay talk to you later" and then don't call her again for a while. Next time you speak to her tell her about all the great and fun stuff you've been doing but don't ask her out again until she suggests it.

You might play this game back and forth for a while before she actually ditches the other guy. Even then it will probably be a while before she's "over it" and ready to give herself fully to you. Many times it will turn in to a big dramafest while she's going thru all the breakup emotions etc. Is all this hassle worth it? Probably not. Keep seeing other girls and treat her as an outside shot that "might" materialize some time down the road.