How to play a crazy girl?

[Danimal89]

Hey Guys,


I was hoping to get some advice on what to say when me and my gf break up so she will want me back before too long. We have known each other for over a year as we worked together, she wasn't single when we met but became single shortly after and has since had a secret attraction towards me that I didn't find out about until I was about to leave the place of work and move to another job. But basically we started seeing each other on weekends outside of work and spending time together.

Everything was going great, so great that she got sick of waiting and asked me to be her boyfriend. But after about a month together her interest has started to drift a bit, I suspect this is due to me overplaying the nice boyfriend role a bit too long despite that not even being who I was.

A little about us:
I am a 25 y/o male with;
-a decent job
-decent career prospects
-University education
-Good Body
-Good looks
-Shorter than the average standing at 5'7" or 5'8"
-Sound mental health

She is a 20 y/o female
-Very attractive looks and body
-Very Intelligent
-5'4" or 5'5"
-Nice/Caring
-Daddy Issues
-Model
-Professional Fire Dancer
-Severe Depression/social anxiety/Fibromyalgia
-Constant back/stomach pain
-Took a year off work due to depression
-Very low self esteem


So yeah, I am nothing special and neither is she really when you weigh up her baggage against her looks. But for some weird reason I really like this girl. However, the last two weeks have been rocky with her and her depression (I suspect) but last weekend she came out and said that she wasn't sure if we were compatible long-term and that the spark wasn't there.

Now I can't help but feel that if I had not treated her nicely and treated her like a piece of meat (like all her ex boyfriends) then she would have stayed very interested and into me. Since she has daddy issues, mental problems, and low self esteem she wants/expects to be treated like just a piece of arm candy. Now I can do that but I thought I would have a better chance with her if I differentiated myself from the rest of the guys she has been with and actually treat her nicely. I am the first guy that her parents haven't dissaproved of haha.


But basically my question is this, as I know the breakup is coming and I want to meet her over it. How can I play this to make her think she may have made a mistake and want me back before too long.

I have been thinking of playing it something like this;
-Accept the breakup and let her know I think its a good idea (she will probably not expect that)
-Tell her I couldn't relax and be myself due to her non communicating and how she acts when upset. (Relating to long-term issue and spark)
-Tell her I am not usually that nice, and that I am more of a jerk. (Relating to long-term issue and spark)
-Thank her for the great times and all the help she gave me and that I enjoyed it all (make her think back towards the weeks when she was really into me)

I basically am trying to play the whole 'girls want what they cant have' card. If she isn't sure that I am going to be there for her then she may think twice about breaking up.

All of her ex boyfriends have cheated on her and not really cared for her too much, I suspect that once they get to know her they all don't think of her as wife/long-term material so they just keep her on the side for a while. So with that being said I feel the chance of her thinking of me at a later date can be quite good as I obviously haven't cheated on her or treated her badly.

 

[Danimal89]

Anyone have any thoughts please?

 

[sylvester the cat]

pre-empt the break-up by dumping her and then move on with your life. genuinely.

find another girl who isn't crazy (good luck with that) or someone you don't have to manipulate and exploit to keep them attracted to you.

 

[Danimal89]

pre-empt the break-up by dumping her and then move on with your life. genuinely.

find another girl who isn't crazy (good luck with that) or someone you don't have to manipulate and exploit to keep them attracted to you.

I like damaged/crazy girls for some weird reason. I dont want to give up on this one just yet, I dont want to lose her long terms that why im here trying to get some advice on how to work the whole 'girls want what they cant have card'...

 

[:-)]

im here trying to get some advice on how to work the whole 'girls want what they cant have card'...

The poster above just gave it to you. Lol.

 

[Danimal89]

The poster above just gave it to you. Lol.

What? Pre-emptive break up?

 

[:-)]

What? Pre-emptive break up?

Everything he said. How are you supposed to play the 'girls want what they can't have' card when you're still interested in her? If you want her to want you because she can't have you then dump her and move on.

 

[Danimal89]

Everything he said. How are you supposed to play the 'girls want what they can't have' card when you're still interested in her? If you want her to want you because she can't have you then dump her and move on.

Wouldn't that work better if I meet up with her first and let her know we are competitive and that I wasn't able to be myself hence why the spark wasn't there...? We only saw each other for 2.5 months and been dating for 1.5 months. Only saw her on weekends.

 

[spiegel549]

What? Pre-emptive break up?

Bro one of the most important set of skills of "gaming" is knowing who to weed out of your life. I think all women are crazy but when one is actually CRAZY such as on pills, depression etc. My god just bang her really good and MOVE ON.....SHE IS NOT WORTH THE HEADACHE.

You say you are good looking etc. Why the fuk you wasting time looking for LTR with literally a doctor diagnosed crazy broad lol.

Trust in what we are saying. MOVE ON.

 

[Lotus Effect]

You remind me a lot about myself. Even the age and height of the couple are oddly similar. So I'm going to adress you, as I would've adressed me if I had the chance.

I am very sad to inform you that things don't always work quite the way you want them to Danimal.
This is not the answer you want to hear, as it was the same answer I heard when I first got here!

If you came here looking for advice with a particular girl, you've come to the wrong place borther.
Not only me, but many in here, if not all, will tell you the undeniable truth. This one is a goner!

One thing that is obvious is that you developed a hard case of one itis over you gf. Other thing is that you are trying to play that you know so much you can pull anything off, when in fact you are completely AFCing on this one, and most likely your life.

This card you are trying to play will not work because she already have you and she knows it! And the fact that you are posting online in a forum about it just confirms it. You might try to "play" this, but as you eventually learn, you can't play anything, because the truth always come up. Either you are, or you are not. There is no playing. There is only being.

Anyway. First of all, she is a walking trainwreck. Seriously, the list you've made of her characteristics is nothing but a list of red flags... Caring, daddy issues, Professional F*cking Dancer, depressed, model low self esteem. All that with the attractiveness and inteligence...

She is a huge red flag (Ok, ok! I know you like it! We all do. They are the most fun plus great sex) But sadly, you are not going to "fix" her because:
1) She don't wanna be fixed
2) She can't be fixed

So, those aare reasons enough to guarantee you she is no long term relationship material. Not now, and not ever!

Another point is that you've mentioned ex boyfriends, plural, meaning more than one. She is relativelly young. And a girl that had so many, is already damaged in her mind. It does not matter if you play the nice guy or the jerk. She has found several ways to sabotage herself and her relationships, despite of which cop you are, the good cop, or the bad!

You may be blaming yourself, by not being your true self, or overly nice, but the thing is, it does not matter. Even though I can see there is a lot you have to learn, there is nothing you can about it. She is damaged, even though she may seem to be a functional person, she is emotionally damaged, and the reason it came to this point, is because of that fact. She is the one who ruined it.

You may think I'm a bitter old man. But I'm not. I'm just stating the truth.

Last year I was in the exact same position you are. 25, with a 20 y/o gf that made me lost one thing I also shared with you from your list.

My Sound Mental Health.

This is the kind of girl that will make you loose that one. Believe me!

As a piece of advice, that I know you won't follow, give the break she wants. Better yet, dump her yourself. Say that you are not into this kind of uncertainty, you had a good run, and leave.

This kind of girl will only drive you crazy, up to the point of posting advices about your experience at 5 18 AM, 1 year after the breakup...

Believe me. Leave this while you still have your mental health. I assure you that no girl's affection is better than your sanity!

Welcome to the forum!

PS: Read this >> http://www.sharischreiber.com/anycost.html And the post on my signature about "that one girl"
You will understand A LOT about what is going on!

 

[:-)]

Wouldn't that work better if I meet up with her first and let her know we are competitive and that I wasn't able to be myself hence why the spark wasn't there...? We only saw each other for 2.5 months and been dating for 1.5 months. Only saw her on weekends.

Lol. What? No. That's isn't playing the 'girls can't have what they want' card. That's playing the 'begging and trying to convince a girl not to dump me because I'm so desperate and have no other options' card.

 

[Danimal89]

Lol. What? No. That's isn't playing the 'girls can't have what they want' card. That's playing the 'begging and trying to convince a girl not to dump me because I'm so desperate and have no other options' card.

I wasn't going to do it pathetically. I was going to be straight up and laugh about it, so she sees I am confident about it... make her second guess me.

 

[Danimal89]

Lotus Effect: Thank you for your awesome post, it is really insightful. But I am not trying to fix her or anything. I just want to be with her because I like her for some fked up reason. She liked the normal me (as we used to work together). So I am quite confident it would work if I got a second chance here.

 

[:-)]

I wasn't going to do it pathetically. I was going to be straight up and laugh about it, so she sees I am confident about it... make her second guess me.

You can dress it up any way you want but that is still how she is going to read it - as you being desperate with no other options begging her not to dump you. Girls do not understand logic. They understand actions. A woman talks. A man walks.

 

[Lotus Effect]

As Ive told mate, I knew you wouldn't follow my advice...

The same way I haven't followed anyone's when I got here!

And that is ok. The same way I've learned the hard way, you will eventually. And no, I'm not wishing you anything bad. But things are as they are. Your situation is not unique, and it has happened to all of us in here!

I wish you good luck. I wasted 5 months of 2013 trying to fix a broken thing. My relationship.

It left me hollow and devastated. And worse. Without the girl, my sanity, my self respect, and the respect she once had towards me!

I know you want to believe your situation is different, and salvageable. But it ain't...

It all comes down on how low are you willing to go for a girl. You may convince you that what you are doing is not begging for her to take you back, but deep down you know that is exactly what you are doing.

After you decided you went to your lowest though, there is only one way, which is up!

But as I've said. It takes some time for you to get that kind of "enlightment", and I don't expect to understand any of this now. I know you won't.

As me, you are one of the hard learners, and so you must learn the hard way to fully get the whole picture. Good thing is after you've learned through the hard way, you learned for good!

Anyway, good luck, and keep us posted... I know you will!

Again. Welcome Danimal. Do yourself a favour, and read the sh*t I've told you to!

 

[Danimal89]

Haha yeah you are probably right there lotus, I am an idiot for a interesting crazy girl. But I guess i'll take that chance.

What do you guys think of this break up message

Hey ****, so I was hoping to do this in person. But since you don't want to meet in person I will just have to do it this way. Basically I can't be with someone who wont communicate with me when it's needed, you never let me know whats up with you when your feeling depressed and I always worry and think the worst and it stops me from being myself. And if I cant be myself then there's really no point in continuing this. I was trying to treat you nice the whole time since you told me that your ex's treated you like ****. But that isn't who I am. That insane idiot at work is who I am with a bit more crazy thrown in, and I know you liked that guy... but I can't be that guy when your not letting me in. I also don't think your ready for a relationship.

But don't get me wrong, your an amazing person, in fact to me your almost perfect and I did enjoy spending every minute with you. I wished I could have shown you the real me, I think you would have really like him to be honest haha. But yeah this isnt our time, best of luck in sorting yourself out and don't be a stranger. I hope you'll remember the good times we had. I know you were really happy with me for a little while there.

To AFC? Too nice? Is she going to come back after this?

 

[Lotus Effect]

I'm not judging you mate!

A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!

I've only got where I am right now, because I did a truck load amount of sh*t in order to get her back, so as I've said, I knew you wouldn't follow my advice! Which is 100% ok!

And about the message!

It is to ACF! It is to Nice! And she won't come back after this! Or after any other shenanigans you try to pull!! Do yourself a fovour and go check the NC thread!

Instead of doing this, vanish from the face of the earth. Don't be predictable. At least once. If there is one thing that will leave her wondering "What the f*ck just happened?!" is you vanishing never to be heard again!

And please, for God's sake! *You'RE!, as in you are!!

Peace bro!

 

[Thorninmyside]

And please, for God's sake! *You'RE!, as in you are!!

Peace bro!

And *too* in your same response.. Twice!

 

[Danimal89]

So I broke up with her with a slightly altered message saying that im more independent and assertive than I was with her.

Her Response: I totally understand. I dont do 'nice', I need assertive and independent. I don't understand why you weren't yourself. I didn't let you in for fear of hurting you or myself. Im sorry I wasnt what you were wanting or what you needed but from what you've said (and not said) Im pretty sure this is best for us both.

My response: Then I would have been perfect for you. I was trying to set myself apart from your ex's. Haha you cant hurt me! Yeah i'm sorry...

Her: Pretending to be someone you're not doesn't come across well. But I understand what you were trying to do. Thanks for the company and the laughs. I am definitely too high maintenance and messy for you though.

Me: Yep im not proud of it either but f**k it No you weren't too hard to date... Look after yourself and sort yourself out au revoir

Her: Hmmm blunt but ok. Would be good to get my book back though when your done with it... au revoir then.

Me: Yeah all your s**ts in a bag ready to go. Let me know when you're nearby.

Her: Will do

~End of conversation.

Now to NC for a while... I know I played it like an AFC in the end but oh well, will see what happens I guess...

I know you will all give me cr*p about the way I went about it. But your thoughts on chances of her coming back?

Shes quite complicated and doesn't like people to know shes hurting btw. And since she probably has no other potential suitors, I feel like I have a better chance than normal.

 

[JNil]

Who gives a fvck if she comes back or not. You are not living your life, your trying to live hers.

Lotus had some sound advice man, just look at the way she acted during that breakup. I've been down this road, and so have many of us here.

I had this one chick absolutely ruin the person I was in little under a year. She was a HB10, Best sex I ever had and ever will have. I kept telling myself "I love fvcked up girls". Truth is.. I was in love with the emotional roller-coaster. I knew this women my entire life, but got involved with her after her breakup with the love of her life. She destroyed me mentally and emotionally. So bad to the point I'm still battling a drug addiction to fill the void of her. My life will never be the same. And its MY Fault. Don't repeat the mistakes many of us here made. Move on brother.