How to overcome,fix,solve the superiority complex with women?

[Ronaldo7]

This is truly becoming a very difficult problem to deal with. I really do need help with it because it forms a constant constraint in my interactions with women and others. Mainly women, but i can see others are affected by it too.

Every time i start a conversation with a woman that has not approached me, whether it is at a social gathering, family friend or any other social outing, i constantly minimize anything she says. I don't say it to her, but i start thinking to myself how insignificant her life is to mine. After i set this, my attitude, as i have been told by others, starts to exude the "you're boring me, i'm too good for this"attitude.

Once people get to know me, they have a good image/impression of me. However, if they simply have a non business-related interaction with me, they will not have a positive image of me. I have tried to start doing things for others with nothing in it for me as i gathered this was something to do to start simmering down the complex. Since my problem is mostly with women, i tried holding a door open, helping her get out of the car, etc.

Any other suggestions or ideas?


* This time i am willing to listen.

 

[narcissist]

Hmm. You seem to be very similar to myself.

You seem to express this dichotomy between altruism and narcissism.

At your deepest core you believe you are too good for people, and your presence is of superiority, and therefore you tend to put down in your mind what others say because you believe that they are being privileged with your presence.

Typical narcissistic tendency.

But at the other end of the spectrum you want to appear to exude a paragon of benevolence and generosity. But i believe this is because you are getting negative social cues from people whom you share relationships with when you let your narcissistic tendencies exteriorize. This inhibits you to feel an air of rejection from those close to you, which is unbearable for a narcissist. You make up for this with this contrasting notion that you want to be good and well-intentioned in order to get more positive emotions from others.

Its narcissistic personality disorder. I have it.

Now don't take what I say seriously. Lol. I am by no means a psychiatrist even though I am in mental health studies. If you seriously think that your behaviour is maladaptive, then talk to a psychiatrist or do some more research. SoSuave is not the best place for diagnoses or help on inner mental issues.

 

[skinnyguy]

I'm the opposite. I have an inferiority complex. I always think about how much better other people have it. I wish I were a narcissist - I'd be much happier and would probably be more successful.

You should use this to your advantage. Most women love a-holes, so if you act this way around HB 9's you will probably clean up since they are used to betas who agree with everything they say.

 

[El Payaso]

See a shrink.

 

[Ronaldo7]

Hmm. You seem to be very similar to myself.

You seem to express this dichotomy between altruism and narcissism.

At your deepest core you believe you are too good for people, and your presence is of superiority, and therefore you tend to put down in your mind what others say because you believe that they are being privileged with your presence.

Hm. That's not something good to have, but you are right. I keep getting told to open myself and try new things, ideas, meet new people, let loose, etc. I'll make the effort to do so, especially if it involves women, but i always find myself shifting back to the starting position.

Typical narcissistic tendency.

But at the other end of the spectrum you want to appear to exude a paragon of benevolence and generosity. But i believe this is because you are getting negative social cues from people whom you share relationships with when you let your narcissistic tendencies exteriorize. This inhibits you to feel an air of rejection from those close to you, which is unbearable for a narcissist. You make up for this with this contrasting notion that you want to be good and well-intentioned in order to get more positive emotions from others.

This. Precisely. I really tried every other possible direction to assess the problem. I thought at first it was my looks. It wasn't. I got a new haircut and went berserk in the gym. I even went to a modeling agency and i got told that i could model underwear. I realized that there was no way it could be looks. I then thought about my conversation skills. That couldn't be it. I'm eloquent and can carry a conversation with anyone. I slowly started to gather that it was me. My personality. That presents a problem with people i go out with. And with my future career. I have tried to start doing good deeds to try to remedy this problem because it is really out of control.

Its narcissistic personality disorder. I have it.

Now don't take what I say seriously. Lol. I am by no means a psychiatrist even though I am in mental health studies. If you seriously think that your behaviour is maladaptive, then talk to a psychiatrist or do some more research. SoSuave is not the best place for diagnoses or help on inner mental issues.

I was seeking help with women in specific. I am giving some information first to give others the tools to give a better opinion.

@Skinnyguy: Lol. I've been told that i'm too unapproachable and these girls would probably face their match. I would be the "hot girl" and she would be the "beta".

 

[Serenity]

I struggled for a long time resolving the superiority/inferiority complex, but remained dead set on resolving it on my own. You obviously find your own superiority complex to be a problem, which means that you yourself see that it's somehow wrong. If you can determine what's wrong it then makes sense that you know what's right, following what's right is your solution. This might not be easy at first, but changing any habit isn't easy.

The way I resolved it was to take into consideration how I would like being given my own attitude, and as I reflected on it I concluded that in the long run it won't be in anyone's best interest. I would miss opportunities and be responsible for making others feel bad.

You might have to go the trail and error route like me. Identify a specific part of the problem, hypothesize a better way of handling it, take a risk for the sake of experimentation and evaluate the results in the context of previous results. Then repeat the cycle, this is how improvement works. Alter your beliefs according to what works and what doesn't.

In the end you're still responsible for making it happen, and only you can give your own solutions based on what you've learned.

 

[Ronaldo7]

I struggled for a long time resolving the superiority/inferiority complex, but remained dead set on resolving it on my own. You obviously find your own superiority complex to be a problem, which means that you yourself see that it's somehow wrong. If you can determine what's wrong it then makes sense that you know what's right, following what's right is your solution. This might not be easy at first, but changing any habit isn't easy.

The way I resolved it was to take into consideration how I would like being given my own attitude, and as I reflected on it I concluded that in the long run it won't be in anyone's best interest. I would miss opportunities and be responsible for making others feel bad.

You might have to go the trail and error route like me. Identify a specific part of the problem, hypothesize a better way of handling it, take a risk for the sake of experimentation and evaluate the results in the context of previous results. Then repeat the cycle, this is how improvement works. Alter your beliefs according to what works and what doesn't.

In the end you're still responsible for making it happen, and only you can give your own solutions based on what you've learned.

Hm. So i guess doing good deeds will help in some way. How did you attain doing these naturally? They still feel so awkward to me. I feel like a fake. How do have some empathy with women doing these things?

 

[Serenity]

How I attained doing it naturally is to understand myself and human nature. If you can accept that everything is constantly changing (which can easily be seen) then you open up the possibilities, you can just change your personality and opinions. Resisting it will only limit you.

Empathy with women is easy when you know your own emotions and understand how emotions affects pretty much everything we do. The common maturing pattern in humans moves on a spectrum of caring about yourself towards caring about others. When you have a personal issue you can't progress. So understand yourself and just be creative with your solutions, they can be improved with time.

 

[Ronaldo7]

How I attained doing it naturally is to understand myself and human nature. If you can accept that everything is constantly changing (which can easily be seen) then you open up the possibilities, you can just change your personality and opinions. Resisting it will only limit you.

Empathy with women is easy when you know your own emotions and understand how emotions affects pretty much everything we do. The common maturing pattern in humans moves on a spectrum of caring about yourself towards caring about others. When you have a personal issue you can't progress. So understand yourself and just be creative with your solutions, they can be improved with time.

Isn't changing your personality being a chameleon? Aren't you supposed to be the same throughout?

Hm. That's actually sound advice. I guess non-verbal communication does play a significant role. I'm one to never delve into my emotions or the outcome of my doings. I'll have to come out of comfort zone and be willing to change my whole scheme to try out these solutions. It will improve with time.

 

[Serenity]

Isn't changing your personality being a chameleon? Aren't you supposed to be the same throughout?

Hm. That's actually sound advice. I guess non-verbal communication does play a significant role. I'm one to never delve into my emotions or the outcome of my doings. I'll have to come out of comfort zone and be willing to change my whole scheme to try out these solutions. It will improve with time.

If you never change then how can you prevent making the same mistakes over and over? You sense that your superiority complex is a problem, do you see any other option than simply changing it? Is the advice on this site not meant for us to change for the better? A chameleon has a massive advantage in adapting to it's surroundings, and it's readily recognized in psychology that adaption is a strength.

If you think you're supposed to be the same throughout you can't really develop and get anywhere in life. Are you exactly the same person now as you were 5 or 10 years ago? Does your own experience dictate that people don't change?

Many people and especially women easily recognize inconsistency between words and actions, and you'll be perceived negatively and possibly fake. This is because if you say one thing and feel differently your emotions will be expressed subconsciously in your behavioral attitude. So this gives you 2 choices, either you discipline yourself to change your beliefs and behaviors or you express what you honestly feel. The first option might require extensive reasoning to convince and reassure yourself to feel good about a different course of action. No matter what route you choose you learn, because the first approach addresses the problem directly and the second is so painful that you're left with no other choice than to do the first approach.

Life is a twisted experience, and that makes it worthwhile for me.

 

[Ronaldo7]

If you never change then how can you prevent making the same mistakes over and over? You sense that your superiority complex is a problem, do you see any other option than simply changing it? Is the advice on this site not meant for us to change for the better? A chameleon has a massive advantage in adapting to it's surroundings, and it's readily recognized in psychology that adaption is a strength.

If you think you're supposed to be the same throughout you can't really develop and get anywhere in life. Are you exactly the same person now as you were 5 or 10 years ago? Does your own experience dictate that people don't change?

Many people and especially women easily recognize inconsistency between words and actions, and you'll be perceived negatively and possibly fake. This is because if you say one thing and feel differently your emotions will be expressed subconsciously in your behavioral attitude. So this gives you 2 choices, either you discipline yourself to change your beliefs and behaviors or you express what you honestly feel. The first option might require extensive reasoning to convince and reassure yourself to feel good about a different course of action. No matter what route you choose you learn, because the first approach addresses the problem directly and the second is so painful that you're left with no other choice than to do the first approach.

Life is a twisted experience, and that makes it worthwhile for me.

I really need to analyze why i want to change. I'm not someone who goes out a lot and maybe the atmosphere is different to who i am and it overwhelmed me. There are certain things that become ingrained into who we are. The way you walk may be different from the way i walk and that's just you. I guess controlling my emotions, attitude, gestures and subconscious will be it. Not eliminate them but hide them. Strike when the time is right.