how to overcome an insecurity?

[espanish]

I think a lot of guys (including me) would be more successful in their romantic lives if they could get rid of certain insecurities.

A lot of approach anxiety comes from insecurities. For example, let's say you are insecure about your eyebrows. When a girl rejects you, you start feeling terrible and thinking "noooo, why did she treat me that way? is it because of my eyebrows?"

I am insecure with respect to certain things and not insecure with respect to other things.

I am not insecure with respect to my intelligence because ever since first grade I've had teachers tell me over and over again how smart I am. so any time someone calls me dumb, stupid, or questions my level of intelligence, it doesn't bother me. it doesn't even register in my mind, it goes in one ear and out the other. But I have a colleague who has been told "you are dumb" "you can't do this" "you can't understand" so many times since the first grade. Now even though he is in his 40s he still has insecurities regarding his intelligence. He is so insecure that if you call him dumb, he gets angry. The other day he did something with google maps and told me "see, I am not dumb" I felt so bad that his childhood is still affecting him.

so the question is, how can I identify and overcome my insecurities? to identify them I think would be pretty easy, I just talk to a girl and if she rejects me I notice what I am thinking and that's my insecurity. so for example, if I start thinking "is it because I am short?" height is my insecurity. "is it because I am not desireable?" being desireable is my insecurity. (by the way, this is something that comes to my head a lot when a girl rejects me). I just wish I was so secure that when a girl rejected me, it wouldn't even register in my mind.

so how to overcome an insecurity that you have?

 

[gettinit]

Other than doing everything you can to improve yourself (this may include getting in shape, refreshing your wardrobe, getting a new haircut style, focusing your time on you and your interests so you have topics to talk about), I think that this can really be an individual journey. If you think that you have issues with your eyebrows, next time you get a hair cut, ask an opinion and maybe the next time as well. Try and solve what you can so you at least know you have done your best in those areas.

Beyond that, I can only comment on what worked for me. Just dive in and start conversations. Some will ignore you, some will be rude, some will be receptive to conversation, but nothing more and eventually, you won't really care anymore what comes of it. As far as each individual insecurity, everyone has at least some, although many on here would never admit it.

How about asking why you got rejected. I never did this, but am wondering if anyone else has. I'm going to start another thread since I don't want to hijack yours.

Hopefully, you will get some better advice on this thread than I could provide.