How to motivate wife to shed some lbs?

Djatm

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I've been on a self improvement mission for about 18 months and the results are obvious.
But my theory of setting the example for health and fitness has not had any effect on my wife who is still 40-50lbs heavier than when we met.
My improvements have her wanting more sex and being more feminine and submissive - but I'm just not that attracted to her physically.
If there was no children or threat of divorce rape I would leave but I have hope to make it work.
Telling her she is a land whale that I cant f**k without beer goggles is obviously the wrong approach, so what is a better idea?
 
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sosousage

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**** other ladies.no better way. femoids are attracted to powerful men who can leave them , who have lot of women, and who cheat on their gfs
 

Djatm

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**** other ladies.no better way. femoids are attracted to powerful men who can leave them , who have lot of women, and who cheat on their gfs
I have been laying the dread on thick and she knows I have options. I don't want to cheat though.
 

Augustus_McCrae

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I've been on a self improvement mission for about 18 months and the results are obvious.
But my theory of setting the example for health and fitness has not had any effect on my wife who is still 40-50lbs heavier than when we met.
My improvements have her wanting more sex and being more feminine and submissive - but I'm just not that attracted to her physically.
If there was no children or threat of divorce rape I would leave but I have hope to make it work.
Telling her she is a land whale that I cant f**k without beer goggles is obviously the wrong approach, so what is a better idea?
“ Telling her she is a land whale that I can’t f**k without beer goggles...”. LMAO! Dude, that is some funny sh*t..

But seriously, I like em thick. Is she pretty? If so, send her my way...

Ok, I kid, I kid. If she doesn’t respond to dread and knowing that you have options, it might be a lost cause.

Does she know that her weight gain has killed your sex drive for her?

-Augustus-
 

lamath

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Dread game not working because she knows its not in you to go ahead with it?

I had same problem with my ex, i was not able to make her change her ways.
Even after i left her, she never even tried to lose weight, now she is at the bottom of the smp
 
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Alvafe

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did you try to invite her to go with you to the gym? did you try to make some action dates like hikking, bikes and such?

example failed because she though you did all that for her, you need to invite her, or the very least talk to her and tell her she need to lose weight, for her health, its bad she is that fat
 

speed dawg

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did you try to invite her to go with you to the gym? did you try to make some action dates like hikking, bikes and such?

example failed because she though you did all that for her, you need to invite her, or the very least talk to her and tell her she need to lose weight, for her health, its bad she is that fat
This is the only way. If this doesn't work, nothing will.

Fat, lazy people are just fat, lazy people. You won't change them. Not even competition anxiety will change them. If you left her, she might get depressed and stop eating for a while and drop weight by proxy, but she won't do it on her own.

Good luck.
 

stovepipe

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Where your balls at man? Stop having sex with her! When she asks whats wrong, tell her the truth! Isn't being open, honest and transparent part of marriage? Or go sleep with other women to save yourself a lot of frustration. You cannot expect her to join you nor can you change her. Once you get to the point in a marriage where you're trying to change your partner, it's usually a sign you're holding on to something not worth holding on to anymore no matter how much you love them. By you sleeping with the whale you're giving her validation that her weight isn't an issue. Can't tell you how many times I've seen this happen to couples I've known over the years.

In many cases 1 person in the marriage will start an awesome life changing transformation. If it's the man, he'll get frustrated that is wife wont join him as he's lost attraction to her and its his way of trying to get her down in size to make her appealing to him, while also improving himself. He will try so many ways to get her to lose weight, but won't be man enough to tell her his true agenda due to fear getting the best of him.

When the women does it, a lot of times it's due to her planning her exit from the marriage that you don't see coming. She's working her butt off in the gym to raise her SMV so when she leaves your a$$ she's ready for the market with a new body and a fresh mind. Checking out all the hot dudes in the gym to help motivate her knowing she can have her pick soon.

She might try to get you to join her but could truly careless if you do. Some women simply dont give af about their fat ass or their health cause they know if you leave them a flock of beta's will line up to ride that whale into the sunset even if she has baby whales by her side.


Edit: I left out an important little story. This same exact situation happened to some good friends of mine. The wife wasn't really overweight say maybe 20lbs, her husband was around 30lbs ow. She started working out hardcore, waking up in the am to lift weights at the gym. She tried getting her husband to live a healthier life with her. While he did for a very short time, he got tired of doing it so he stopped.

She kept going and once she got her body to where she wanted it, she left him. They have 2 kids and numerous real estate properties. She didn't give a single fuk. You have to be selfish in this life no matter if you're single or married with kids. Just an example showing how fear and not being selfish holds you back from living the life you really want. You don't think if the tables were turned your wife wouldn't think twice about leaving you?
 
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In2theGame

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I have been laying the dread on thick and she knows I have options. I don't want to cheat though.
Then the only way to do it is to tell her straight out how you feel. You don't have to be a d*ck about it and say something like "You're getting fat and I'm disgusted by it" That is being a pure douche-bag but overall you should let your thoughts/feelings known so that she clearly understands where you're coming from. If you don't say anything then all you'll be doing is suppress these inner feelings that will keep on building and building until you snap. Tell her you want her to get in better shape for better sex and of course the health reasons. If she gets mad and throws a fit towards you. You simply ask her "Do you want me to lie? or tell you the truth?"
 

oldmanofthesea

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A core philosophy of the brainwashing we have received is that a woman's body shape, size, and appearance should have NO impact on our attraction to them, and that we men should be attracted to their personality only. Going along with that is the rule that you may NEVER say anything about your dissatisfaction with a woman's body. That has been so ingrained that most of us don't dare say anything..... We know instinctively the fury we would unleash if we do, and we also know how she will go and talk to her girlfriends who will all tell her we are an a-hole and that we don't deserve her. In this case, women are actually brainwashed too.... Brainwashed to be entitled to feel this way. Yet if a guy gets fat, it's ok for them to say something to us.

Personally, I've had really bad experience with this. I tried to beat around the bush on this subject with my (now ex) wife. She would make comments about her gaining weight and I'd nicely tell her that I'd be happy to help her out by planning a diet together and exercise together etc but that did NOT go over well. Of course, what she truly desired in bringing up her weight to me was for me to respond saying, "Nonsense dear! You look amazing! I can't tell you have gained any weight. And even if you did, even if you got to 300lbs, i'd still stay with you and be attracted to you for the person you are." Women SERIOUSLY feel entitled to this! No joke.

But just thinking logically, I feel it would not be fair to her not to give her a chance. So just dumping her wouldn't be fair. I would politely tell her that her weight gain is affecting your libido and desire. You can offer to help her out (as I did my ex). How she responds to that is ON HER. The important thing is you communicated your desire. From there, you must either decide for yourself whether to stay or go. Just know she may likely lash out and paint you as a villain to everyone she knows.... Be prepared for this. But just because that happens doesn't mean you did something wrong, even if the women deeply believe you did and are totally convinced of it.
 
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Kotaix

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How likely is she to turn into a bag of loose skin if she were to lose the weight? This might be a huge reason for her not to want to lose any weight. Does she have stretch marks on her biceps or legs already? If she can't get over that hangup, she will never try to lose the weight.

When I met my ex I expected her to lose some weight, but she never wanted to commit to it because if the weight came off her skin would just sag with not much recourse to fix it other than surgery. Nowdays she's so fat I almost didnt recognize her when I saw a picture of her on facebook the other day. I know she'll never lose the weight.
 

stovepipe

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How likely is she to turn into a bag of loose skin if she were to lose the weight? This might be a huge reason for her not to want to lose any weight. Does she have stretch marks on her biceps or legs already? If she can't get over that hangup, she will never try to lose the weight.

When I met my ex I expected her to lose some weight, but she never wanted to commit to it because if the weight came off her skin would just sag with not much recourse to fix it other than surgery. Nowdays she's so fat I almost didnt recognize her when I saw a picture of her on facebook the other day. I know she'll never lose the weight.
40-50lbs really isn't really in the threshold to get a ton of loose skin if any. That is unless she's a midget. The type of skin also plays a roll. Some people are blessed with super tight skin while others are cursed with naturally loose flabby skin. Lastly is the type of body she has like an endomorph or mesomorph and where on the body the fat tends to store.

I read an article of a women who's belly looked like a wrinkled nut sack after pregnancy. The husband offered to pay for plastic surgery cause he couldn't get sexually aroused as a result. He was open to her about it but she refused to get the surgery so he left her shortly after.
 

RickTheToad

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I've been on a self improvement mission for about 18 months and the results are obvious.
But my theory of setting the example for health and fitness has not had any effect on my wife who is still 40-50lbs heavier than when we met.
My improvements have her wanting more sex and being more feminine and submissive - but I'm just not that attracted to her physically.
If there was no children or threat of divorce rape I would leave but I have hope to make it work.
Telling her she is a land whale that I cant f**k without beer goggles is obviously the wrong approach, so what is a better idea?
You need to be the example. If she wants to stay with you, she'll get in line. Go through the pantry and kitchen with her there and throw out all garbage. If either of you need or want sweets, no problem. Nature has these items available... It's called fruit. You can also make some amazing ice cream, cookies and other things w/o high carbs (almond flour, coconut flour, arrow root flour) and monk fruit or stevia (a mix of the two is best).

A person loses weight more by what they put in their mouth then exercising. Yes, exercising helps a lot, but just slowly modifying a persons diet and limiting breads, sugars and high empty carbs can do wonders.
 

Djatm

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Thanks guys, some good advice.
I will use health as the gentle way to raise the subject and then include the possibility of more bedroom action as one of the benefits.
I did stop f**king her for 6-8 weeks at a time but it had no effect.
I built my own gym at home as the nearest gym is an hour drive, she commented that lifting weights looks boring so I doubt she will want to do it too. Diet will have to be the way to get her lbs off.
I've been dropping hints that i dont find big women attractive but it looks like I'll have to take a more direct but respectful approach.
Cheers!
 

mrgoodstuff

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How likely is she to turn into a bag of loose skin if she were to lose the weight? This might be a huge reason for her not to want to lose any weight. Does she have stretch marks on her biceps or legs already? If she can't get over that hangup, she will never try to lose the weight.

When I met my ex I expected her to lose some weight, but she never wanted to commit to it because if the weight came off her skin would just sag with not much recourse to fix it other than surgery. Nowdays she's so fat I almost didnt recognize her when I saw a picture of her on facebook the other day. I know she'll never lose the weight.
30-50lbs lost aint gonna be loose skin. A few hundred, maybe..
 
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DEEZEDBRAH

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Telling her she is a land whale that I cant f**k without beer goggles is obviously the wrong approach, so what is a better idea?
Turn back time, downgrade to booty call or plate, and never marry.

Marriage equates to bulking season *****. I lay down the law. I don't **** fatties. If she is bulking, I next her.
 

stovepipe

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30-50lbs lost aint gonna be loose skin. A few hundred, maybe..
A few hundred, maybe? You obviously have no idea what you're taking about.
 

mrgoodstuff

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A few hundred, maybe? You obviously have no idea what you're taking about.
I kinda have first and second hand experience bro. People lose 30-50lb all the time. Theres not loose skin. 100lb on a tall man wont be alot of loose skin. Over a hundred i have only second hand experience and its those that was like 150+ lb over that have loose skin.
 

stovepipe

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I kinda have first and second hand experience bro. People lose 30-50lb all the time. Theres not loose skin. 100lb on a tall man wont be alot of loose skin. Over a hundred i have only second hand experience and its those that was like 150+ lb over that have loose skin.
Not trying to be an a$$hole. Now you're contradicting what you previously said "A few hundred, maybe" to now "150lbs+" which is half what you just said. Your wording now is all over the place. We're also talking about women, not men.

Yes, there can be loose skin loosing 50lbs whether it be a women or men but it's less common in men at that amount of weight lost. I have a lot of experience on this topic.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Not trying to be an a$$hole. Now you're contradicting what you previously said "A few hundred, maybe" to now "150lbs+" which is half what you just said. Your wording now is all over the place. We're also talking about women, not men.

Yes, there can be loose skin loosing 50lbs whether it be a women or men but it's less common in men at that amount of weight lost. I have a lot of experience on this topic.
Obviously politically wording and statements can be picked apart. When i said a couple hundred i meant something over 100 lbs. All i was trying to convey is most people use loose skin as an excuse. Because most people will not have loose skin.
 
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