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How to mold a woman into a good wife

Haakon Hårfagre

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Hello everyone,

I am a 26 year old currently finishing his studies. I have a girlfriend who come from a different country than I, and we have a daughter of 1 1/2 years old. I should also add that she is 4 years older than I. My girlfriend comes from a christian family and she has sound family values as a concept, but doesn't know how to act fittingly with those ideals. In many ways she is this odd hybrid of traditional romantic views on how the sexes and family she be organized, but then mixed with ideas about the liberated modern woman who should always have her voice heard and felt, and should never allow a man to explain or tell her what to do.

I've been trying to explain by every possible way that she has to chose either to be a modern free woman of whom I can expect the same behaviour as one would of a man or a feminine traditional woman. And, she does learn but incredibly slowly, and it costs a lot on our relationship. I feels like I am the lead dog in the sled pack. She will follow me for a bit and then out of nowhere she will jump for my throat, and then I have to repeat the exercise of beating her down into submission (metaphorically of course). It isn't as if I am asking for a lot. I want her not to use foul language, not interrupting (too much, she is Spanish), not raising her voice at me and definitely not screaming at me and especially not in front of our baby. I want her to spend her sparetime productively, not only watching crap on Netflix or watching photos of clothes and haircuts on her phone. She is a language teacher for christ's sake and it is as if she doesn't have any intellectual interest or curiosity what so ever.

So, guys any words of advice?

Best,

Haakon
 

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Georgepithyou

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Nothing about her sounds Christian, first sex before marriage is a Sin, secondly she had a child out of wedlock and lastly

Ephesians 5:22

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

She sounds more like a cultural Christian that picks and chooses what to believe in as long as it suits her
 

Haakon Hårfagre

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True, true
Nothing about her sounds Christian, first sex before marriage is a Sin, secondly she had a child out of wedlock and lastly

Ephesians 5:22

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

She sounds more like a cultural Christian that picks and chooses what to believe in as long as it suits her
 

wifehunter

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It's not your job. Walk away.
 
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Atom Smasher

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Women absolutely cannot be reasoned with. They understand one thing only: Removal of attention. That is our nuclear weapon.

Don’t be afraid to turn your back on her. Whenever she misbehaves, you should avoid a lengthy discussion (for you cannot win) and instead condition her to feel the pain of rejection when she misbehave.

Dealing with women involves conditioning them, mostly non-verbally. In so doing you are bypassing her irrational filtering of your words and directly accessing her fear and dread and her realization of consequences.

Never forget that by-and-large, women cannot be reasoned with. Use the power of subtle removal of attention WITHOUT words. She will understand.
 

Baibars

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She can say whatever she wants about herself, always watch her actions, not her words.

And dont argue with her or dont try to convince her from anything. You shouldnt be in the situation that you both are on the same level.
Focus on yourself ( if youre not already doing it ). Youre the driver in your live and she sits on the backseat. She should be the passenger.
If thats not the case, she will make problems. I cant predict how big problems she would make. Thats up to the person.

Except everything from her. I dont know for how long you know each other but women can be icecold. They dont give a **** how long you know each other, what you both been through. So think twice about it if you want another child with her.

Dont think like: I have a family with her, we have a warm nest. She shouldnt behave like this.
Dont think based on all this christian values/morals. I mean dont throw your values away. But dont expect from a woman that she will always act based upon them just because she tells you she was raised religious.
They are emotional creatures. I would recommend you a video from CRP on youtube where talks about women having no morals.

You must always perform. Dont worry so much what she does. You can never fully control her behaviour.
 
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Haakon Hårfagre

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Women absolutely cannot be reasoned with. They understand one thing only: Removal of attention. That is our nuclear weapon.

Don’t be afraid to turn your back on her. Whenever she misbehaves, you should avoid a lengthy discussion (for you cannot win) and instead condition her to feel the pain of rejection when she misbehave.

Dealing with women involves conditioning them, mostly non-verbally. In so doing you are bypassing her irrational filtering of your words and directly accessing her fear and dread and her realization of consequences.

Never forget that by-and-large, women cannot be reasoned with. Use the power of subtle removal of attention WITHOUT words. She will understand.
It is more or less the same line of attack I am following; every time she puts on an annoying tone or raises her voice and so forth I arrest her, escalating as far as she wants to escalate things (this is her way of emotionally blackmailing me to back of). I think however if I just stop giving her my attention it wouldn't bother her very much, she would just spend more time with our daughter or go to the house of her parents where all her family meet up 24/7 (we live in the same street as her parents).
 

2Rocky

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You better make a decision one way or another...

I think you run the risk of your child's mother feeling resentful and unappreciated since she "gave up" her body and career to be a mother to your child. If you want her to dedicate herself to being a devoted wife and mother then you need to make that fulfilling for her. Positive reinforcement and praise are really the only tools you have to do that. Unfortunately she sounds form your description to enjoy the drama of arguments and you have to decide if that is the way you want to live your life. If not, then you need to get out of that relationship, get 50/50 custody of your daughter and spend the next 16 years paying your child's mother for the privilege of being apart and being a separate role model for your daughter. The middle ground is a life of quiet desperation and loud drama. You choose.

You will not successfully exert your will through force ....
 
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bcude

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This is why you choose a woman of 'good stock' before you marry and make her your baby mama after a long vetting period so you know exactly who you're dealing with before you decide to lose your position of power, ideally after you're done with studies so you're able to support your child. The responsible thing to do. But i get it, life happens and you're in this situation right now so how to proceed from here.
You set your frame in the beginning of the relationship and keep it throughout, it's not easy to have a child and then try to mold her into a good wife, when she's already got more power over you because of the child and your ability to walk away lessens which she's very well aware of by loosening up and caring less.
It's like signing a multi-million contract for a club and after you've played for them for a while they decide to change the terms by putting more demands on you. You wont oblige, because why would you? You've already signed the contract.
You will only accept the new demands if you see the value in it, meaning...

Always keep your self-respect, remove your attention to condition her, use praise instead of critique and never stop working on yourself. Set a good example by being a man on his path and purpose, who's in shape and stands up for himself to a point where it's obvious your SMV is higher than hers. If she doesn't submit to your leadership after seeing that and dread losing you, you either leave or deal with the headache and feel miserable for years to come.

From what i've heard Spain is a feminist hotspot nowadays.

Btw, love your name!
 

mrgoodstuff

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This is why you choose a woman of 'good stock' before you marry and make her your baby mama after a long vetting period so you know exactly who you're dealing with before you decide to lose your position of power, ideally after you're done with studies so you're able to support your child. The responsible thing to do. But i get it, life happens and you're in this situation right now so how to proceed from here.
You set your frame in the beginning of the relationship and keep it throughout, it's not easy to have a child and then try to mold her into a good wife, when she's already got more power over you because of the child and your ability to walk away lessens which she's very well aware of by loosening up and caring less.
It's like signing a multi-million contract for a club and after you've played for them for a while they decide to change the terms by putting more demands on you. You wont oblige, because why would you? You've already signed the contract.
You will only accept the new demands if you see the value in it, meaning...

Always keep your self-respect, remove your attention to condition her, use praise instead of critique and never stop working on yourself. Set a good example by being a man on his path and purpose, who's in shape and stands up for himself to a point where it's obvious your SMV is higher than hers. If she doesn't submit to your leadership after seeing that and dread losing you, you either leave or deal with the headache and feel miserable for years to come.

From what i've heard Spain is a feminist hotspot nowadays.

Btw, love your name!
Spain got their locals cvcked?
 
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Hello everyone,

I am a 26 year old currently finishing his studies. I have a girlfriend who come from a different country than I, and we have a daughter of 1 1/2 years old. I should also add that she is 4 years older than I. My girlfriend comes from a christian family and she has sound family values as a concept, but doesn't know how to act fittingly with those ideals. In many ways she is this odd hybrid of traditional romantic views on how the sexes and family she be organized, but then mixed with ideas about the liberated modern woman who should always have her voice heard and felt, and should never allow a man to explain or tell her what to do.

I've been trying to explain by every possible way that she has to chose either to be a modern free woman of whom I can expect the same behaviour as one would of a man or a feminine traditional woman. And, she does learn but incredibly slowly, and it costs a lot on our relationship. I feels like I am the lead dog in the sled pack. She will follow me for a bit and then out of nowhere she will jump for my throat, and then I have to repeat the exercise of beating her down into submission (metaphorically of course). It isn't as if I am asking for a lot. I want her not to use foul language, not interrupting (too much, she is Spanish), not raising her voice at me and definitely not screaming at me and especially not in front of our baby. I want her to spend her sparetime productively, not only watching crap on Netflix or watching photos of clothes and haircuts on her phone. She is a language teacher for christ's sake and it is as if she doesn't have any intellectual interest or curiosity what so ever.

So, guys any words of advice?

Best,

Haakon

Super interesting situation here bud,

A few things I noted:

1) she's 30+ and has a kid. This will influence her biology and in a similar way effect her psychology. Part of her mind is probably thinking about motherhood/caring/etc part of her is thinking youth/freedom/enjoyment. However, she is getting older cuz ya know... time. If she wants to have fun and be free shes gotta do it now. cuz shes only got a few more opportunities to have kids. its either fun and freedom now or soon or never.

2) You do have a strong philosophical point here in the sense that you can't both be liberated and subservient. I don't think it's even possible, beyond say maybe exploring it topically, to make her make that choice. But a person cannot be both a master and a slave. In short, she does have to make a choice but the choice she makes is not up to you. And to not make a choice is also a choice. So good luck with the whole free-will problem haha.

3) You at some level are only causally responsible for YOUR ACTIONS if even that. I totally understand you feeling conflicted given the situation with your daughter. The most immediate solution is for you to figure out what you want and then bring it up honestly with your woman. Im assuming your not married to her since you said girlfriend not wife. so that helps since your moderately less likely to get ****ed by a divorce. You have to figure out what you want with the girlfriend and with your daughter and with the girlfriends family.

4) I personally am in the total opposite situation from you. I have no kids, and no interest in traditional family values or christianity ( lol. ) so to me it's a little odd that you havnt addressed your preferences. Im not saying you have to be like me. but not knowing what you want and living according to that is a sucker move and your gonna lose if you do that long term.

I hope you can figure this out on the personal and interpersonal level bud. I know its not easy.

Cheers
 
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