How to make her appreciate me more

[InNeedOfAdvice]

Hi guys, I've came here for some advice on girlfriend issues. This is the first time I've used an online forum, such as this one, so bare with me.

Right I'm 17, and I've had two real relationships in the past, both of which the girls both made me feel very wanted, need, & would consistently text me and talk to me on Facebook. I've just started a new relationship with another girl and things are very different to what I'm used to, I'm not sure if she really wants to be with me, as much as she's told me she does. Here are the issues:

1. She say's she loves me but we keep having petty little needless arguments
2. She seems to always be grumpy, although she assures me she is fine
3. She'll read a message of mine on Facebook, It'll appear that she has read it but then does not reply for a long time
4. She is different on her own to how she is face to face
5. She say's she'll meet me then blow it all of at the last minute

They are a few of the things that are making me wonder

What should I do? I've tried to do the same sorts of things back to her but then I get bored of trying it as I'm not that sort of person!

Help?!

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Ah, welcome to the wonderful world of dating.

Since you're only 17, I will be kind but straight to the point with you. What I'm about to say may be a shock to your ego, but trust me, it will benefit you in the long run.

What you're noticing from her are signs of waning interest. They are called "red flags": i.e. things a girl starts to do when she no longer wants to be with you. When these things happen, most men feel it in their gut but choose to ignore it because their ego doesn't want to believe that a girl would stop liking someone as awesome as them.

Unfortunately, this type of thing happens all the time. In most cases, a girl will start losing interest in you if you're doing things that indicate clinginess, desperation, or a lack of masculinity on your part. These things can include:

*Calling/texting/messaging her all the time
*Telling her your "feelings" about her
*Constantly asking her "is everything okay?"
*Acting jealous

A tell-tale sign of a girl losing interest in you is that, more and more, things about you that she once liked will suddenly start to bug her. She may have liked your polo shirt at the beginning of the relationship, but now she says stuff like "why do you always wear polo?"

In reference to your specific signs, here are how they are "red flags":

1. She say's she loves me but we keep having petty little needless arguments - The more arguments she's starting with you, the lower her interest is. A woman with high interest is too in love with her guy to find things worth fighting about, especially little things.

2. She seems to always be grumpy, although she assures me she is fine - Anytime a woman says she's "fine" usually means she isn't. If a woman is always grumpy around you, it means that, subconsciously, she is not currently around someone she REALLY wants to be with.

3. She'll read a message of mine on Facebook, It'll appear that she has read it but then does not reply for a long time - She's less and less interested in wanting to talk to you. A FB message takes, what, less than 2 minutes to respond to. If she's regularly not getting back to you, it's a HUGE red flag.

4. She is different on her own to how she is face to face - If she's more happy and upbeat when she's not around you, BIG PROBLEM.

5. She say's she'll meet me then blow it all of at the last minute - She doesn't want to hurt your feelings when you give the initial meet-up option... but then she realizes at the last minute that she'd rather do ANYTHING ELSE besides be around you.

In short: she may like the idea of having someone be her boyfriend, but that doesn't mean she likes YOU.

Sadly, not every girl you date is going to stay in "like" or "love" with you. Just because they "say" they like you doesn't mean they do - which is why it's so important to look at a girls ACTIONS vs. what she says. You always have to keep your own eyes and ears open when dating a girl to recognize these signs when they start happening so you can re-direct course if necessary. The earlier you learn this in life, the better (and less painful) your dating life will be.

Lastly: in answer to your specific question, there's not really much you can do. The best thing to do, honestly, would be to start going after other girls and not get so stuck on having to date this one. It might make her jealous and force her to show you signs of interest, but realistically you should do it in hopes of finding another girl who WILL like you. Besides, you really don't want to date someone who you have to make jealous all the time in order for her to act like she likes you - you are better than that!

Hope this helps!

 

[Purefilth]

Well Put Harry, REP+. @ InNeedOfAdvice - youre lucky to have found this forum at 17, I had a similar problem at the same age, and yeah, finding this place before would have saved me soo much grief and headspinning you have no idea! Stick around and have a read of some of the materials here, you will learn so much.

 

[InNeedOfAdvice]

Thanks for the advice! Now I can see where you're coming from BUT her friends are all saying she seems a lot happier since she started this new relationship, apparently she is often grumpy (like most females)... She has said that her ex's have previously hurt her emotionally, making it difficult for her to trust any boy and find it difficult to maintain a relationship.

A friend of hers said to her the other day "So why do you feel as you don't want to be with him" her reply "I love him, and want to be with him, but when I get in to relationships I no longer want them" (conversation overheard by a friend of hers).

Lastly (Bit personal) but the girl Is a virgin, she said she wants me to be her first as she "loves" me... this makes me wonder whether maybe she just want to find someone to take her virginity and see's me as an easy option... I'll see how she is after that happens.

I can then make a decision