how to make gf jealous

[backbreaker]

Originally posted by DEKKA
first of all you can't make somebody jealous if a.)they have lots of options or b.) they have low interest level in you. if you are in either one of those two boats with this one you're s.o.l.

now, here's the deal, ususally when a guy suspects somethings going on, he's not just a paranoid bastard, he's right. guys know how guys are and if she's goin out with "friends" that are male all the time that should trigger the "somethings not right" thing in your head cuz in todays society guys cannot be friends with women they are attracted to in a platonic way(women can however) if she's out with them and they are attracted to her you can bet they are at very least makin out.

in some cases there is no solution that can fix the problem with a specific girl, only solutions that fix the dynamic so you don't ever percieve a problem(because you have so many other options). men that have lots of options don't perceive a problem with one girl in particular because they aren't afriad of loss. they don't worry about "is she cheating on me" and stuff. the focus is shifted from her to you(where it should be).

bottom line, you can't make somebody jealous if they aren't really really into you already.

as far as nexting her, nah i wouldn't, just wrap your tool so she doesn't bring you home a surprise and work on expanding your crew to include a few more chicks, the boost in confidence, you may find, will bring her around, and if it doesn't se la vie.

-J

you are right, but that's the beatuy of the w hole thing!

first, if a guy is hanging out with a girl constanty and she has a BF he is either a) not interested in her sexually or b) and AFC. Either way, if you are doing your job, you have nothing to worry about.

I NEVER have a problem with a girl seeing other guy friends. First, because I am confident I am doing my job, and If I am not, then mabye she does need to find someone who can. Secondly, if I told her no, she would do it anyway.

One of the hardest decisions I have had to make in my life was telling my ex girlfriend that she could go and "see" her old BF, because they were still "friends". Now, I wasn't stupid, I knew what was going to happen. But we had already had sex and I knew we had a connection with each other. I knew that me and her weren't going to last if he was still in the picture, and the only way I could get him out of the picture was to let her "test the field". I knew when I told her she could see him they would have sex. I accecpted for the greater good of our relationship. Besides, they would have anyway. They were together for quite a while.

Low and behold, a month later she was over my house crying and told me she had something to tell me. I pretended like I didnt' know what was going on as she told me what happened. I pretended to be semi-hurt and when it was all said and done, she never really talked to him again.

Now if I would have handled that by saying "no, you can't see him under any circumstances" she would have found a way to see him, and probably would have gotten together with him.

Me and her aren't together any l onger, but not because of that. We are still good friends, and I learned a valuable lesson on dealing with women.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by newbeginning
giovanni, youre being a little harsh. That might be the way you were born, ever consider that?? I didnt come here for your bull****, if you can't help then shut the fvck up.

I am helping. You're insecure. You don't trust your girl to keep guys from putting their d*cks inside her. Keeping her under constant surveillance, locking her up, or telling her who can and cannot be her friends isn't going to solve the underlying problem because the underlying problem isn't her, it's you.

I don't know exactly what you expect, but girls are going to have friends that are guys. You can tell this chick to take a hike, but the same problem will be there with the next girl, and the next.

So what you need to do is figure out why you're so damn insecure... figure out why you believe that your girl would cheat on you despite (as far as what you've said in this thread), having no evidence to support that notion. Then, you need to fix that insecurity problem. Then the next time one of her guy friends offers to watch Mona Lisa Smile with her, you can just roll your eyes, say, "Better him than me," and watch your football game.

 

[Juan_Man]

Just remember this. There is NO such thing as a girl and a guy just hanging out. Someone wants sex out of the deal. But this doesn't mean that she's the one that wants it. Just keep cool and hang out with some of your female friends (even if you don't want to). Showing insecurity is only going to make you look less attractive.

 

[Juan_Man]

Originally posted by backbreaker
you are right, but that's the beatuy of the w hole thing!

first, if a guy is hanging out with a girl constanty and she has a BF he is either a) not interested in her sexually or b) and AFC. Either way, if you are doing your job, you have nothing to worry about.

I NEVER have a problem with a girl seeing other guy friends. First, because I am confident I am doing my job, and If I am not, then mabye she does need to find someone who can. Secondly, if I told her no, she would do it anyway.

One of the hardest decisions I have had to make in my life was telling my ex girlfriend that she could go and "see" her old BF, because they were still "friends". Now, I wasn't stupid, I knew what was going to happen. But we had already had sex and I knew we had a connection with each other. I knew that me and her weren't going to last if he was still in the picture, and the only way I could get him out of the picture was to let her "test the field". I knew when I told her she could see him they would have sex. I accecpted for the greater good of our relationship. Besides, they would have anyway. They were together for quite a while.

Low and behold, a month later she was over my house crying and told me she had something to tell me. I pretended like I didnt' know what was going on as she told me what happened. I pretended to be semi-hurt and when it was all said and done, she never really talked to him again.

Now if I would have handled that by saying "no, you can't see him under any circumstances" she would have found a way to see him, and probably would have gotten together with him.

Me and her aren't together any l onger, but not because of that. We are still good friends, and I learned a valuable lesson on dealing with women.

Let me get this straight. You basically let your woman have sex with her ex? WTF!!! I don't see where you came out the victor. In fact, staying with her after she told you what happened makes you look pretty chumpish.

 

[DEKKA]

Originally posted by xblitz44x
You can't assume that she's making out with her friends just because they happen to be guys. That's ridiculous. You're assuming based off of *nothing*, other than an illogical theory.

If the relationship is rocky to begin with, then by all means, get out. But if the root of all of your problems has been that you're too insecure and weak to accept the fact that she has friends that aren't girls, then the problem lies in *you*, not her. ESPECIALLY if she had those friends before you started the relationship with her. If that's the case, and you couldn't accept he fact that she has guy friends, then you should have never got into the relationship to begin with. But now that you're in it, you have no right to break her and her guy friends up just because you're too insecure to be able to see reality.

generally when my chick has friends thats no problem.... cuz there is no problem. but see this guy is almost to the point where he's thinking of cutting a running. somethings wrong here, and he mentioned many guy friends and seemingly low IL. those things i take as strong signs that he doesn't know the whole story of whats really going on. when i chick has guy friends you're only gunna suspect somethings going on if you get signs from her.

-J

 

[DEKKA]

Originally posted by DEKKA
generally when my chick has friends thats no problem.... cuz there is no problem. but see this guy is almost to the point where he's thinking of cutting a running. somethings wrong here, and he mentioned many guy friends and seemingly low IL. those things i take as strong signs that he doesn't know the whole story of whats really going on. when a chick has guy friends you're only gunna suspect somethings going on if you get signs from her.

-J

 

[Phrozen]

This is the kind of newbie AFC crap that drives the great DJ's of the past away.

Some of you guys suggesting an ultimatum? Maybe you should just tell her flat out that you're insecure. If you have learned anything about the DJ mindset then you should know these basic principles. Either you're either fulfilling her needs enough that she shouldn't even think about looking elsewhere, or she is not trustworthy and you need to end the relationship.

 

[backbreaker]

Originally posted by Juan_Man
Let me get this straight. You basically let your woman have sex with her ex? WTF!!! I don't see where you came out the victor. In fact, staying with her after she told you what happened makes you look pretty chumpish.

You're damn right I did, and to be honest it was the best decision I made in that entire relationship. I would make the same decision every day if I had to.

You dont' seem to understand. I didn't make the decision, it was going to happen in the first place. You don't date someone for 2 and a half years, and then just cut all contact/feelings off for that person, I dont' care how you broke up.

Was it tough thinking of her with him again? Yes it was, I would be lying if I said it wasn't. But sometimes you have to make the tought call. Like I said, she was more than likely going to do it again, and I was sure of it when she mentioned that her ex asked her to a movie and she was interesed, but wanted my imput.

Again, you can say what you want, but we were together for well over a year, and the only reason we broke up is becuase I am not able to spend the time necessary with her to keep her happy. I actually ended it. We are still very good friends to this day.

Dude, grow the **** up. YOU look like a dumbass to think that you are the only person she has every met or every will meet. She had feeling for someone before we got together, and I am sure she has feelings for someone else now that we are not together. Hell, I am sure if she has a BF she still has feelings for me.

Also, I had other options if she did decide to go back to him, and it made the decision alot easier.


Also, whoever said a guy and a girl can't be friends, (a couple of posts ago) is full of crap. When you aren't dating anyone, yes that may be true, but once you are dating someone or even better if you are dating more than one person, I can be with a woman and sex would be the last thing on my mind.

 

[jbbrain]

wait wait wait..enough with this "holier than thou" mindset you seem to have oozing out of every word you type.

A girlfriend of yours cheated on you. With an ex boyfriend. I dont give a flying fvck what kind of relationship they had, or how they broke up etc.

The point is: They're over. You and her were together. I expect this simple statement to resonate harmoniously throughout every entire relationship i come across.

If she doesnt honour this expectation, then she gets thrown to the curb.

the fact that you think that somehow you came across as "enlightened" because she screwed her ex and told u a month later (and u seemingly got over it because she was goign to do it "anyways"), makes me think that you, sir, are a dumbass.

Either that, or you're so fvcking "next level", it's almost surreal.

 

[backbreaker]

First and foremost, I really don't see why you are getting bent out of shape about the whole ordeal.

I never told the guy to do what I did, I was just showing you what I did as an exmaple. It worked for me, I know I made the right decision, regardless of what you or anyone else says.

Thoose of you who say things such that don't live in the real world. Also, this isnt'a girl, this is a grown woman with a college degree we are talking about and they were engaged.

Why do you think I have a holier than thou attidude? Because I am confident in myself and the decisions I make? Isn't that what we are striving for?

I am not loosing my cool, and I am not even mad at you, we all have our different opinions, you can think what you want about me or what I did, I am cool with it, just like anyone else should be cool with what anyone else thinks about them.

Regardless, this post wasn't made so that I can get into an arugement aobut one of the best relationships I have had in my life, it was to help this guy out.

So,

With that said, the real issue isnt' her having friends, it's your insecurity. I think you should chill from her for a second, not because she did anything wrong, but because you really need to tackle thoose issues before you mess yourself up. you will be all the better for it.

 

[Kelson]

Actually, if you'd take a moment to think about what backbreaker was saying, you'd see that it is the best approach...as counter-intuitive as most AFC's see it. If I'm going out with a chick and she wants to see her ex-boyfriend, nothing I say or do is going to change that. It is the forbidden fruit effect. Simply because she now "can't" have him, she's going to want to be with him even more. If he's still interested in her, this makes it even easier for him. By the way, if she didn't care for you as well, she just wouldn't tell you. Consider yourself fortunate she would tell you.

Now, the problem. You can go tell her not to see him which will piss her off (who wants to be ordered not to see their friends? If a chick told me this I'd ditch her in a second) and not stop anything or you can let her go see him and get over it.

In the first case, you'll have most likely just ruined the relationship. You look insecure. And you just treated her like she's your possession and her emotions/thoughts don't matter to you. I've never seen this work, despire what was said.

Second option, she is going to either leave you or become more trustworthy than ever. I've never gone out with a person for any period of time that I didn't like as a person. It only makes sense then that I would still like to be their friend after the relationship; even when not interested in having any kind of intimacy. If you really are all she needs, she'll ignore his advances (if they exist, remember...we're assuming he wants to get with her which may not be true) and his desperation will ruin him in her eyes.

I'd really recommend letting her go hang out with him. Meanwhile, you go hang with some chicks to make sure you're still top of your game. If nothing else can corrode a relationship, always being together will do it. It is important to never make yourself available at any whim by a girl...it makes you too easy.

By the way, loved the post Giovanni

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Only you younger guys of the effeminate generation would be so naive and chumpish to allow your girl to go out with other guys while she leaves you at home.

It sickens me to see these weak men out here letting the woman control the agenda and dictating what they will and will not do.

If the ho wants to go out with other dudes and prefers them to you then I say let the ho do what hos must do - but you don't have to be with such a woman unless you like disrespect and have no dignity!

There is no such thing as "Guy friends" - that is something the younger effeminate/hor generation has allowed and tolerated.

Men don't let their girls/wives "hangout" with dudes and still keeps her! You are a chump and a weak man if you allow such disrespect!

 

[Kelson]

*cough* Seemed to have forgotten about the original issue...

If your gf is hanging out with lots of males, that is something to deal with. I definately wouldn't tell her you don't want her doing it (You say: "I feel uncomfortable with you hanging out with other guys...stop it." She hears: I'm insecure and AFC, please go behind my back and...), but make yourself more unavailable. Go hang out with some females. Ignore her for a bit (be careful with this one so you don't make her feel ignored...as if you just didn't care at all about her, that will encourage other relationships) and open yourself up to other girls to hang out with and have a good time with. This will make her remember what a great catch you are.

Ultimately, if you can't trust her not to cheat on you to begin with, your relationship is going to fail anyhow.

 

[backbreaker]

The only time you can't have friends of the opposite sex are when you are single and desperate. I have plenty of, well 4, women that I am friends with that I wouldn't dream of dating, I consider them buddies

Ultimately, if you can't trust her not to cheat on you to begin with, your relationship is going to fail anyhow.[/]

someone finally gets my point.

Men don't let their girls/wives "hangout" with dudes and still keeps her! You are a chump and a weak man if you allow such disrespect!

Now this is different. Very different. I would not let my wife do such a thing. however, I never said I would. I am just 20 years old for crying out loud.

EVERY RELATIONSHIP YOU ARE IN, EXECPT 1, IS GOING TO END

And for some men, they don't even get that 1. So the odds are, you are going to break up. The only quesiton is how.


The bottom line is this, if you have a problem with your GF, NOT YOUR WIFE, having friends of the opposite sex, then you have issues. You are a long, long way from being an a true DJ, because you still have issues within yourself that need to be delt with.

If she is going to leave you, there isn't anything you can do to stop her.

 

[Juan_Man]

Originally posted by backbreaker
If she is going to leave you, there isn't anything you can do to stop her.

True! But I think that you need to maintain a certain amount of self-respect when you are in the relationship. If you know that your girl is going to cheat, then it's better to break things off before you get disrespected/hurt/played.

 

[backbreaker]

there are two main reasons why I don't agree with that. First, you can't punish someone for something they havent' done yet.

Also, that shows the lack of confidence you have in her, and more importantly, yourself.

What I do, is unlike most guys and girls, I go into a relationship expecting to end. I don't think everyone I am with is my soulmate. I mean, the odds ARE in my favor. Of couse i would like for them to last, but if and when they don't, I am not shocked. NOt to say I am not disopointed, but not shocked.

When I am with women, I maintain women friends on the side, not for sex, but because it makes it easier to let go if need be. And more times than not, it need be.

 

[MindOverMatter]

What I do, is unlike most guys and girls, I go into a relationship expecting to end.

That's similar to how I think. I go into every relationship prepared for all the worst case scenarios. That way, if the worst case scenarios ever happen, they never catch me be surprise, and I know how to handle them in a calm manner.

Like that old saying goes, be prepared for the worst but expect the best. Edit - in your case I guess it's "be prepared for the worst and expect the worst" heh

 

[Eternal]

Newsflash: Girls have guy friends. Guys have female friends. Does that mean that they are always out screwing thier friend? NO! Friends are friends. Deal with it and stop being so insecure.

Thread Closed before it gets even more out of hand.

 

[Survivor]

I've contacted crazykid and had the thread reopened.....

My 2 cents....

Its seems like the original poster is afraid that his gf may be having more fun with her male friends than she is with him. If he's a boring person then he needs to make adjustments to his own persona and step up to the plate.

Any remotely attractive woman will always have suitors lined up. Romance is a 24/7/365 job. Deal with it.

If you know that you're more exciting to be around than her male friends, you have nothing to insecure about.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by crazykid
Newsflash: Girls have guy friends. Guys have female friends. Does that mean that they are always out screwing thier friend? NO! Friends are friends. Deal with it and stop being so insecure.

Thread Closed before it gets even more out of hand.

Now I know why they call you Crazy Kid!! Did you close the thread because you wanted the last word?? There are much much much much more threads that need to be closed before this one which has no cause to be silenced!

The issue here is one of RESPECT - we are not talking about whether people can have friends of the opposite sex - that is a non-issue.

The issue is that HIS girl leaves his ass at home while she goes out to PARTY with a GROUP OF GUYS ALL THE TIME!!!!!! It has nothing to do whether she will cheat on him - if she cheats on him it will not be in front of a group of guys - she'll do this privately!

He is allowing himself to get disrespected by keeping company with a girlwho is out carousing around with other males and this tells you something about her mindset.

What kind of a woman goes out alone with say 4 or 5 guys and none of them are her boyfriend?? Why would she constantly do this? Is this a woman that you would want a ltr with or one to call 'girlfriend'???

Women with this mindset are loose women who like to drink, dance/grind and get fvcked by various dudes - in time this will be the outcome if she is not doing so already. This is part of the independent hor mindset and it is only a 'Chump" with a capital C who would have a 'committed' relationship with such a ho.

You Young DJ's who allow such disrespect from your girl are far far far removed from the Don Juan status and are more in line with the CHUMP status.

The Don Juan of today was the guy we use to call chump 20 years ago - if you are one who lets your girl do what she wants when she wants or to even consider yourself being with such a woman with a hor mindset.

You guys are putting yourself on a much higher 'manly' so-called DJ status than what your thinking and actions call for!! Many of you think like weak men and are on par with other AFCs - quit trying to differentiate yourself from the average chump when your thinking and actions are in line with the average effeminate man of today!

Quit being so sensitive and ‘culturally correct’ when it comes to your manhood

DJ Newbeginnig start a ‘new beginning’ and get rid of this ho and date other women!!!! Don’t allow yourself to get disrespected and made to look like a chump in front of her male 'friends'!!!