How to lose the 'nice guy'?

[Athos]

Sometimes I feel a little bad/guilty about being a PUA and displaying Alpha male characteristics and I end up doing 'nice guy' things.

I remember reading this quote from someone's post:

"The problem is that most guys are 70-90% nice guy, instead of being 90% confident/edgy/****y/funny/masculine and 10% nice guy."

Like most of the time (in my limited experience so far) I know how to control a social situation by using alpha male characteristics. But this generally means I am observing what everyone is saying and having to make sure I focus on that attitude.

IF I don't do this... I end up going back to the 'nice guy'... Just because by nature I'm a nice natured person, care about hurting other's feelings etc. Often I won't even be hurting them, but I'll remember back to the days when I use to get "Alpha'd" by other guys.

Also relating to this, is it important to maintain the Alpha attitude in just male situations? Even if girls aren't directly in ear-shot or observing?

I have a sinking feeling the answer to this too is yes.

But I'll give you an example: Today I was out skating, just having fun, met up with some mates there. Some like 3 guys and me were just skating around. One of those guys is a lot better then me and was helping me out. We were all friends, etc. and I realized when I got home, I hadn't been noticing to whether I was being alpha or not.

A particular instance of this was when I told my friend I got a new car with insurance money from the last car. My car isn't as expensive as his, so I just said "Oh, it's just a crappy Nissan." I mean it's okay, like I said we're all friend etc. and I wasn't thinking about social value, just 4 guys skating around.

So, basically I'm asking what I'm supposed to be doing? Am I always observing and maintaining Alpha characteristics? And do I always make sure I am the alpha male in any situation? Or is it okay to be the 'nice guy'?

Lastly, how do I lose this 'nice guy' attitude? I mean, by nature I am a very empathetic and sympathetic person. E.g. I know to make a girl wait before replying/returning calls but often I'll get flashes of the nice guy where I'll feel guilty or bad about not calling immediately...

 

[zekko]

Going around trying to be the alpha male all the time is kind of BS IMO, but I know what you're shooting for. If you want to be a masculine leader type of guy, you have to actually BECOME that person, not just act like it. So in that respect, yeah, you need to be that guy you want to be all the time. And the more you practice, the easier it will be.

I think that if you're in a situation where you're with old friends it could be more difficult. Some people here have ended up getting all new friends because the old friends couldn't accept the new behaviors. If this happens, you can do that or try bringing in the new behaviors more gradually. Depends on how much you value your old friends versus your wanting to change, and on how far away your former self is from the guy you want to be.

I think you were fine taking the apprentice role from the better skater. You're learning something from him to improve yourself, that's pretty alpha in itself. Just because you are trying to be a real man doesn't mean you know everything.

As for the guy ripping on your car, I don't know how serious he was. I suppose the alpha thing to do would be to either ignore it or turn it into a joke. An alpha would not get riled by someone insulting his car, because his opinion is the one that matters, not some joker trying to put him down.

 

[Athos]

Cheers for the advice and response.

Oh I should have been more clear. These guys aren't old friends. Well, I've known them for about a month, I see them a few hours a week when we skate.

Also, he didn't insult my car at all, I just know/feel that it's a pretty cheap car, so I just mentioned it, because I wasn't thinking about being alpha really.

Maybe the old me just showed up and decided to DLV myself? Because I don't really care as it gets me from A to B which is all that matters.

 

[zekko]

Also, he didn't insult my car at all, I just know/feel that it's a pretty cheap car, so I just mentioned it, because I wasn't thinking about being alpha really.

Oops, I misread that as HIM saying it was just a crappy Nissan, not you saying it.

Never mind.

 

[synergy1]

But I'll give you an example: Today I was out skating, just having fun, met up with some mates there. Some like 3 guys and me were just skating around. One of those guys is a lot better then me and was helping me out. We were all friends, etc. and I realized when I got home, I hadn't been noticing to whether I was being alpha or not.

I reffed back in college and would always hit up the open skating at the rink before I had to go to work. One time, the refs and one of the teams that showed up early had some time to kill. We decided to break out the nets and start playing hockey. We pretty much kicked off the open skaters and figure skaters and started ripping shots on one end of the ice. No gear on, so if you can imagine slappers coming near your face, thats how it was. It was worth the trouble we got in. One of the figure skaters never forgave us. Its okay, she probably got pregnant from a hockey player anyway.

Were you being alpha? no. Are you ever? no. You try too hard. Moral of my story? do what you want and stop thinking about stupid ****. make whatever you want to happen, happen. Otherwise, you'll remain a pretender and look like a tool.

 

[Athos]

Hmm.

do what you want and stop thinking about stupid ****.


By that theory, I'll call a HB9 all the time? Text her back immediately? Always be available?


What sort of advice is that?

 

[HeMan]

nothing wrong with being nice! just dont be a pushover and constantly try to have fun with what your doing

 

[Diaforetikos]

Learning to say exactly what your thinking and not caring about what others think will set up your alpha-ness. You'll be setting the standards on what is cool and what isn't. You just have to learn that saying whatever you want is ok.

 

[Ease]

The answer to your post is yes. You need to be alpha all the time. There are winners and there are losers, you have to choose which you want to be.

Especially when your with your friends, this is where you build your character. Everyone wants to be led. Its easier to follow than to lead. When you convincingly take lead, people will follow without question and be happy to do so and allow you the position above them. This doesnt just mean the captain of a team or the person who organises, but it can mean the person who's opinion is valued most or who is most respected and holds the attention of others most.

In the situation you described you didnt lose value because you have a bad car but you felt the need to de-appreciate yourself and be 'modest'. It would have been funny if you said 'its just a crappy nissan, still better than your piece of **** haha'. Putting others above you is beta, keep them below you and make sure you are still king.

 

[synergy1]

Hmm.

do what you want and stop thinking about stupid ****.


By that theory, I'll call a HB9 all the time? Text her back immediately? Always be available?


What sort of advice is that?

I used to worry about this, that and the other thing, and it was retarded. You are trying to be someone your not. When I stopped caring about what other people ( not co workers/bosses - they sort of matter) want, life became simpler.

If you get a hot number, do you call back? maybe you do since you clearly have no life. I have a business I run, and work out so between everything I am busy as fvck and won't be able to commit to **** until the weekend. Even than, its a stretch.

Go ahead, live by someone elses rules. I prefer to do my own thing. to each their own I guess.

 

[the305]

This is the most backwards advice I have EVER heard in this community. Throw the WHOLE "alpha" crap out the window. Focus on being social, positive, and fun to be "liked" amongst your peers. Read "how to win friends and influence people", great book.

There is no "winner" or "loser", "alpha" or "non alpha", "leader" or "follower" in the real world of adults, and if ANY ONE of my friends started to act as if there was, they would NOT be friends with me, or anyone I know.

Unless you are referring to 14 year olds in their first year of high school. This whole thread is completely pointless.

 

[Ease]

This is the most backwards advice I have EVER heard in this community. Throw the WHOLE "alpha" crap out the window. Focus on being social, positive, and fun to be "liked" amongst your peers. Read "how to win friends and influence people", great book.

There is no "winner" or "loser", "alpha" or "non alpha", "leader" or "follower" in the real world of adults, and if ANY ONE of my friends started to act as if there was, they would NOT be friends with me, or anyone I know.

Unless you are referring to 14 year olds in their first year of high school. This whole thread is completely pointless.

This is the type of thing one says without thinking.

Where you give advice based on your ideal and what sounds logical and nice. Not what is actually genuine. This is why you dont ask girls for girl advice, and your competitors for advice to get ahead.

Throw the alpha out the window, lets hold hands and be friends. Read Laws of power.

 

[stayfly]

being alpha isn't about constantly monitoring your dominance.

relax and just enjoy yourself. be assertive and don't get pushed around but don't force anything.

in terms of losing the nice guy image, replace it with the cool, confident image by doing things that display and develop this image.

 

[Zarky]

I say forget all this silly "alpha" crap. Respect yourself, respect others, and there you go.

 

[the305]

This is the type of thing one says without thinking.

Where you give advice based on your ideal and what sounds logical and nice. Not what is actually genuine. This is why you dont ask girls for girl advice, and your competitors for advice to get ahead.

Throw the alpha out the window, lets hold hands and be friends. Read Laws of power.

I state that being an alpha male douche bag to your actual friends, will result in you not having those friends. Rather focus on being social, fun, outgoing, friendly to be "liked" by your friends.

Then you tell me it sounds logical and nice but isn't genuine, I really think you don't know English, im dead serious. You make zero sense, are you using google translator or something..

WTF is this guy even talking about?!