How to lose and kill that hope for her?

[youngmack]

There are days when im like "yo its over you wont get her,we are going to graduate soon just cut your losses" and other days where im just holding onto that little Piece of hope in the back of my mind of how she will just one day realize that she wants me. I'm talking bout my oneitis. I went no contact for a couple of months during the summer but now school is back and i have a class with her.

This is making my recovery much harder now. Everytime i feel like im getting over her that hope just comes back. Idk how im supposed to get over when i see her everyday and she sits right behind me.

How do i just let go of that hope of gettin her and accept that most likely it wont happen?

 

[digital_sunrise]

There are days when im like "yo its over you wont get her,we are going to graduate soon just cut your losses" and other days where im just holding onto that little Piece of hope in the back of my mind of how she will just one day realize that she wants me. I'm talking bout my oneitis. I went no contact for a couple of months during the summer but now school is back and i have a class with her.

This is making my recovery much harder now. Everytime i feel like im getting over her that hope just comes back. Idk how im supposed to get over when i see her everyday and she sits right behind me.

How do i just let go of that hope of gettin her and accept that most likely it wont happen?

Step 1: Talk to her
Step 2: Ask her out
If she says no... you now know it won't work it out. You can move on.
If she says yes...happily ever after.

 

[youngmack]

@ digital

Shes my ex. She was my girlfriend and of course because of my AFCness and my inexperience wih girls she ate me up bad and dumped me. Five months later we hooked up and i fell for it all again. Thats what bought me here. Since then i've had oneitis. Sorry for the lack of background info.

Sometimes i do feel like with the knowledge i know now that i can pursue her and have the tables turned around. But idk maybe its just that "hope" part.

@ Lone, i know exactly what you mean bro. Im just having trouble instilling this in my brain. I know whats right and whats wrong but its like i just wont accept it for what it is. I keep having fantasies that she will soon wake up and come around and wih my new found knowledge i will have her back in my hands all over me.

 

[BigSmooth]

Because as soon as you graduate high school and get to college, this girl will be an afterthought.


I've had many oneitises over the years, and I would honestly think I really liked these girls because they were so special, but that was never the case. It's easy to tell yourself that you shouldn't like her and think about her, but actually implementing that is a lot harder. In the end though, it's not worth wallowing in your self-pity over her. It's honestly not.

 

[Konada]

Don't worry Scott. Even now and then I still fantasize about my previous oneitis. I believe it's normal for men who find their women attractive. My best bet for you would be to face reality and accept that it's never going to happen.

I've been in this situation one too many times. You go NC, you see her again, you get sucked back in, she becomes your oneitis again. Minimize contact, the less exposure the less chance of you getting sucked back in.

 

[JohnChops]

Your not alone man, I still think that every now and then when I see my old oneitis girl .... Then I think "I've never banged this girl and now I'm fvcking an awesome girl, ha her loss sucks to be her" and then I go on my merry way.

Its by no means easy to forget, blame your brain and evolution for that. Our long term memory is insane. You know what though I've actually managed to block certain memories from popping up in my mind, I kind of denied them as they re popped up and told myself that it didn't happen.

 

[flashpoint]

all my past oneitises had their flaws. i blinded myself not to see them but they were always there. in hindsight it was a composition of small decisions that made me fall for her/love her. my own decisions to be sure.

so it was always much easier to see her good sides in bright light whereas her not so pretty spots (bodily or personalitywise) were save in the shadows. and of course i would not only make myself blind but also deaf. you just dont hear what she says that she wants and what kind of a person she is (looking for).

now when this is over, you see it all clear. it is not her that is special, it is the way you look at her. learn to look that way at another girl and soon you will be over it.

 

[Uberguy]

all my past oneitises had their flaws. i blinded myself not to see them but they were always there. in hindsight it was a composition of small decisions that made me fall for her/love her. my own decisions to be sure.

so it was always much easier to see her good sides in bright light whereas her not so pretty spots (bodily or personalitywise) were save in the shadows. and of course i would not only make myself blind but also deaf. you just dont hear what she says that she wants and what kind of a person she is (looking for).

now when this is over, you see it all clear. it is not her that is special, it is the way you look at her. learn to look that way at another girl and soon you will be over it.

Learning this comes with experience. When you're young, and have fallen in oneitis with a limited number of people, it's easy to think you're dealing with some magical, perfect person. As you get older, and fall for more people, you realize that it's relatively common to find someone else attractive, and that no one is perfect. It'll come with time.

 

[JohnChops]

Remember there's not one perfect girl out there for you, but MANY perfect girls out there for you

 

[ZenoB]

Remember there's not one perfect girl out there for you, but MANY perfect girls out there for you

Exactly. There's no such thing as the One, there is just the one right now.

 

[youngmack]

Yeah bros i absolutely get what ya'll saying. I know much better than the circumstance im in right now. The crazy thing is this isnt my first oneitis ever so i know she isnt "the one". Its just that this one is the most extreme oneitis ever. No girl i have met has compared to her yet. I just need to fight this thing.

 

[HalfAddict]

Dude, just stop.

That easy.

Occupy your mind and body, stop letting your fantasies dictate your feelings.

What woulda shoulda coulda been is irrelevant to what is.

 

[ZenoB]

Yeah bros i absolutely get what ya'll saying. I know much better than the circumstance im in right now. The crazy thing is this isnt my first oneitis ever so i know she isnt "the one". Its just that this one is the most extreme oneitis ever. No girl i have met has compared to her yet. I just need to fight this thing.

Sounds malignant. This is a good one to refer to in such cases:
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2010/09/21/curing-oneitis/

 

[Krueg]

I remember Chuck Norris once told me; "Somethings you never get over, only time helps." or something like that! Though its true... For example your dog dies. It sucks at first but, as time goes on you slowly get over it.. in a way.

 

[VladPatton]

I just learned to do a complete reversal when a girl doesn't like me. Like an attraction switch goes off and suddenly she becomes unimportant, ugly, immature, etc. So in turn, that makes her unattractive now, which leads you to not give a $hit anymore. You don't care about a smelly, fat, rude, unattractive chick, so why would you care about her?

They are now the same.

 

[Alvafe]

one thing wit always help me is, be angry, keep your head and ignore her unless she talks with you then you say hi, don't saty too long, if is after class say you have to go to another class or place, or just say I have to go, just remember what she did, you should use that to remember to not lose time with her ever again, my oneitis works with me and I use that works it does, not talking with her unless its work related and ignore her all time, what the ***** do is not my business and she did bring it to herself.

so move on, better would be you try to find another, if she get jealous enjoy the feeling, but never let her get back.