How to help a BEYOND AFC friend.

[Chrom3y]

Ok so I've been talking to my friend about girls a lot lately and I've been telling him about what this site has helped me realize when it comes to girls/women w/e. Well anyway after I talk about all this DJ sh!t he always gets all sappy n sh!t like

"Dude whats the point of talking to girls? They won't give it up just like that. I believe in destiny and I'll find my love one day".

^^^ WTF? #1

"Dude you need to grow up, Im mature for my age (he's 17) and Im on a whole different level than people in our school (****y?). You think of girls like tools for sex, but when you can love someone for themselves then you know you've matured. (Like I care about maturity ATM). I've loved one girl for THREE YEARS. And I'm fine with the fact that I may never be with her. Just knowing her is enough for me"

^^^WTF?? #infinity:box:

I've never heard any guy say some BS like this. It kinda pissed me off because he wont open his eyes about this chick. How the hell do you help someone like this? Opinions? Any of you guys have friends like this?

 

[Hughman]

Beat him over the head until he bleeds?

Seriously though, there isn't much you can do. If you can get a copy of 'The Game' or something, and force him to read it, you might help him.

The best thing you can do is lead by example. Make sure he knows/sees you making out with women and getting the lays. It's the best you can can do for him.

If he doesn't see the light, then make sure he never wings with you. He's betaness might completely cramp you. I know that from hard experience - you want to wing with a guy who's just below you on the social hierarchy so you get the perception bonus. But if the divide is too great, you get swallowed up.

 

[Chrom3y]

You know thats a pretty good idea. I dont know how successful I'll be with the chicks this year, but I know last year I missed anywhere from about 5-9 oppurtunities to escalate with girls. Missed them cause I had a gf and was oblivious til now. But if thats the case then I sure more chicks will be on my johnson because they love my eyes and looks. I just need to capitalize on the attraction. I WANT to help him cause he's a good friend...but goddamn this is ridiculous.

 

[Ganondorf]

He'll do what he wants to do. you can't force him to change

But maybe he should take off the rose glasses for a few min. Does he even know this girl? or does he just graze at her in amazement everyday? It's unhealthy putting people on pedestals like that.

At this point there's not much you can do for him. you've lead him to the water, but he'll drink when he wants. you can't make him.

hell, This might sound stupid, but if he is happy where he is then just let him do what he wants.

I for one can read from your post that he is not happy and just gives up instead of taking a chance with this chick.

 

[Chrom3y]

He told me that she lives in New York (we live in Jersey), so Idk how he stays attracted to her. Apparently they talk about "everything", which is obvious friendzone (right?). But another thing he said was the best night he had with her was when his family went to new york and he visited her. They "layed under the stars and just talked until she fell asleep" beside him.

But Ganon you're right. Just let him be happy...or act it, w/e.
I'll definately try and do what Hughman said and "lead by example". Thats gotta be the best way.

 

[donjuanapprentice01]

Your friend seems to be an exact carbon copy of my from a couple years ago. I also went through the "I give up on women" stage, especially after my oneitis rejected me. Led me to depression too, let me tell you depression is nasty. It was the darkest time in my life, I had quit doing the things I enjoyed and just wallowed in my own misery. At the end of the day, it was me and only ME that decided to change, and this is what your friend will have to experience, rock bottom.

 

[Alle_Gory]

How the hell do you help someone like this? Opinions? Any of you guys have friends like this?

1. You don't.

2. You don't.

 

[Chrom3y]

Your friend seems to be an exact carbon copy of my from a couple years ago. I also went through the "I give up on women" stage, especially after my oneitis rejected me. Led me to depression too, let me tell you depression is nasty. It was the darkest time in my life, I had quit doing the things I enjoyed and just wallowed in my own misery. At the end of the day, it was me and only ME that decided to change, and this is what your friend will have to experience, rock bottom.

I hope he hits rock bottom soon, but then again that sounds weird. He has really good people skills and if he would stop being like this Im sure he could a decent amount of girls. Maybe even help me get some as I am still learning.

Alle Gory: Lol k thanks. But wouldnt you want to help a close friend?

 

[Alle_Gory]

Alle Gory: Lol k thanks. But wouldnt you want to help a close friend?

I would, but this is not the case. While he may be completely deluded about the truth, and the mating game, he is content where he is. Even if you can get him to understand, I don't think he will accept the truth. Worst case he can't handle it and break down. You won't be doing him a favor.

If he wants to find things out, he will do so when he is ready and at a pace he can handle.

Better just leave things be. If he wants to he will come around.

 

[Chrom3y]

I would, but this is not the case. While he may be completely deluded about the truth, and the mating game, he is content where he is. Even if you can get him to understand, I don't think he will accept the truth. Worst case he can't handle it and break down. You won't be doing him a favor.

If he wants to find things out, he will do so when he is ready and at a pace he can handle.

Better just leave things be. If he wants to he will come around.

Wow...you're right. I'll see how things go throughout the school year. Maybe he'll realize that he's only screwin himself.

 

[eaglez1177]

He'll have a meltdown eventually, just let him crash and burn theres really nothing you can do.

 

[RFish]

No Alle Gory speaks from experience and I will tell you the same thing. No point helping.

It is human mentality to believe each and every one of us is different and "'m different from you and my style of dating will bring me far." We are all use to staying on our grounds and resisting change.

If you try hard to change him he may think you have ulterior motive and will be defensive and hostile. Further attempt to proceed will only make him link any disasters or misfortune to you.

So don't.

You are still young. I use to put ALOT of effort into helping my friends. I will talk them through and be with them. You can say 99% of them won't listen. Yet come back after 2 months or so saying "Dude actually what you said the other time is right" those kind of things.

So my post is a bit messy I know Im having another conversation with my friend now but the bottom line is HE will never change. Human seldom find the way and will to change unless on the brink of destruction.

He will have to fall, get up, and recover to change.

When he recover that's when you start guiding him and tell him what gone wrong. That is when he will change.

My 2 cents.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Wow...you're right. I'll see how things go throughout the school year. Maybe he'll realize that he's only screwin himself.

Hopefully. You can try and teach him what he's willing to learn. If you encounter resistance, back off immediately.

Now this applies to all situations when dealing with friends. Don't intrude. Have respect for the boundary, even if they're idiots.

 

[slaog]

He has his beliefs and beliefs are hard to change. Its like what somebody said, people need to want to change. An alcoholic needs to hit rock bottom to change and its them same for most things.


Your friend is only 17 now though. Thats young. You might not think it but it is. You do your thing and you can tell him your methods. Thats all you can do. He's lucky to be told this at an early age.

 

[Chrom3y]

I appreciate everyone's opinion on this. Thank you guys. And I never thought of it that, to change people really must WANT to change. And it is very hard to change people's beliefs, I stand my ground with opinions too so that makes sense. But yea once again thanks.

 

[Alle_Gory]

I appreciate everyone's opinion on this. Thank you guys. And I never thought of it that, to change people really must WANT to change. And it is very hard to change people's beliefs, I stand my ground with opinions too so that makes sense. But yea once again thanks.

You're welcome. For great advice read the mature man section.

 

[Mr CIDH]

I have friends like that too. I got a few of them to be at a datingsite, one got a GF after 2 years through it.The rest is hopeless because they are and under averagely handsome and none of them wants to improve.