How to handle this insecure female

[MaverickCrown]

Hey I would appreciate some advice what should I say to her?

I have fallen for this woman and I would be ecstatic for it to work out but right now I am at a lost and I have received 3 emails from her since I have stopped talking to her (today makes 25 days) the most recent one is an apology I received this on the 16th but its very vague and doesn't seem sincere. We have both made a lot of mistakes which is why I am willing to respond to her. I want to give it a final shot I want to see if we are capable of working out.

The email: " I just want you to know that I am sorry. I know that you probably don't care but I do. I am sorry for whatever I did to you"

Does she deserve a response to this email and how can I respond to her. We've BOTH burned each other it was not all her fault. I have done things to make her less trusting towards me on the other hand she is childish and very confrontational yet she is also older than I am more stable etc and I am in a lot of issues right now and she agreed to accept all of this and help me out but always seemed to hold things against me all the time. I can tell she is just cautious but I lash out on her and become annoyed when she uses things she agreed not to against me. I am not sure if this email means she wants to work it out or if she is simply apologizing and want to move on.

 

[El Payaso]

Too long to read.

 

[MaverickCrown]

All viewers please respond the post has been shortened

 

[MaverickCrown]

Have him read every NC post

Will do. however do you have any answers for how he shall reply for the email he received yesterday?

 

[MaverickCrown]

Too long to read.

Hey I have shorten the post.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

You don't handle insecure females of this intensity - you avoid and/or drop them.

Reality check: people show you who they really are in the beginning. So, if in the beginning the first thing she did was blow up at him for not saving her number, it's only going to get WORSE, not BETTER. So, the advice is simple: don't respond to her emails, go back online and find somebody else to date. I wish there were better advice to give, but it's really, REALLY simple: difficult girls aren't worth getting with in the first place and are a waste of time.

 

[GS750]

Agreed. She's only going to make more demands of your time and attention as time goes on. Its going to get much, much worse.

 

[MaverickCrown]

You don't handle insecure females of this intensity - you avoid and/or drop them.

Reality check: people show you who they really are in the beginning. So, if in the beginning the first thing she did was blow up at him for not saving her number, it's only going to get WORSE, not BETTER. So, the advice is simple: don't respond to her emails, go back online and find somebody else to date. I wish there were better advice to give, but it's really, REALLY simple: difficult girls aren't worth getting with in the first place and are a waste of time.

I am aware that the future doesn't look too bright judging from her past behavior I wouldn't go that route if I didn't feel guilty but I think I owe it to myself to get it a real chance what is one final try? How would you respond to her email?

 

[MaverickCrown]

Agreed. She's only going to make more demands of your time and attention as time goes on. Its going to get much, much worse.

Appreciate your input. But how would you respond to her email ?

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Hey I would appreciate some advice what should I say to her?

I have fallen for this woman and I would be ecstatic for it to work out but right now I am at a lost and I have received 3 emails from her since I have stopped talking to her (today makes 25 days) the most recent one is an apology I received this on the 16th but its very vague and doesn't seem sincere. We have both made a lot of mistakes which is why I am willing to respond to her. I want to give it a final shot I want to see if we are capable of working out.

The email: " I just want you to know that I am sorry. I know that you probably don't care but I do. I am sorry for whatever I did to you"

Does she deserve a response to this email and how can I respond to her. We've BOTH burned each other it was not all her fault. I have done things to make her less trusting towards me on the other hand she is childish and very confrontational yet she is also older than I am more stable etc and I am in a lot of issues right now and she agreed to accept all of this and help me out but always seemed to hold things against me all the time. I can tell she is just cautious but I lash out on her and become annoyed when she uses things she agreed not to against me. I am not sure if this email means she wants to work it out or if she is simply apologizing and want to move on.

Here is your homework assignment: may take you awhile, but you must come to understand why what I highlighted in bold is the cause of your own downfall, the reason you've tripped yourself up and will continue to trip yourself up until you get this sorted out. Start by researching "outcome independence".

 

[MaverickCrown]

Here is your homework assignment: may take you awhile, but you must come to understand why what I highlighted in bold is the cause of your own downfall, the reason you've tripped yourself up and will continue to trip yourself up until you get this sorted out. Start by researching "outcome independence".

I did a brief google search I understand exactly what it means. Maybe you weren't able to read the previous post before I shortened it therefore it may seem as though I am only thinking of a good outcome and will beat myself up about a negative one but I have passed that point and I am emotionally stable for any outcome that contacting her will bring I am OK with a bad outcome. Throughout our fling she has always been the codependent insecure one and I have gone with the flow but I blame myself for 50% of her bad behaviour. I understand most guys will go the opposite direction because she is very clingy. Because I have gotten to know her I understand her and these past few months I've grown to see through the things she does so I am able to say you know what this deserve another chance. When I felt I put 100% into this and it dont work I will then move on but I haven't given this 100% because I simply don't know how to handle women.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

I did a brief google search I understand exactly what it means. Maybe you weren't able to read the previous post before I shortened it therefore it may seem as though I am only thinking of a good outcome and will beat myself up about a negative one but I have passed that point and I am emotionally stable for any outcome that contacting her will bring I am OK with a bad outcome. Throughout our fling she has always been the codependent insecure one and I have gone with the flow but I blame myself for 50% of her bad behaviour. I understand most guys will go the opposite direction because she is very clingy. Because I have gotten to know her I understand her and these past few months I've grown to see through the things she does so I am able to say you know what this deserve another chance. When I felt I put 100% into this and it dont work I will then move on but I haven't given this 100% because I simply don't know how to handle women.

Another issue, one tied to outcome independence: you shouldn't be hustling (i.e. giving it "100 %") to make your situation "work". Let's say you live in the ghetto - do you work harder to get yourself the best alarm system money can buy and better home insurance to protect all the shiny little toys you can now afford with your new increased salary, or - assuming you now are able to - do you simply pack up and move out of the ghetto?

Food for thought. Apply as you see fit.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

...okay, for starters: I actually read through the original post you put up before you changed it. There was nothing wrong with the length per se, but you didn't separate the story out into multiple paragraphs. Psychologically, not doing that overloads the brain 'cause it has to strain to try and read everything without any spaces in between to give it a breather. Now new people coming to this post won't know the whole situation, and you had many details in there that were important to know to give you the best response.

Anyway...

My original response still applies to your current question. I get that both you and her made mistakes, but what I do NOT want you to do is what a lot of guys do, which is blame themselves for HER behavior. Yes, you need to learn how not to blow up at her and/or figure out better ways to communicate your anger/disappointment to a woman without going out of control... but that's still not the cause of HER behavior. Her bringing up old things or pushing certain buttons isn't the result of anything YOU did - it's how she's learned how to fight because her goal isn't resolution, but to WIN. (Which may or may not be your goal as well, in which case you BOTH need to get over having to win every argument).

Based on your original post, you've already tried making it work with this chick numerous times, and it didn't work. Soooo, you've already given it your all - bail out. Also, there's quite a bit of contradiction in your assessment of why you should be with her. Like, you go from saying "she's great 'cause of this" to "but she sucks 'cause of this" - and the things she sucks for are TERRIBLE things to deal with in a relationship:

she is childish and very confrontational yet she is also older than I am more stable

Great - so she's stable lifestyle-wise but not emotional-wise... AND she's older?!? Dude, women are supposed to mature at a younger age than men; if YOU are more mature than HER and she's older, she ain't gonna change.

I am in a lot of issues right now and she agreed to accept all of this and help me out but always seemed to hold things against me all the time.

Sooo, she's allegedly accepting you as you are in your current situation yet is also holding things against you (which is probably the result of her not being honest about how she REALLY feels about your situation)? No bueno, señor...


Again: difficult girls aren't worth getting with in the first place and are a waste of time. If you're asking me how I'd respond to her email, the answer is that I wouldn't 'cause it would be a waste of my time to do so since she's a difficult girl. Me, along with others who have answered you, aren't saying this to you without having experienced it ourselves, and once you've gotten a few more girls under your belt you'll be able to better deal with difficult women when they pop up... because you're be smart enough to tell how difficult they'll be and won't mess with them in the first place.

 

[Trump]

Hey I would appreciate some advice what should I say to her?

- I have fallen for this woman and I would be ecstatic for it to work out
- I am willing to respond to her. I want to give it a final shot I want to see if we are capable of working out.

The email: " I just want you to know that I am sorry. I know that you probably don't care but I do. I am sorry for whatever I did to you"

- Does she deserve a response to this email and how can I respond to her.
- I am not sure if this email means she wants to work it out or if she is simply apologizing and want to move on.

Bro it seems like you are really confused. You seem like you are absolutely in love with her, but you want her to send an appropriate "I miss you" email before you respond.

- If you are absolutely in love with her, you can't want until she sends you an email to your liking and then decide to respond. If you are so love with her, pick up the phone and say "listen, I am completely in love with you and want to work it out."

- If you not absolutely in love with her, there is no reason to answer the email. She just said sorry to protect herself, not because she is in love with you.

But you can't be in love with her, but wait for her to send an appropriate email before responding.

Can't confuse the issues and have it both ways.