How to go about setting boundaries?

[El Payaso]

Is it possible to set boundaries AFTER the relationship is already in motion?

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

One can ONLY begin setting boundaries once a relationship has started, not while he is courting.

Trying to do so once he has gained the commitment from a woman can he begin setting boundaries.

One does not ask for commitment, he gains it. One that does not understand the difference needs to study the dictionary.

Gain attraction. Then gain lust. Gain interest. Then gain trust. Then one might gain commitment, then one might gain order.

 

[Soolaimon]

Would you put on a condom after you started blowing your load?

Women are only going to respect your boundaries as long as she respects you.

If your relationship is in trouble setting late boundaries will not work.

Even if you set boundaries before the relationship she is only going to follow the boundary when she has interest and attraction.

When she loses her interest and attraction for you she will break your boundary cause she has lost/losing interest.

Only these delusional betas think the woman will follow the boundary no matter what.

That is why I say boundaries are a waste of time.

They are only going to work as long as the woman holds her interest.

If you are a strong confident high value man you won't need any boundaries cause that is what women want. A man of value. They won't need other men.

Betas set boundaries cause they feel inferior to their woman and other men.

They think they can "filter women out" or hold "value" and contain her from hiding other men.

Women can easily go out and hide other men from you if they really wanted to.

Women have hid me from their boyfriends when they were cheating with me.

That is why I know boundaries don't work when those women I was fvking broke their beta boyfriend's boundaries with no problem.

The idea sounds good for some guys but when you have experience with women you will see it is a waste of time when you see how easily women will break verbal boundaries with no problem.

What valuable man would care about just one woman who misbehaves when he can easily get other women who already wants him?

A verbal boundary is like a marriage vow.

Women still break them with no problem.

Do you think women won't cheat with a boundary if they really wanted to?

If anybody disagrees with that they need to get their head examined.

I'm sure the boundary betas will still argue but that is truth.

If you want a boundary always do it before and not after or in the middle of the relationship when it's too late.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Would you put on a condom after you started blowing your load?

Women are only going to respect your boundaries as long as she respects you.

If your relationship is in trouble setting late boundaries will not work.

Even if you set boundaries before the relationship she is only going to follow the boundary when she has interest and attraction.

When she loses her interest and attraction for you she will break your boundary cause she has lost/losing interest.

Only these delusional betas think the woman will follow the boundary no matter what.

That is why I say boundaries are a waste of time.

They are only going to work as long as the woman holds her interest.

If you are a strong confident high value man you won't need any boundaries cause that is what women want. A man of value. They won't need other men.

Betas set boundaries cause they feel inferior to their woman and other men.

They think they can "filter women out" or hold "value" and contain her from hiding other men.

Women can easily go out and hide other men from you if they really wanted to.

Women have hid me from their boyfriends when they were cheating with me.

That is why I know boundaries don't work when those women I was fvking broke their beta boyfriend's boundaries with no problem.

The idea sounds good for some guys but when you have experience with women you will see it is a waste of time when you see how easily women will break verbal boundaries with no problem.

What valuable man would care about just one woman who misbehaves when he can easily get other women who already wants him?

A verbal boundary is like a marriage vow.

Women still break them with no problem.

Do you think women won't cheat with a boundary if they really wanted to?

If anybody disagrees with that they need to get their head examined.

I'm sure the boundary betas will still argue but that is truth.

If you want a boundary always do it before and not after or in the middle of the relationship when it's too late.

This is too black and white. That's not the way the universe works.

 

[Soolaimon]

This is too black and white. That's not the way the universe works.

Nothing black and white about it. It's common sense.

Do you not think a woman will leave you when her IL is at 0 with or without a boundary?

Do you not think a woman will respect you when her interest is high with or without a boundary?

Do you think a woman is going to stay with you with an IL of 0 with a boundary?

Do you think a woman with no interest is going to date you? fvk you? be in a relationship with you? stay with a man who she doesn't like anymore?

If you think "Yes" she will stay with 0 IL you are nuts!

It's about interest, attraction, value with women. Not boundaries.

That's how it works with women.

I guess you have no experience to know that cause you think women will still respect you with 0 interest.

These boundary guys can't accept the fact that boundaries won't work on women with no more interest.

That is having delusion!

 

[SmooveMooves]

In b4 7 page argument.

Nice bait.

My advice: Forget a boundary. Proceed with the relationship & if she does anything you don't like?

Cut that b**** off.

 

[apprenticedj]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Soolaimon again.

I say boundaries, schmoundaries. It's good to start a relationship will some basic ground rules, ie no hanging around with other dudes, no flirting with other dudes etc. This won't stop her from crossing the line but it will be a clear demonstration of when she ACTUALLY crosses the line. Basically it'll make it clear that she violated the rules and she needs to be terminated.

But I'm 100% with Soolaimon, boundaries don't matter if she no longer values you. It's basic branch swinging 101, they'll violate every boundary on their way out. Lose you value and all bets or boundaries are null and void.

 

[Soolaimon]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Soolaimon again.

I say boundaries, schmoundaries. It's good to start a relationship will some basic ground rules, ie no hanging around with other dudes, no flirting with other dudes etc. This won't stop her from crossing the line but it will be a clear demonstration of when she ACTUALLY crosses the line. Basically it'll make it clear that she violated the rules and she needs to be terminated.

But I'm 100% with Soolaimon, boundaries don't matter if she no longer values you. It's basic branch swinging 101, they'll violate every boundary on their way out. Lose you value and all bets or boundaries are null and void.

Exactly. I agree with you apprenticedj.

Of course she will agree to the terms before the relationship.

Why?

Cause she really likes you. She will do what you want cause she wants to be with you.

After the relationship goes on things might change where she doesn't like you anymore.

That's when your boundary will end cause she will break the terms.

I don't know why it's so hard for some guys to understand the simple concept of attraction and value. They still want to argue with me on that. Crazy!

When you maintain your frame in your relationship with your high value you have nothing to worry about with your woman. She won't need any other men.

I've seen girls who were totally into one guy one day and 3 weeks later they wanted another guy.

You guys think a boundary is going to work for women like that?

Those women don't even know what they want and you are going to rely on their verbal word not cheat if they really want to?

That is not understanding women and living in delusion.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

I might get some flak for this, but I feel like boundaries should be common sense. For example, you shouldn't have to tell your gf to not hang around her ex. If you really have to than you have a ticking time bomb. I put up the motion of dumping my ex when she told me she was going to some club with her friend. I didn't tell her not to do it because she would have found a way to do it behind my back anyway. If she didn't consider this disrespectful than imagine what else she wouldn't consider disrespectful.

 

[Soolaimon]

you're actually completely talking past what we pro boundries people are trying to say. obviously adhering to boundaries themselves is highly conditional on interest level.The purpose of boundaries aside from initial screening and relationship avoidance strategies is to expedite the breakup process in the sense that you will catch her disrespecting you much more easily,earlier, and with more grounds for termination prior to cheating. this has actually work out for me a couple of times in practice. Did she respect my boundaries no of course not. What she did was tip her hand for earlier. I didn't have to catch her cheating. I didn't have to look the other way and play passive aggressive jealousy games. Boundaries are designed to address exactly the situation of the original poster here, he wants to stay with the girl even though she is making him unhappy but he doesn't have the added strength to do it. A blatant ly violated boundary brings resolve.

Please keep all responses short and not written in the manner of an uneducated person.

You are confusing "set boundaries with her" for your own personal conviction.

Every man must have his own set of expectations that he holds firm with how he believes his woman should behave.

When she breaks your code of law she is to be dumped with no questions asked.

When you have a strong frame you are able to do that with no problem.

Sitting her down and defining "your terms" to her of how you expect her to behave prior will not work when she doesn't care to behave in that manner later on. That is a waste of time.

If you believe women should not hang out with another man that is your code.

It is easy to see if she violates that code. If she does you dump her. It isn't that hard to do.

Telling her that hanging out with other men is against "your terms" at the start of the relationshp won't work when she chooses to do so later on.

The same result will occur when she loses interest.

She will agree to your terms if she really wants to be with you.

Later on she wont care to do so when she doesn't want to.

How did your boundaries work out for you when you said your relationship was a bust?

Didn't work out too well did it? Did it change your outcome?

She lost interest and cheated on you anyway even with your boundary.

That will still happen with or without setting a verbal boundary with her.

Your boundary was useless cause it didn't work.

 

[Soolaimon]

What she did was tip her hand for earlier. I didn't have to catch her cheating. I didn't have to look the other way and play passive aggressive jealousy games.

I explained how it changed the outcome, it hastened it which means less sunk costs. Basic common sense. Talk less think more.

You don't need a boundary for that when you have the balls and conviction to dump her ass for breaking your code when you notice her misbehaving.

There is no need to look the other way at all when you are a man of conviction.

You don't need a boundary for that.

That comes from having value, power, experience which I see you don't have.

If you think a boundary will help you when your relationships start to fizzle then more power to you!

The relationship ended whether you had a boundary or not.

The outcome never changed. Your relationship still ended when she was misbehaving and when you decided to dump her.

Can't you understand that?

Your invisible verbal boundary did nothing. It was your own conviction that was your source of action. You don't need a verbal bounday to do that. That comes from being a strong man.

 

[The411]

You don't need a boundary for that when you have the balls and conviction to dump her ass for breaking your code when you notice her misbehaving.

There is no need to look the other way at all when you are a man of conviction.

You don't need a boundary for that.

That comes from having value, power, experience which I see you don't have.

If you think a boundary will help you when your relationships start to fizzle then more power to you!

The relationship ended whether you had a boundary or not.

The outcome never changed. Your relationship still ended when she was misbehaving and when you decided to dump her.

Sooli wouldn't dump her with his no boundaries because he himself is OK with no boundaries so she can do what she wants and he will sit down, suck his thumb in his crib and like it.

Soolis limited weak "value, power and experience" is meaningless to her since she cant take him seriously enough to bother respecting any boundary or lack of with him. Sooli is her temporary cuckold.

She will dump sooli for a masculine man with a boundary she can respect and sooli can't do a thing about it. :yes:

 

[sylvester the cat]

http://youtu.be/xSLlZh9yelk

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Pffft. All these dorks thinking that women think like men and 'love them for who they are' and the right woman will just 'be loyal', because she wuvvs me... oh dear, I suppose these are the same guys that believe in love at first sight, 'just be yourself' and all the other Disney Princess notions :crackup:

How about, I'm on my 4th LTR now and and setting a few ground rules. For the first time in my life, I am in control of the situation, where I was just walked allover by the previous three women in some way shape or form. My new chick actually wants to see me MORE now than when we first met. Why?Because I showed her that I wasn't gonna be like every other beta on the block and let her walk all over me.

So no; having a backbone, holding other people to a few basic standards and respecting yourself enough not to put up with people's sh!t does not scare the women away to the hills.

Having no standards is fine if all you wanna do is f*ck. Some people want relationships though. Those that think their woman is just going to behave, are sorely deluded.

Step up and be a f*cking man about it.

 

[zekko]

Take whatever advice you wish, but bear in mind that it is extremely unlikely that Soolaimon has ever even actually kissed a girl.

 

[VikingKing]

Yes. But you have to figure out how to in your situation. Showing disapproval, and giving less attention when she does somthing you dont like. If she cares, she will figure out what she did wrong and fix it.

 

[jurry]

Pffft. All these dorks thinking that women think like men and 'love them for who they are' and the right woman will just 'be loyal', because she wuvvs me... oh dear, I suppose these are the same guys that believe in love at first sight, 'just be yourself' and all the other Disney Princess notions :crackup:

How about, I'm on my 4th LTR now and and setting a few ground rules. For the first time in my life, I am in control of the situation, where I was just walked allover by the previous three women in some way shape or form. My new chick actually wants to see me MORE now than when we first met. Why?Because I showed her that I wasn't gonna be like every other beta on the block and let her walk all over me.

So no; having a backbone, holding other people to a few basic standards and respecting yourself enough not to put up with people's sh!t does not scare the women away to the hills.

Having no standards is fine if all you wanna do is f*ck. Some people want relationships though. Those that think their woman is just going to behave, are sorely deluded.

Step up and be a f*cking man about it.

Yes but did it happen because you had to say it or because your attitude with women has changed and they can sense it?

This is where the whole confusion lies between the two boundary groups. Myself and sooli and others are absolutely NOT saying that you shouldnt have standards or expectations, simply that there should be no need to vocalize them in the form of a boundary discussion that sounds like something youd have with a child, it will he obvious by how you carry yourself and how you respond to her actions.

If you're having to have this discussion, it means by default she is doing something that you dont like, or else thered be no point to bringing it up. So then why are you with her?

Here is the scenario im envisioning. You are dating a girl who parties all the time has guys all over her but seems to have very high interest in you. She pushes for exclusivity even with all those guys on her facebook or whatever and partying all the time. Either you trust her and have your own girls hitting you up whatever, enough to not be worried about it, OR you do not trust her and there are red flags. That seems like a simple yes or no to me, although probably not such a simple no if she is a babe and you dont have any options..

Now some guys apparently at this point (who obviously do not trust her) would say "ok but you have to do xyz, stop partying, hanging with them, etc.". Personally, I would never want to start out a relationship by changing or trying to change the person to that degree. If you are not ok with those things, then find someone else! Why swim against the tide? To me this is coming from a position of weakness and scarcity, and is just asking for trouble.

"Buy a relationship, dont build it."

 

[zekko]

Here is the scenario im envisioning. You are dating a girl who parties all the time has guys all over her but seems to have very high interest in you. She pushes for exclusivity even with all those guys on her facebook or whatever and partying all the time.

As a part of the "pro boundary" crowd, I don't really want to drag all that stuff out again, but let me speak to that scenario:

I would never seriously date a girl who was that into partying. When I was a young lad I went out with my share of party girls, but I never took them seriously. And certainly by the time I was 29 I was way over that scene, and there's no way such a girl could have held my interest. By that time I was far more into improving my life.

 

[LondonTowers]

Yes but did it happen because you had to say it or because your attitude with women has changed and they can sense it?

This is where the whole confusion lies between the two boundary groups. Myself and sooli and others are absolutely NOT saying that you shouldnt have standards or expectations, simply that there should be no need to vocalize them in the form of a boundary discussion that sounds like something youd have with a child, it will he obvious by how you carry yourself and how you respond to her actions.

If you're having to have this discussion, it means by default she is doing something that you dont like, or else thered be no point to bringing it up. So then why are you with her?

Here is the scenario im envisioning. You are dating a girl who parties all the time has guys all over her but seems to have very high interest in you. She pushes for exclusivity even with all those guys on her facebook or whatever and partying all the time. Either you trust her and have your own girls hitting you up whatever, enough to not be worried about it, OR you do not trust her and there are red flags. That seems like a simple yes or no to me, although probably not such a simple no if she is a babe and you dont have any options..

Now some guys apparently at this point (who obviously do not trust her) would say "ok but you have to do xyz, stop partying, hanging with them, etc.". Personally, I would never want to start out a relationship by changing or trying to change the person to that degree. If you are not ok with those things, then find someone else! Why swim against the tide? To me this is coming from a position of weakness and scarcity, and is just asking for trouble.

"Buy a relationship, dont build it."

^ This

That party girl, you would know is not LTR material and you would just fuk her. Because you understand your OWN boundaries, she will implicitly know she is unable to get you into a LTR because your own standards would come off in your character.

If she really likes you, she will understand this and know the only way she can capture you for anything more than just fuking would be to up her standards to the level were yours are. This will automatically either make her drop her orbiters and change her approach to validate herself to you or she will not. Either way you win.

You must know you OWN boundaries and a girl must reach those heights to get anywhere serious with you.

I think a lot of guys just don't have enough personal standards and boundaries and live by them. If you did, this whole boundary thing would be a non issue. A girl either meets those standards and has an opportunity for exclusivity or she doesn't and will at best only ever stay in FB territory.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

setting boundaries is like hiring a former shop lifter and directly telling him not to steal on the job. He should already know this is a fireable offense just by having common sense. If you seriously had to tell him that than you made a bad hire.