How to get rid of unrealistic thoughts/fantasies?

[searching solace]

Sometimes I find myself fantasising about certain things - and I realise a little bit of everyday fantasy is normal - but I'm talking about unrealistic thought processes and narcissistic reveries which take you far from reality and ultimately waste your time and even raise false perceptions, hopes and expectations.

An example: I received an unprovoked but very flattering compliment in a bar from an attractive girl I work with last week who has a boyfriend (and is very happy with him). Stemming from that one interaction, I have found myself developing a 'crush' on her, wondering what the compliment really meant, picturing what it might be like to be with her, to seduce her, what if she were to dump her boyfriend, imagining the next thing I might say to her etc etc... It's a complete waste of time - I am aware I am reading way too far into it - and I want to kill these thought processes completely and at the root. How do you do this?

After a particularly good day at work I might find myself thinking too highly of myself, wondering what people might say about me in my absence, wondering how I am perceived, am I coming across as well as I feel I might be?... After a good session spent in the gym or at boxing class, I might find myself walking around thinking I look better than I know I do, thinking I look more attractive than I know I am, more skilful than I actually am.

I have never really thought this way before and I do not like it. It hinders any real progress and is getting me caught up in thinking of how other's perceive me.

As good as these fantasies and thoughts might feel at the time, I understand they probably stem from a poor sense of self - and I do not want this false perception of self and of reality. Sounds strange but I want to remind myself that I am not special.

How do you give yourself a reality check and stop yourself from desiring that which you cannot have or assuming that of yourself which is not true? Are these kind of thoughts natures way of keeping us going?

TLDR: When you find yourself walking around fantasising about girls you will never have or thinking too highly of yourself with little reason to be doing so, how do you stop this completely?

 

[Shift]

You can never think too highly of yourself in my opinion. As for fantasizing about ones you can't have, you have to build the mindset that there are tons of girls out there that you are compatible with. I caught myself doing that just the other day, a little bit of meditation cleared it right up.

From a young age we are fed lies of "one true love" from fairy tales and Hollywood. This conditioning can cause us to obsess over one particular girl. If we learn to override that mindset, and keep in mind that there are thousands of women out there that we are compatible with, the obsession goes away.

 

[Serenity]

Recognize the the fact that it's unrealistic, feel the disappointment and let that negative feeling taint your fantasy. If it feels like sh!t you'll quickly stop doing this, just like you'll quickly stop touching a hot plate because it fvcking hurts.

You already know what's reality and what's fantasy, you couldn't make this post if you didn't. Just see reality as more important than fantasy, problem solved.

 

[El Payaso]

The fact that you're aware of it is a good first step. Acknowledging it is helpful.

All you can do is snap yourself out of it wherever you find yourself fantasizing in that manner.

Learn to recognize some tell signs/triggers that drag you into fantasy land and work on controlling your thought process when you experience a trigger.

I should also add that a lack of options in regards to women can lead to fantasizing about one woman obsessively.

 

[Konada]

Spin plates.

Also, if you think you are as good as you perceive yourself to be. Put yourself out there and observe the results.

A good sense of self comes from an ontological precision of both your internal and external world. Any differences causes cognitive dissonance, who knows. Either way, you will start building a stronger self through building yourself up to your perceived value or realize that what you have believed all along is right/lesser.

 

[searching solace]

Excellent responses, thank you guys!

I generally find people with an inflated sense of self importance and grandiosity really off-putting and wouldn't want to fall into this category - disappointingly however, these are often the kind of people that I see succeed almost every week, especially within the industry I work in.

I think the reason I let myself muse over this one girl in particular and her compliment is that she's the first girl I have been able to feel the slightest thing for since a very damaging breakup 10 months ago, which caused me to question everything about myself. So on one hand, it's quite nice to be able to think of someone else for a change, even if nothing will ever come of it. But I guess this can only be 'healthy' for so long.. perhaps it's not healthy to begin with, I'm not sure.

Will try to move forward in the manner you have suggested. I suppose disappointment and self-regulation is better than living in dissonance.