how to get rid of "inner-termoils?"

[john_1234]

i've been focused on inner-game. if i were to cold-approach a girl and get rejected before, it would linger on my mind and i'd feel ****ty. now if i get rejected, it doesn't effect me at all

but something that still effects me, something referred to as an "inner-termoil," is that i'll do/say something dumb w/ people i know personally, and instead of brushing it off like if i were to get rejected by a girl i don't know, it lingers on my mind and it'd effect me in a negative way. i want to be able to not let petty things effect me, just like getting rejected during a cold-approach. i goal is to not sweat the small stuff and to have a more "don't give a f***" attitude. what are some good ways to train my mind for this? nlp?

 

[poohead]

in therapy they teach you about a thing called 'cognitive distortions' - there are a variety of these, they are basically modes of negative thinking that are basically irrational - these are the source of all 'negative self talk'. learning to recognize cognitive distortions and replacing them with positive self talk - this is the key to mastering your inner dialogue, and ultimately, your self esteem.

there is a book called 'feeling good' by david burns, among other things, it teaches you a technique to train yourself to cut out all cognitive distortions and replace them with healthy thinking. you probably can google this w/o having to buy the book, but it's a good read.

 

[john_1234]

after you recommended this book, i checked out the reviews posted on amazon.com and decided to buy it. thank you poohead for giving me a heads up about this book. i am so happy i found it. i've made made incredible progress with my "inner-termoils" and i'm not even halfway done with the book yet. curious, but have any of you out there went through the exercises in the book? certainly helps you see things in a brand new, rational, more empowering light.

 

[DarkLight]

Ya, looks to be a good book.
Bout to check it out 2.

On a sidenote... isn't this the book, the therapist in the Real World, reccomended to Paula Walnutz!? lol
(saw that sh!t the otherday)

 

[poohead]

it is a standard book in psychology circles.

i do the cognitive distortion inventory 10 mins a day - and it has made all the difference. i literally think differently now, and i'm a lot more positive person.

if you have any really deep rooted turmoils that need more work to remove, i recommend regular therapy and this technique called 'EMDR'. you will have to read about it - but it has really helped me to come to grips with a lot of bad things from my past that were affecting my present reality.

 

[DanelMadr]

i've been focused on inner-game. if i were to cold-approach a girl and get rejected before, it would linger on my mind and i'd feel ****ty. now if i get rejected, it doesn't effect me at all

but something that still effects me, something referred to as an "inner-termoil," is that i'll do/say something dumb w/ people i know personally, and instead of brushing it off like if i were to get rejected by a girl i don't know, it lingers on my mind and it'd effect me in a negative way. i want to be able to not let petty things effect me, just like getting rejected during a cold-approach. i goal is to not sweat the small stuff and to have a more "don't give a f***" attitude. what are some good ways to train my mind for this? nlp?

It is wise to use your ears more than mouth, thats why we have two ears and one mouth. If you say something inappropriate, It helps to tell them 'Sorry' if its really that bad or just tell yourself...maybe louder: ' Fvck'em' or 'Fvck all'.

 

[mrRuckus]

It is wise to use your ears more than mouth, thats why we have two ears and one mouth

And all this time I thought it was to pinpoint the location of sounds.