How to get power in this relationship

[baseballa25]

Hey guys, me and this girl are seeing each other..not technically dating, but we agreed to be exclusive. We both go to the same college and we do like each other.

However, I feel like she has the ability to spin me any time she wants, and it bugs me but she's very good at it. She is very good at playing games and keeping me interested, and she is very attractive and there are plenty of other guys interested in her.

How do I gain power in this relationship while not risking her walking away?

 

[horaholic]

You have to be willing to walk away, and she has to know it.

 

[jophil28]

How do I gain power in this relationship while not risking her walking away?

You have already given your power away in your mindset. You believe that "taking a stand" will result in her leaving you so you are walking on eggs, right? I know that this is true otherwise you would not have started this thread.
You are really asking how to get your power BACK .

Firstly all power acquistions involve risk. The risk is that the other person will leave the game when they realize that you are taking control. Unless you are willing to lose her, you are not suited to playing this game.
Secondly, power (the FRAME) is established from the first microsecond that you meet.
If you give it away to her by being compliant ,it is hell's own job to reclaim it later.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Hey guys, me and this girl are seeing each other..not technically dating, but we agreed to be exclusive.

Why do I suspect that you were the person who initiated this arrangement?

Oh right....because you said THIS.

How do I gain power in this relationship while not risking her walking away?

As the other guys already said, you have to be able to risk her walking away.

It doesn't mean PUSH her away. But you have to accept your role as the ruler of your world. That means she's entering your world, and if she doesn't play by your rules, then she can get the F out.

Those games she's been playing? You don't play those anymore. If she's flaky about plans with you, you can't get mad. In fact, if she does anything to provoke you, you cannot give an emotional reaction. She needs to understand that she doesn't control your frame.

Basically, the main thing she needs to understand is, the show goes on without her. She can't make it out for beers tonight? Fine. You're going out anyway. She tries to provoke you by saying, "Baseballa, you want to be a pro ball player? I'm not sure if you're strong enough for that." You brush it off like, "Right. I'll take that into consideration. So, what you been up to?"

She has to see that you're unshakeable and that what she says/does has little impact on you.

There have been situations where I've wanted to choke the s*** out of girls, but the only response they get out of me is "Right. That's cool."

Hah...I was at some party with my last gf (now an ex), and I was off talking to some girl. Not even flirting. Just talking. My ex says, "I bet you want to f**k that girl don't you." I say, "Not really. Do you?" She says, "That's fine. A couple guys here have been hitting on me." I say, "Oh yeah? I bet they are. I would too."

Crap like that drives these game-playing girls nuts. They thrive on controlling men's anger, sex drive, love, etc. Take it away, and there goes their power.

 

[Romjuan]

Why do I suspect that you were the person who initiated this arrangement?

Oh right....because you said THIS.



As the other guys already said, you have to be able to risk her walking away.

It doesn't mean PUSH her away. But you have to accept your role as the ruler of your world. That means she's entering your world, and if she doesn't play by your rules, then she can get the F out.

Those games she's been playing? You don't play those anymore. If she's flaky about plans with you, you can't get mad. In fact, if she does anything to provoke you, you cannot give an emotional reaction. She needs to understand that she doesn't control your frame.

Basically, the main thing she needs to understand is, the show goes on without her. She can't make it out for beers tonight? Fine. You're going out anyway. She tries to provoke you by saying, "Baseballa, you want to be a pro ball player? I'm not sure if you're strong enough for that." You brush it off like, "Right. I'll take that into consideration. So, what you been up to?"

She has to see that you're unshakeable and that what she says/does has little impact on you.

There have been situations where I've wanted to choke the s*** out of girls, but the only response they get out of me is "Right. That's cool."

Hah...I was at some party with my last gf (now an ex), and I was off talking to some girl. Not even flirting. Just talking. My ex says, "I bet you want to f**k that girl don't you." I say, "Not really. Do you?" She says, "That's fine. A couple guys here have been hitting on me." I say, "Oh yeah? I bet they are. I would too."

Crap like that drives these game-playing girls nuts. They thrive on controlling men's anger, sex drive, love, etc. Take it away, and there goes their power.

this is good stuff. another thing to add which im recently learning is the "agree and escalate." She says something like, " i cant meet up with you tonite, my guy friend Jason needs me for girl advice." you- "thats a good idea(agree). Try flirting with him a little bit, it will most likely help him get over his girl problems. (escalate)"

 

[Zarky]

How do I gain power in this relationship while not risking her walking away?

You want to gain without risking? You've lost already.

You're "not dating" but you're "exclusive?" Back to bootcamp for you, on a game scale from 0-10 you're at 0.