"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
how to get ex back
- Thread starter newbeginning
- Start date
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
You don't. You don't try. You don't give her the time of day. You don't care. You just don't.
If she has any interest in you, she will come back only when you're finished and done with her. That's it. You don't have to do anything, but put an end to all your AFCism and stop trying. Women are easy when you don't give a damn. So, don't give a damn. That's what they really want. They want you back once they don't have control over you anymore.
I would say good luck, but no luck is needed.
If she doesn't care when you don't anymore, then YAY! You're on your way to getting a better woman for yourself.
If she has any interest in you, she will come back only when you're finished and done with her. That's it. You don't have to do anything, but put an end to all your AFCism and stop trying. Women are easy when you don't give a damn. So, don't give a damn. That's what they really want. They want you back once they don't have control over you anymore.
I would say good luck, but no luck is needed.
If she doesn't care when you don't anymore, then YAY! You're on your way to getting a better woman for yourself.
She didnt have feeling for you. She's moved on but she just loves the sexual part of the relatonship so you did something right....
On another note you could use her as a fvck buddy which will cause more problems in the future (i.e. her emotional roller coaster of crying etc.) or you can MOVE ON.
Like I said, I believe she has lost feelings for you but just wants the sex
On another note you could use her as a fvck buddy which will cause more problems in the future (i.e. her emotional roller coaster of crying etc.) or you can MOVE ON.
Like I said, I believe she has lost feelings for you but just wants the sex
newbeginning
Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2003
- Messages
- 77
- Reaction score
- 3
- Age
- 43
She keeps reminding me that we are just friends and that she's happy with the decision she's made; at the same time she would call and want to talk and hang out. She also says that she enjoys my company and thats it.
If she did move on completely then why does she still want to hang out? My guess is that she still has a soft spot and that she is very comfortable being around me. Should i keep hanging out with her and pretend that i dont care (i.e. just have a good old time and no affectionate, emotional display)? or should i just cut off contact altogether? I'm scared that if i do cut it off, then she would meet someone else and move on for good.
If she did move on completely then why does she still want to hang out? My guess is that she still has a soft spot and that she is very comfortable being around me. Should i keep hanging out with her and pretend that i dont care (i.e. just have a good old time and no affectionate, emotional display)? or should i just cut off contact altogether? I'm scared that if i do cut it off, then she would meet someone else and move on for good.
TheBaconator
Senior Don Juan
First thing you need to do is accept that she is gone and there's about a .01 chance she's coming back to you.newbeginning said:
She has probably already met someone else but is not sure yet if the grass is truly greener on the other side. Either that or she wants you around as her emotional tampon. By hanging around you make the transition easier for her, by showing that you will always be around to put up with her sh*t, and to relieve whatever guilt she has in doing this to you.
Any way you go about seeing her will most likley end up bad. Best case for you she hooks up with a couple of jerks and realizes you are the best she can do for now, that will only bury the problem for now, and will give her all the power in the relationship. Sooner or later she will meet some new and mysterous guy and you will be back to square one with all this.
Once she has lost high interest level it's definetly not going to come back if you sit around and wait for her. The only way to get that level back would be to get rid of her for the time being and work on yourself, and in time if she comes around you show her that you're not her disposable toy.
But in reality, why would you wanna be with a girl you have to convice to want you all over again? She knows who you are and apparently that isn't enough for her right now, so your best bet is to move on to bigger and better things.
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
WC2
Master Don Juan
You need to come to grips with the fact that she in all likely hood is not attracted to you anymore. She wants to hangout because she is lonely, not because she still likes you. Comfortable? That's always a tricky word because women are comfortable with friends more than lovers. Lovers don't provide comfort; they provide excitement and a sense of happiness.newbeginning said:
I'll tell you from experience that there is a higher chance of her falling for someone else if you keep latched on, as opposed to cutting off contact. If you latch on, she will just use you for your emotions and will soon start looking for someone else. Trust me, it happens all the time to guys. If you cut contact off and tell her that you think things aren't working out, chances are she will come around. If she doesn't, then she wasn't really interested all that much in the first place and you should look for a better woman.
Every time you hang out with this girl you're just digging yourself a deeper hole for heartbreak.
KontrollerX
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2005
- Messages
- 4,476
- Reaction score
- 182
"If she did move on completely then why does she still want to hang out? My guess is that she still has a soft spot and that she is very comfortable being around me. Should i keep hanging out with her and pretend that i dont care (i.e. just have a good old time and no affectionate, emotional display)? or should i just cut off contact altogether? I'm scared that if i do cut it off, then she would meet someone else and move on for good."
Cut off contact altogether.
If she is not saying what you want to hear ie "I want to fvck you and be only with you as your girlfriend newbeginning" then you walk completely out of her life.
Staying around her just means she gets all of the emotional intimacy from you or just the good company of your being around her and making her laugh while you get none of what you really want from her.
You get none of what you really want from her while some other guy is fvcking her and using her body up while when she's with you, you get the honor of giving her that fake smile and doing the dog and pony show so she is entertained. You get the honor of playing the fake friend AFC orbiter and no man in reality wants that and yes this kind of friendship is fake because you are not being friends for a genuine reason but hoping to catch her in a vulnerable moment where she might take you back or hoping to prove your worth to her so she might take you back in the future and either of these scenarios makes the friendship fake because you have ulterior motives other than friendship with it.
Fvck that sh!t and move on.
She knows what she has to do to have you in her life and if she doesn't do it you are better off finding someone else.
Cut off contact altogether.
If she is not saying what you want to hear ie "I want to fvck you and be only with you as your girlfriend newbeginning" then you walk completely out of her life.
Staying around her just means she gets all of the emotional intimacy from you or just the good company of your being around her and making her laugh while you get none of what you really want from her.
You get none of what you really want from her while some other guy is fvcking her and using her body up while when she's with you, you get the honor of giving her that fake smile and doing the dog and pony show so she is entertained. You get the honor of playing the fake friend AFC orbiter and no man in reality wants that and yes this kind of friendship is fake because you are not being friends for a genuine reason but hoping to catch her in a vulnerable moment where she might take you back or hoping to prove your worth to her so she might take you back in the future and either of these scenarios makes the friendship fake because you have ulterior motives other than friendship with it.
Fvck that sh!t and move on.
She knows what she has to do to have you in her life and if she doesn't do it you are better off finding someone else.
dannyegg4575
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2007
- Messages
- 311
- Reaction score
- 11
I'm going to try and explain how I see it. I've been a dumper in the past so i know what it's like being the one who walked away. I went through a small phase of stupidity when my ex and I broke up. My ego is bigger than i thought.
Lets put it this way. when you're a dumper, you feel invincible. You have a feeling that you're attractive enough that someone else would come along very quickly. hence, this is the reason that women do most of the dumping. you feel great for awhile. You really do. Could be days, weeks or even months.
But something strange happens one day when you no longer have that feeling. All of a sudden, you start feeling like you're missing something. It just doesn't make much sense. then, all of a sudden, you see your ex. And the weirdest thing happens. you start peaking into her life and wonder what she's up to. May not necessarily care about them but curiosity drives you to check up on them. At that point, you might to be friends or just to say hi. And the only thing that can work is when you start to miss her. That is when the walk away start to feel nostalgic.
But if the walk away never gets to go through that and continues to see how right she is for walking away, she will never get to experience that. In her mind, all she thinks is "wow, I'm glad i got rid of that loser."
do you get it? When a woman wants to leave you, she wants to leave you because she feels suffocated or thinks that someone else is better than you. The exact same way you would feel if you want to walk away from the woman because you feel that someone else might be better.
when she realizes how great things were when you were together, how much she misses you, then and only then will she see the foolish beat of her heart in wanting out.
Lets put it this way. when you're a dumper, you feel invincible. You have a feeling that you're attractive enough that someone else would come along very quickly. hence, this is the reason that women do most of the dumping. you feel great for awhile. You really do. Could be days, weeks or even months.
But something strange happens one day when you no longer have that feeling. All of a sudden, you start feeling like you're missing something. It just doesn't make much sense. then, all of a sudden, you see your ex. And the weirdest thing happens. you start peaking into her life and wonder what she's up to. May not necessarily care about them but curiosity drives you to check up on them. At that point, you might to be friends or just to say hi. And the only thing that can work is when you start to miss her. That is when the walk away start to feel nostalgic.
But if the walk away never gets to go through that and continues to see how right she is for walking away, she will never get to experience that. In her mind, all she thinks is "wow, I'm glad i got rid of that loser."
do you get it? When a woman wants to leave you, she wants to leave you because she feels suffocated or thinks that someone else is better than you. The exact same way you would feel if you want to walk away from the woman because you feel that someone else might be better.
when she realizes how great things were when you were together, how much she misses you, then and only then will she see the foolish beat of her heart in wanting out.
newbeginning
Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2003
- Messages
- 77
- Reaction score
- 3
- Age
- 43
update:
I called yesterday to see how she's doing. I set a limit of 10 minutes. I was very upbeat and made her laugh the whole time. I then abruptly said i gotta get some sleep. She begged for 5 more minutes w/ me on the phone. I gave her the 5 extra minutes. Was this a good move?
I wont contact her much, but when i do, i will make sure that its the best 10 minutes of her day.
I called yesterday to see how she's doing. I set a limit of 10 minutes. I was very upbeat and made her laugh the whole time. I then abruptly said i gotta get some sleep. She begged for 5 more minutes w/ me on the phone. I gave her the 5 extra minutes. Was this a good move?
I wont contact her much, but when i do, i will make sure that its the best 10 minutes of her day.
Yes, it was wrong. You are rewarding her for bad behavior towards you. If she is dumping you and keeping you as a friend, she is only trying to keep you around until she has fully moved on to the next guy.newbeginning said:
You should not call her. You punish for bad behavior by withdrawing your time and attention towards her. She doesn't want you, so why give her anything? Let her claw her way back into your life if she really wants to be in it. It's the only way to regain her respect for you. You can only gain her respect by having your own. You have to have boundaries that tell her that she has crossed the line, and when they have been crossed, you walk away. The fear of you being gone as a result of her disrespect is the only way to get her to respect you.
Don't be be a fool. Don't be weak.
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
dannyegg4575
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2007
- Messages
- 311
- Reaction score
- 11
Mantra for newbeginning...
"UNLESS IT'S CATASTROPHIC, I WILL NEVER CALL HER AGAIN. i will wait until she calls me, IF she calls me."
You did the right thing for being bright and shinny. You let her know that you're ok with or without her. But you screwed up because you initiated contact. You just gave her more reward for leaving you.
Do what you did by making her laugh when she does contact you. That's it. But don't do more than that. listen guy, the point of no contact is to let her miss you. If she knows you are still not over her, she will have no respect for you. You don't want that right? The last thing a man need to lose his self respect.
"UNLESS IT'S CATASTROPHIC, I WILL NEVER CALL HER AGAIN. i will wait until she calls me, IF she calls me."
You did the right thing for being bright and shinny. You let her know that you're ok with or without her. But you screwed up because you initiated contact. You just gave her more reward for leaving you.
Do what you did by making her laugh when she does contact you. That's it. But don't do more than that. listen guy, the point of no contact is to let her miss you. If she knows you are still not over her, she will have no respect for you. You don't want that right? The last thing a man need to lose his self respect.
newbeginning
Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2003
- Messages
- 77
- Reaction score
- 3
- Age
- 43
update:
i understand what you DJ's are saying about no contact at all. I also know that by calling her i would seem to be vulnerable. I am rewarding her by entertaining her but with limited time. By doing this i believe she will start missing me more.
She JUST called me on my lunch and chatted.
Part of our convo was as follow:
her: "are you missing me today?"
me: "nope"
her: "no seriously, did you miss me today?"
me: "nope"
After a couple of laughs and giggles i told her i gotta finish my lunch.
I think she's starting to miss me. I will only talk to her if she calls.
Most guys she knows are boring and dont know how to turn her on conversationally, i believe this is why she loves talking to me.
Thanks thus far.
i understand what you DJ's are saying about no contact at all. I also know that by calling her i would seem to be vulnerable. I am rewarding her by entertaining her but with limited time. By doing this i believe she will start missing me more.
She JUST called me on my lunch and chatted.
Part of our convo was as follow:
her: "are you missing me today?"
me: "nope"
her: "no seriously, did you miss me today?"
me: "nope"
After a couple of laughs and giggles i told her i gotta finish my lunch.
I think she's starting to miss me. I will only talk to her if she calls.
Most guys she knows are boring and dont know how to turn her on conversationally, i believe this is why she loves talking to me.
Thanks thus far.
dannyegg4575
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2007
- Messages
- 311
- Reaction score
- 11
You're doing well bro. hang in there.
don't go wussy on me or I'll come kick your ass
don't go wussy on me or I'll come kick your ass
Blue Phoenix
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2004
- Messages
- 1,335
- Reaction score
- 27
Mav you hit the nail on the head!
She cannot love you if she does not respect you!
Sh!t, you can entertain her as a friend, and as long as you keep talking to her in a friendship manner, and that's where she'll stick you. Be careful that she is not keeping you around as a friend while she is weening herself off of you. Being entertaining will only get you so far, but being worthy of more will get you where you want to be. You have to believe you deserve more from her and anyone else, and if they aren't giving you what you deserve, someone else will.
She will not realize what she has lost until it's gone.
She will not realize what she has lost until it's gone.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
MacAvoy
Banned
You really need to share more details about your history with this girl for us to give you better advice. However you really really need to go NO CONTACT. Its the only proven way.
Here is a recent example of when a guy went no contact, she started calling him and emailing him like crazy. Your only pushing yourself further into the friendzone on your current path.
You can either take our advice and succeed or you can learn the hard way, its your choice. Don't make me feel like I wasted this post. Mavrick's last line is gold as well, its so true.
Here is a recent example of when a guy went no contact, she started calling him and emailing him like crazy. Your only pushing yourself further into the friendzone on your current path.
You can either take our advice and succeed or you can learn the hard way, its your choice. Don't make me feel like I wasted this post. Mavrick's last line is gold as well, its so true.
Here are some great tips from none other than the "Quick Tips" section:
Breaking Up Is an Essential Part of Many Relationships
How to Handle Being Dumped
Breaking Up Is an Essential Part of Many Relationships
How to Handle Being Dumped
She's not coming back to you. Accept this.newbeginning said:
Right now, she has the best of both worlds - freedom to scout out a new guy, and emotional/sexual support from you when she wants it. Once the new guy comes into the picture, you are history!
Are you going to let her do this to you? Keep your hopes up until she dumps you completely? No, cut her off now and walk away with some dignity.
you are playng in her terms
newbeginning....
It's so sad to see you are acting the exact opposite way people are advising you to act in this case.
Maybe you don't understand. Maybe you think that IT'LL BE JUST THE SAME if you CONTINUE contacting her, making her laugh, play in these gray areas.
You are missing a GREAT OPPORTUNITY by not cutting her off immediately...
The sooner you learn this the better.
Talking to her 10 minutes everyday is ONLY gonna help her, until eventually she dumps you forever.
If you go on like this, you'll remember this day, and you'll regret you didn't cut loose at the right time.
This is the perfect moment. Don't let her play with you, YOU DUMP HER now!
It's high time buddy.
newbeginning....
It's so sad to see you are acting the exact opposite way people are advising you to act in this case.
Maybe you don't understand. Maybe you think that IT'LL BE JUST THE SAME if you CONTINUE contacting her, making her laugh, play in these gray areas.
You are missing a GREAT OPPORTUNITY by not cutting her off immediately...
The sooner you learn this the better.
Talking to her 10 minutes everyday is ONLY gonna help her, until eventually she dumps you forever.
If you go on like this, you'll remember this day, and you'll regret you didn't cut loose at the right time.
This is the perfect moment. Don't let her play with you, YOU DUMP HER now!
It's high time buddy.
Bible_Belt
Master Don Juan
If you are not fvcking other women, just like she is probably screwing other guys, then you are only pretending. Being with other girls will make you truly aloof - you don't have to fake it, and it works a lot better as well. And you get new pvssy. Like Chris Rock says, "New pvssy always clears the mind."
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.