How to get better at small talk?

[MightyOracle]

I am improving many aspects of my life, but small talk seems to be lagging behind.

Approaching is not a problem, as I have no problem approaching people and people approach me.
I can start a conversation, but I soon run out of conversation material, and it feels kinda awkward ...

Do you have any tips to fix this issue of mine?

 

[bigneil]

Yes. Don't. Let them small talk. You only ask questions to keep them talking about themselves. Steer the conversation away from bad things.

Her: "I had an abusive childhood"
You: "Your eye shadow matches your blouse"

Be mindful of the words you use. Say "You're welcome" (two good words) versus "No problem" (two bad words). Say "I like you" not "I don't dislike you".

 

[RedZone]

Open ended questions might work for this.

 

[Roober]

If she has any personality, open ended questions will keep her going. Big thing for me is if women can carry a conversation, it shows how much they know about the world. If all they can talk about is work, or their kids, that speaks volumes. I like women that can think and actually have a personality. Hard to find in the younger generations...

I like questions like...
1) what do you think of ...?
2) Create some fictional scenario, and ask them about it... "Imagine if we didn't have cell phones..."
3) hopes and dreams really gets women going...

Talk about FORD (Family, occupation, recreation, dreams)
DONT talk about RAPE (Religion, Abortion, Politics, Exes)

 

[skinnyguy]

Start negging and use C+F. You will stand out and she won't get bored. If in doubt, lie to make the conversation going. Girls are dumb so they won't know if you lie.

 

[MightyOracle]

@bigneil Isn't the transition from abusive childhood to eye shadow a bit too harsh?

@skinnyguy what does C+F mean?

In other words, just fuel her talking.
I see now that there is already a tread for this http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/how-to-get-better-at-approaching-girls.238090/

 

[hockeyfreak79]

@bigneil Isn't the transition from abusive childhood to eye shadow a bit too harsh?

@skinnyguy what does C+F mean?

In other words, just fuel her talking.
I see now that there is already a tread for this http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/how-to-get-better-at-approaching-girls.238090/

C+F is c0cky & funny.

The humurous part about this is once you build up rapport with a broad you can't get them to shut up.

Watch some stand up comedy on Netflix. There's tons on there. You don't have to be a dancing monkey or jokester. But just being witty or even sometimes sarcastic can be fun and goes a long way.

 

[Glassguy]

Just get her taking and she will tell you everything you want to know without even realizing it. Pay attention. She is giving you the ammo to shoot back with later.

Her: blah blah blah......
Me: really? How is that?
Her: blah blah blah
Me: tell me about ______
Her: blah blah blah

I try not to volunteer any info on myself unless she asks. Can't be a mystery if you're unveiling info.

There are some shy girls out there, but they are far and few between. Especially once you pull their string and get them going.

Normally, the quicker they feel comfortable talking to you, the quicker they feel comfortable dropping their panties.

 

[BeExcellent]

I highly recommend a book written by an engineer geek who struggled with the same problem.

The Fine Art of Small Talk by Debra Fine

It is an excellent guide.

 

[MightyOracle]

Thank you for all the advice.

Started reading "The Fine Art of Small Talk by Debra Fine", might just be the resource I needed.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Reminds me of a POF date I had last night. Might be one of the most boring chicks I ever met. I think I would rather take a bath in boiling hot coffee then hang around her again. I should of guessed from the way the text messages were going that a fly had more personality then she did

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Thank you for all the advice.

Started reading "The Fine Art of Small Talk by Debra Fine", might just be the resource I needed.

Maintain your frame and don't over think. Pauses in conversation are fine. Those pauses allow you space to create new questions or directions you can take the conversation. Be mindful, relax and don't overthink

 

[ubercat]

Good book. I d also suggest Leil Lowndes stuff. And an oldie but goodie How to instantly connect with anyone. As an American u have an advantage. There s good info in various books but I find it hard to concentrate through their over hyped delivery.

 

[MightyOracle]

What does a POF date mean?
Also frame?

Yes, overthinking can be a problem ...

Leil Lowndes has an impressive portfolio, will check her stuff too.

 

[sph21]

How to get better at small talk?

1. Listen carefully to what she's saying. If you really listen to what she is saying, you will notice some small missing details in her words. This is your chance to ask open ended questions
2. Be more interested in other persons. It shows you care enough to them
3. Be comfortable with small pauses. Don't try to fill in the blank just because you're uncomfortable with the situation
4. Steer away from negative talks such as ex boyfriend, weather, politics, etc. If you talk about these things, then it shows how lifeless you are
5. Don't talk like robots. Do not use unnecessary filler words such as 'uhm', 'eerr'. (I'm not sure how to write them correctly because English is not my first language )
6. Talk with clarity so she won't be distracted by how unclear your voice is
7. Ask open ended questions. Close ended questions will guarantee you to get an awkward situation, while open ended questions will make you a more likeable person
8. Pay attention small details in the past. What is the better way of showing that you care for them than remembering a small detail they said in the past?
9. Let them talk about themselves. Most people don't really care about others. Most people are craving to be listened to.
10. Find an interesting topic from their lives and keep digging it. You'll know it's an interesting topic to her life by listening how she tells the details from the topic. You can find this sweet spot by asking, what is her hobby or 'what do you do for life' and then follow up with 'why did you choose this path?'
11. Don't avoid making eye contact when you are talking with someone. Girls think you're creepy if you don't look at them in the eyes while talking
12. Do not be afraid to be intimate through your words or your body language while talking to her
13. Relax and don't over think of what to say or do next. Let her know that she can relax too by you being relaxed. Girls read body language better than men
14. Don't be too easy to tell her your whole life story to her. If you're too easy, she will get bored sooner than your expectations. Don't tell her your whole life story sooner just because you want her to accept who you are as soon as you can. Be patient and be a challenge
15. Build momentum. Don't decide to use small talk only when you're talking to girls. Use small talk when you're talking to everyone, everyday.

That's all I can think right now. Most of them are related to how to be charismatic. It's almost 3 am here and I might be missing something behind.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Read the news. I like Google News. It never hurts to be well-read, but most women are only interested in celebrity gossip. I've stooped as low as to read the headlines on people.com to have something to talk about.