I came across a blog that has some great articles. I wanted to share this one, because it really hits home to me. This is exactly how I have felt lately, and his response to the question he was asked is really helpful. If you get a chance, check out his other stuff, too:
http://www.bradbranson.com/how-to-get-a-stunner-girlfriend-make-girls-sad/
http://www.bradbranson.com/how-to-get-a-stunner-girlfriend-make-girls-sad/
A common “quality” problem that a lot of guys have once they get some success with women, is that they start dating great women. Haha
But once you taste the fruit, you want more.
You come to realize that you are entitled to the best, and certain girls fall to the wayside.
This obviously is going to create painful situations for the girls that try to tie you down.
They finally find a guy that’s the “full package” yet he is unattainable.
Here’s one of my former students going through a similar dilemma, and my response.
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Hey Brad,
Since I came from the bootcamp I dated 3 girls. I sort of forced myself into it. The “problem” is this: they were all cute and nice but not really my ideal.
Eventually I just couldn’t feel enough attraction for them. Logically all were nice girls without any psycho problems and all theoretically “marriable” in the long term.
But I realized through these experiences that I am extremely visual and if there’s something I don’t like – not a really beautiful face, not really slim and proportionate body, I just lose the feeling.
The problem then is this: when I break up with them, they are of course devastated. And I don’t like that.
So I am sort of stuck: if I don’t date, it’ sucks. If I date and then let them go, they suffer and I don’t like that either.
Maybe one night stands are the only way to make these short term adventures work? I see that if I date a girl even just for a short time (I met one girl 4 times and we ended up in bed and she became so passionate and obsessed that I had to break up with her immediately the next day. Otherwise the pain of breaking up after a month or so would be even greater for her.)
So I might look only for my ideal girl because that’s where I really feel the passion and attraction. It’s a tough one though because I like really the super good looking ones.
And I might also go out and look only for a “pull” like you call it. How do girls react after the “pull”?
Happy holidays to you too and keep up the good stuff you write about!
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There are a couple of things that come to mind when I read this question.
It happens often to guys as they start getting good results.
First things first, how are you framing the relationship?
If you want exclusivity, that is cool, but it also might be a good idea to keep the relationship more casual so you don’t have to make a decision so quickly about how serious you want the relationship to be.
A lot of times when girls get really clingy real fast, it is more an issue of what the GUY projects as opposed to what she wants.
Yes, most girls, when they find an amazing guy, want to try and pin him down.
But if you create the proper framework from the beginning, and act congruent with this, you mitigate a lot of these types of problems.
I know that I am probably one of the most “eligible bachelors” most girls will ever meet, but if a girl starts dating me, she also realizes based on my travel schedule, how I act around her and other girls, and the stories I tell, that she is going to have a REALLY hard time reigning me in.
Most girls just think it’s out of the question.
Knowing your travel schedule (the former student travels a lot), and the tangible things you have going for you, it shouldn’t be too hard to create a similar context.
If you are traveling all the time, a girl should realize that nothing is going to be long term with you, unless YOU make that decision.
Again, a lot of times a girl gets confused though, because most guys don’t have an example of how to interact with a girl besides traditional monogamous relationships, and Hollywood.
You can’t fall into boyfriend/girlfriend like habits like holding hands, and buying dinners, unless it’s incorporated with slapping them on the ass and telling her you plan to **** her in the bathroom later.
Now, I like being chivalrous and opening doors for girls, but I’m still going to slap her ass once she walks through the door.
Always keep it fun and light hearted, no matter how far into a relationship you are.
It’s being dynamic, showing that you care, but also showing that you are not the typical boyfriend type of guy, you are coming from a place of abundance.
Then there is the old rule of only seeing them so often.
If you are trying to keep it casual, the once a week rule is an important one.
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Now let’s move on to if things are framed a little differently.
Instead of the casual relationship, there is also the concept of having girlfriends for 3-6 months, fairly exclusive, and seeing each other more regularly.
In this situation it’s hard to not allow the girl to develop serious emotional attachments, especially if you are really cool and have a great lifestyle that you can bring her into.
But it’s something I talked about in the Cold Hearted Player posts a while back.
I think there was a reason why these posts were so popular.
It resonated with a lot of people, and turned off others that haven’t been through the process yet.
Most guys who haven’t always been successful with girls, sympathize with the girls they date.
They break up with them, see that they are sad, and remember back when they were in that position.
Maybe it was a girl that they had a crush on, but couldn’t get. Or maybe they lost a girlfriend because they were too chode.
Then when the script is flipped, and THEY are the one breaking up with the girl, they see the pain they cause, and it makes them feel bad.
But what happens is, being the rock star, having the abundance, this scenario plays out OVER and OVER.
The more you experience pain, the more you desensitize. You don’t really become numb, you just don’t put as much value on it anymore.
Just as the first rejection is the worst, but after thousands of rebuffs and rejections, you put no value on them, and it doesn’t even register as an emotional event.
I see the process in motion all the time with guys that I train up long term.
Usually the first few months I have a new assistant, when we pull 2 girls back, afterwards while I’m trying to kick mine out, he is in the other bed CHERISHING in the night.
I get pissed and try to hint that they should leave. And he CONTINUES CHERISHING!!!
Like it’s prom night or some ****.
I think part of it is that we assume girls are more clingy by nature, and yes to a great extent they are.
But for a one time thing, most girls are just as happy to walk away with a high five, saying “Well, that was fun. See ya later, maybe…”
Girls are just as cool with the random hookup as guys are, but if you PROJECT a socially conditioned reality that girls are sluts if they give it up the same night, and men are chauvinistic pigs, then those sort of vibes will come through.
The interesting thing that happens though is after you’ve taken 30-40-50-100 girls home, you stop caring so much.
It’s just a casual thing. You project that, they ping, and everything is cool.
You aren’t as emotionally invested in any girl, because you’ve experienced so many, had intimate experiences, had the attachments broken, and you realize it’s NO BIG DEAL.
Even if the girl is a little pissed or sad afterwards…
Girls LIKE TO BE EMOTIONAL!
Back to the 3-6 month type relationships.
There is going to be a little pain in a breakup, but there is also something that you need to develop long term if you want to really accomplish your goals in the self actualization department, and ultimately live a fulfilling life.
There was something I noticed recently when I went back to Europe.
I saw some of my old assistants, and they said they noticed a difference about me.
I told them that I felt different as well, the biggest reason…
I am more selfish.
Ayn Rand style.
I feel entitled to the world. I want it all.
And I plan to work for it.
If you feel entitled to a hotter girl…. GREAT!!!
Time to find her.
Don’t hold yourself back just because you feel bad for some other girl.
It’s survival of the fittest.
We are all animals at heart.
Do you feel bad if you stunt on someone else’s face in the business world?
Do you feel bad when you beat someone for the front page, number one spot in a google campaign?
Sure you could say there are more emotions involved in a relationship. And I’d agree.
But there are a lot of emotions involved in business, money, and finances as well.
Now, it might sound callous of me to juxtapose a great relationship with a cute girl and a business plan, but…
I’m a nihilist… Haha.
Not truly, but remembering that life is all a dream, and everything is as fake as the next thing. And nothing is right or wrong. Why not make your life AWESOME!
Break the chains, don’t let the weights hold you back.
Whether that be thought patterns, a bad skillset, family, girls, whatever…
Live the life you want to live and PRIORITIZE!
Yes, I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but MY feelings are more important.
Set yourself before others, and ultimately YOU WILL OFFER MORE VALUE TO THE UNIVERSE.
Think if you ultimately do find that amazing girl, have a synergistic relationship, where everything turns out awesome, and you have amazing children!
How does that help expand and evolve humanity/consciousness whatever sort of philanthropic semantics you want to use?
Now picture being stuck with that average “cute” girl. Eck!
Just the negativity of contentment alone that you’d project into the world… It’s a drastic difference.
