Ok, I have no problem getting dates, sex etc. Generally, I'll hook up with a girl a few times, get bored, make something up, and move on to my next conquest. Spinning multiple plates at a time isn't an issue for me. All around, I'd describe myself as confident, attractive, fun to be around, and laid back. At any given time, I have plenty of options, and am fairly selective about my conquests.
My problem is this, I'm successful with women in the short term, but have no clue what to do in an LTR.
Four months ago, I hooked up with an old aquaintence. Rather, she came on to me. I expected nothing to come of it, and didnt bank much interest in it. She had a very high interest level, she asked me out, initiated the first sexual encounter after three dates, and told me she wanted an exclusive relationship after four dates.
Normally, this sort of thing would really turn me off, but there was something about this girl I liked. She is an HB9 atleast, and gets a lot of attention from a lot of guys. She is very flirty, but rejects almost everybody that approaches her. Has A LOT of attitude. She is awesome in the sack, has a great sense of humor, and is mentally stimulating to talk to. She reminded me a lot of myself.
So, I agreed to an exclusive relationship, but approached cautiously. There were a lot of things about her I was hesitant about - for one, she was a flirt, and while Im not particularly jealous, I hate feeling disrespected and refuse to look like a fool. She stayed sort of withdrawn too, and told me she is a very private person that doesn't like to open up to people quickly, and that she hates the idea of being used. She insisted that she hates getting a lot of attention, and that its a turn off for her. I kind of figured that she just didnt want to look like an attention *****.
I assumed I would stick with what I knew to work well, teasing a lot, not putting her on a pedestal and negging her whenever she was getting to full of herself. At first, this worked great. She would practically beg to see me, and gave me lots and lots and lots of sex. Good sex. Screwing until the break of dawn 5 nights a week. After about 6-8 weeks, she told me she was falling in love with me, and that she had never been head over heels for a guy that quickly.
Suddenly, she stopped seeing me as much, so I would ignore her. I have too much pride to be whiny and beg with a woman, no matter how interesting she is. This seemed to really upset her. She would insist that she was madly in love with me and demanded time with me. It was clear that she was not used to being ignored. Interest level increased, she started warming up again and seeking my affection. She started getting flakey again. To be fair, she usually has a genuinely good excuse. She lives about a half hour from me and seldom has a lot of gas in her car. Since I don't have a car, its always on her to drive to see me. Also, I work until 1am most nights, and she works mornings 45 minutes away from my apt.
One day, completley without reason, she blew me off. Not to do anything important, but to sleep. I chewed her out good, and told her that I wont be disrespected like that. She responded that she wants space, so I broke up with her and told her she can have all the space she needs. She flipped out and wound up begging for me back.
Then, she started opening up to me a lot more. She started telling me about how she gets upset that I dont give her a lot of attention, and doesn't feel loved. She said that she feels unappreciated and was concerned that I didn't reciprocate the feelings she had for me. She told me that she cries herself to sleep over me when I ignore her, and has never put up with this kind of treatment from any other man, but can not walk away from me. She says that she loves me more than anybody she has ever loved in her life, and will do anything to be with me. She told me she was hesitant to get close to me, and develops trust in men slowly. She needed to be sure that I actually wanted to be with her, and was concerned that i was not interested in a real future with her. What really convinced me that she was genuine was that she apologized to me. She told me that it wasnt fair to me, and that I deserved to be treated better. She told me that she isnt at all used to guys pointing out her flaws, and that usually boyfriends just assume that she is the greatest and let her walk on them. She said that until now, she didnt understant that caring was more than treating her like a princess 24/7.
I told her that I was tired of all of her **** tests, and that if she wanted respect and affection, she should be more affectionate and respectful towards me. If she wanted me to show love, then she needs to show it back.
Since then, I have started being more affectionate towards her, and it seems to be working out well. She texts me all hours of the day telling me she loves me, and while she is busy a lot, and we have difficult schedules, she makes an effort to see me as much as possible. Her interest level seems to be rising dramatically, and she even asked me to get an apartment with her so we can be together more often. I declined, saying it was too soon, but suggested that if she gets an apartment in town near me, that well be able to see eachother more frequently, and if things work out well, that down the road I'd consider it.
Im mostly very happy with the way things are going, and have no desire to be with anybody else. She still has little things that irritate me sometimes. Namely her attitude, and that she has mostly guy friends. I dont feel threatened or anything, but dont understand wh she needs to hang around guys who want to get in her pants. She wouldn't cheat on me, Im sure. Ive actually heard stories from other people about her shutting down would be advances in a very, very, cold fashion. Shes open about these -- friendships, and has no problems letting me read her texts, she will answer her phone right in front of me and insists if I ever have any questions about any of her guy friends, just to ask. She told me that none of her boyfriends have ever liked the fact that she gets so much attention, and that its something I would just have to get used to. I knew what the deal was when I got into this, so I suppose I can't complain. And in a way, im glad that other men envy me.
Im satisfied with the way things are going.
The thing is, this seems to go against all DJ knowledge ive accumulated. I figured less was always more with women, and that the less special treatment you give them, the more the fight for it. And it had never done me wrong before. Does the game change in an LTR?
Being distant was certainly driving things the wrong way after the first two months, but now that ive let my guard down a bit, and given out a little more affection to her, she seems to be very, very satisfied.
While I realize I should never sacrifice my happiness for hers, and should never put her above me, am I doing the right thing by treating her as an equal? Its working -- but for how long? Is there a balance that I need to attain? Should I just go with the flow til a problem arises?
My problem is this, I'm successful with women in the short term, but have no clue what to do in an LTR.
Four months ago, I hooked up with an old aquaintence. Rather, she came on to me. I expected nothing to come of it, and didnt bank much interest in it. She had a very high interest level, she asked me out, initiated the first sexual encounter after three dates, and told me she wanted an exclusive relationship after four dates.
Normally, this sort of thing would really turn me off, but there was something about this girl I liked. She is an HB9 atleast, and gets a lot of attention from a lot of guys. She is very flirty, but rejects almost everybody that approaches her. Has A LOT of attitude. She is awesome in the sack, has a great sense of humor, and is mentally stimulating to talk to. She reminded me a lot of myself.
So, I agreed to an exclusive relationship, but approached cautiously. There were a lot of things about her I was hesitant about - for one, she was a flirt, and while Im not particularly jealous, I hate feeling disrespected and refuse to look like a fool. She stayed sort of withdrawn too, and told me she is a very private person that doesn't like to open up to people quickly, and that she hates the idea of being used. She insisted that she hates getting a lot of attention, and that its a turn off for her. I kind of figured that she just didnt want to look like an attention *****.
I assumed I would stick with what I knew to work well, teasing a lot, not putting her on a pedestal and negging her whenever she was getting to full of herself. At first, this worked great. She would practically beg to see me, and gave me lots and lots and lots of sex. Good sex. Screwing until the break of dawn 5 nights a week. After about 6-8 weeks, she told me she was falling in love with me, and that she had never been head over heels for a guy that quickly.
Suddenly, she stopped seeing me as much, so I would ignore her. I have too much pride to be whiny and beg with a woman, no matter how interesting she is. This seemed to really upset her. She would insist that she was madly in love with me and demanded time with me. It was clear that she was not used to being ignored. Interest level increased, she started warming up again and seeking my affection. She started getting flakey again. To be fair, she usually has a genuinely good excuse. She lives about a half hour from me and seldom has a lot of gas in her car. Since I don't have a car, its always on her to drive to see me. Also, I work until 1am most nights, and she works mornings 45 minutes away from my apt.
One day, completley without reason, she blew me off. Not to do anything important, but to sleep. I chewed her out good, and told her that I wont be disrespected like that. She responded that she wants space, so I broke up with her and told her she can have all the space she needs. She flipped out and wound up begging for me back.
Then, she started opening up to me a lot more. She started telling me about how she gets upset that I dont give her a lot of attention, and doesn't feel loved. She said that she feels unappreciated and was concerned that I didn't reciprocate the feelings she had for me. She told me that she cries herself to sleep over me when I ignore her, and has never put up with this kind of treatment from any other man, but can not walk away from me. She says that she loves me more than anybody she has ever loved in her life, and will do anything to be with me. She told me she was hesitant to get close to me, and develops trust in men slowly. She needed to be sure that I actually wanted to be with her, and was concerned that i was not interested in a real future with her. What really convinced me that she was genuine was that she apologized to me. She told me that it wasnt fair to me, and that I deserved to be treated better. She told me that she isnt at all used to guys pointing out her flaws, and that usually boyfriends just assume that she is the greatest and let her walk on them. She said that until now, she didnt understant that caring was more than treating her like a princess 24/7.
I told her that I was tired of all of her **** tests, and that if she wanted respect and affection, she should be more affectionate and respectful towards me. If she wanted me to show love, then she needs to show it back.
Since then, I have started being more affectionate towards her, and it seems to be working out well. She texts me all hours of the day telling me she loves me, and while she is busy a lot, and we have difficult schedules, she makes an effort to see me as much as possible. Her interest level seems to be rising dramatically, and she even asked me to get an apartment with her so we can be together more often. I declined, saying it was too soon, but suggested that if she gets an apartment in town near me, that well be able to see eachother more frequently, and if things work out well, that down the road I'd consider it.
Im mostly very happy with the way things are going, and have no desire to be with anybody else. She still has little things that irritate me sometimes. Namely her attitude, and that she has mostly guy friends. I dont feel threatened or anything, but dont understand wh she needs to hang around guys who want to get in her pants. She wouldn't cheat on me, Im sure. Ive actually heard stories from other people about her shutting down would be advances in a very, very, cold fashion. Shes open about these -- friendships, and has no problems letting me read her texts, she will answer her phone right in front of me and insists if I ever have any questions about any of her guy friends, just to ask. She told me that none of her boyfriends have ever liked the fact that she gets so much attention, and that its something I would just have to get used to. I knew what the deal was when I got into this, so I suppose I can't complain. And in a way, im glad that other men envy me.
Im satisfied with the way things are going.
The thing is, this seems to go against all DJ knowledge ive accumulated. I figured less was always more with women, and that the less special treatment you give them, the more the fight for it. And it had never done me wrong before. Does the game change in an LTR?
Being distant was certainly driving things the wrong way after the first two months, but now that ive let my guard down a bit, and given out a little more affection to her, she seems to be very, very satisfied.
While I realize I should never sacrifice my happiness for hers, and should never put her above me, am I doing the right thing by treating her as an equal? Its working -- but for how long? Is there a balance that I need to attain? Should I just go with the flow til a problem arises?
