How to extract from POF?

[omkara]

What's a reliable way to go from chatting up a girl on a dating site to actually going on a date?

Lately I've been trying asking them to go out on the site itself, due to snafus I've had in the past with connections. But not many takers on that one.

I assume text or calling is relatively equivalent if you're dealing with younger girls.

Do you really have to just call them up and take them by surprise, against their better judgment? How retarded that women can't seem to make rational decisions when it comes to dating. Seriously, they're insulted if you seem cool and you don't ask them out in the correct way? Jesus, talk about f****in ego.

 

[MyTeamSupreme]

they want to feel some kind of security before they meet you in person...ur going to have to get their # and have a few voice conversations with them to meet

 

[spinaroonie]

1. Don't use words like extract in your messages.

 

[Wilko]

I'll share what has worked for me, but just a quick word about transitioning from IM to swapping numbers and texting/talking. I emphasize this is just my personal experience and some generalisations are necessary. Texting is the default method of communicating up to the first date, this just seems to be what the online dating community has collectively settled upon. You'll get advice to be different, make the call, I can't say whether it really does play to your advantage or not. My experience has been that all the girls, without exception, who wanted to initiate a phone conversation proved to be trouble; punishing company, highly strung, and very hard to shake off. So for that reason, I don't call and I use text to maintain a bit of distance and if she's smart, she'll do the same.

I like to find a way to scope out her schedule before I set something up. Even if she legitimately has something on, it will kill her interest if she's forced to keep turning you down, so make smart suggestions based on what you know she does through the week, play the percentages. Of course, if she drops her original plans or suggests another time, that's brilliant. Try to avoid directly asking about her schedule, you should be able to glean enough detail in the course of regular conversation (sporting commitments, regular movie nights with her girls, work drinks, upcoming vacations).

Be very wary if her schedule is full to bursting, you'll always be chasing. If it takes longer than two weeks between your first IM and a face to face, forget it, it's not likely to happen. Likewise, if you've made two, maybe three smart, well targeted passes at hooking something up, and she hasn't got on board, you have to next her regardless of her sincerity, it's too much work. No fault on her part, the real world just gets in the way sometimes, so be it.

As it turns out, Tuesday to Thursday seems to be the sweet spot.

I know what you're saying about getting grief from girls when you don't follow proper date protocol when 'asking them out'. Big deal, cop some grief, it's the outcome that's important.

This is old news, but don't call it a date, banish that word from your IM vocabulary. "How about you meet me at.....", "Let's hang out next Wednesday" Usually met with a "wow, you sound sure of yourself" or
"confident, aren't you, what makes you sure I want to?". Keep rolling, "I think seven sounds good, don't you", she'll fall into line, "Sure! Can we make it seven thirty though?".

My experience has been that if you get the scheduling right, the venue right, and the language right then you've done as much as you can. It's not a guarantee, but everyone recognises online dating is a numbers game, and this approach has defnitely lifted my numbers.

 

[omkara]

Thanks Wilko. That is some valuable information. I am basically learning by trial and error, so to hear the experiences of others just advances the learning curve a little bit.

I'm glad to hear that texting is considered an acceptable segue from internet to in person, because I think calling someone off the internet is a little forced. Here are my experiences so far: I have tried asking out several girls directly on the site, which has almost never worked. One girl expressed a lot of interest but then when I emailed back to extract she didn't reply. Another girl was so friendly with me, but then when I got her number I stupidly texted her multiple days in a row w/o a response (because I was talking to a lot of girls at the time and thought I could break the rules). Then I contacted her on the site and she said that she was camping that weekend and when she got back from camping her phone was full of like a dozen texts from me! It wasn't really that many, but I could see how from her POV it could seem like that.

The latest girl that I'm talking to is 25, so she thinks she's hot stuff. She agreed to go out with me, but then on that day she cancelled and said we should set something up another time. I am planning to text her about 2 weeks later.

I agree that it's worthwhile to follow up when trying to set up the first date. That has been discussed a lot on this site. People may be sincere and busy at the same time. In the Blueprint Decoded video, Tyler Durden says that he basically always leaves options open, keeping a completely nonchalant attitude. He would text girls months after getting pushed aside, saying "I'm gonna be in X place at this time." So basically he didn't have a 2 strikes rule or anything like that.

I think this is an important topic and I'm sorry for my negative tone in the beginning. But I'd like to hear some more realizations that people have about what is the best way to make this transition.

 

[Wilko]

Oh yeah, regarding your incessant (TIC) texting, that was way too much attention, but you recognise that.

With the online game you WILL encounter flakes, last minute cancellations, and girls who will make themselves exceptionally hard to get a hold of. It really is part and parcel of the scene, you can't avoid it, you can only choose how you deal with it when you encounter it, and you will.

There's a lot to be said for total nonchalance, it will keep you saner in the long run! Haha, I'd be flat out lying if I told you I was completely cool and indifferent when a girl breaks plans; I don't exactly burn my bridges but I whole-heartedly enjoy nexting them in the most uncertain terms.

Which is another good point, get good at nexting and no contact, you're going to get PLENTY of practice at it anyway if you're playing the online game. Really, it's a great skill to have, and it takes a bit of time and practice to cultivate.

Damn, I'll cut this post short, I've got loads to say (unfortunate for you guys!) as it's the strongest part of my game at the moment.

 

[Nexus Polaris]

Honestly, unless you just live in a town that is devoid of quality women close by, I would recommend avoiding internet sarging. It's twice as hard and not nearly as fun. Not only that, but POF in particular is filled with virtually nothing but fat girls, single moms, and bitter old hags. You're not going to find much of anything quality there. Most of the women on that site are single for a reason. In addition to that, there are all kinds of filters that prevent you from contacting people that are not in place in real life when you can just walk up to somebody and start talking.

 

[DoItAgain]

One thing about POF I've found...persistence is a good thing, as long as 1.)You aren't rude or needy about it, like sending dirty messages or asking "Why didn't you respond?" 2.)She has absolutely no interest in you whatsoever based on your pics and/or profile.

If a woman reads your messages, and they aren't AFC messages, and you don't seem phased by the fact that she didn't respond to your messages, if she's at all interested she will eventually reply back.

A lot of times, women have told me "You aren't the type I usually go for, but you were persistent and didn't seem to care that I wasn't responding."

Other times, women are just busy or at work or on their cell-phone and just checking messages.

 

[Wilko]

Basic stuff here, just little nuggets of truthiness:

Lots of tall girls on these sites, 5'10" plus.

If her body type description is "average" she's chubby, or has a big ass/thighs/stomach/arms.

If she only has face pics, she is hiding something about her body, girls who are proud of their body WILL show it off in their profile pics.

Get the pics, get full length pics, get recent pics, OR, run the risk, I've regretted it every single time I let that slide.

Conversely, reluctance to provide pics on her part, however plausible the reason should stop you in your tracks - learn from my screw ups.

Push some boundaries in your IM chat, it's your opportunity to find out if she's actually a humourless shrew who's indifferent about sex. It'll help you keep the conversation enjoyable and interesting for both of you. The other guys are asking her about work/family/weather or what colour panties she's wearing. Ask her how many girls have tried to add her, talk about the tranny that keeps checking out your profile, ask her about the strangest offers she's had online. It's situational so it's easy to slide innocously into the conversation, it's often funny as hell and it will usually get her to open up about her sexual tastes a little.

Use some jokes or questions you KNOW are funny/fascinating/sexy and gauge her response, test her, qualify her.

Do keep your IM chat short, this is two-fold, firstly you're creating scarcity, that's obvious, and secondly, girls who try to tie you up for hours on IM tend to be the highly strung types.

I'm officially hijacking your thread omkara!

 

[mustfirstregister]

POF is tough