how to explain to her this is just casual.

[Blinkers]

So, quite simply how do I go about letting a girl know that I am not interested in anything more than casual when she starts getting a bit serious. (In a gentlemanly manner)

 

[Greasy Pig]

My stock standard line was always one or all of the following:
1. I'm a confirmed bachelor baby!
2. I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now.
3. I'm keen to catch up whenever but I can't get into anything serious at the moment.

 

[origin138]

Do what they do, "I'm not looking for anything serious right now. You're OK with that right?"

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Agreed with above. The most important thing: Don't treat it like it's anything more than a casual relationship.

-Don't text her everyday.
-Don't make long term plans with her.
-Don't hang out with her for multiple days in a row.
-Don't feed her with a bunch of B.S.
-Don't act like you want anything long term.

Just don't do $hit that would imply that this is anything more than a casual relationship.

Also, let it be assumed you're dating other people, or better yet, early on in the relationship, like first or second date, tell her that you're dating other people. That's what I do. It's worse for a girl to find out that you started dating someone else after you met her. This way she can at least assume the chicks you are seeing are ones you knew before her, and if anything, she's the one moving in on someone else's guy.

I feel the worst thing you can do is tell her she's the only one you're dating, even if it is. If she's into you then she will start to get notions in her head and just assume you two are exclusive. Then, when she does discover you're seeing someone else: crazy town, fire and brimstone. It's better to lay the groundwork at the beginning, when it's the easiest.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I had a buddy who came up with an ingenious method for properly screening girls so he only date those that would be OK with just a casual relationship.

At their first coffee date (he always met them first for coffee) within the first ten or twenty minutes, he'd relate a "story" about his friend who dated several girls at once.

He didn't do it in condescending tone, nor a overly supportive tone. He just said he was a guy that liked girls, but didn't like commitments.

How she reacted to the "story" told him EVERYTHING. If she puckered her lips or made a sour face, she was disqualified.

However, if they said something like, "well, so long as he's up front and everybody is happy, I guess it's OK.'

Then it was usually on like Donkey Kong.

However, if you're ALREADY dating her, don't do ANYTHING that would suggest to her that you want to get serious. Don't go on any "assumed" dates, don't text or call her unless you're setting up a date, don't do anything that will give her any ideas.

And don't bring it up unless she asks specifically. If she does, say something like this:

"Look, I really like you, (pause for a bit) I really like being with you, (pause, smile, look into her eyes) and (don't say but) I'm don't want to get into a committed relationship. (still smile and look into her eyes) If you need to stop seeing me because of that, I understand."

However, once she brings up the "where is this going question" no matter WHAT you say, you've got a 50/50 chance of keeping it going.

It's best just to assume it's on its on its last legs when those types of questions come up.

Which is why PRE-SCREENING is so crucially important.

 

[SecondHalf]

Although the posts made thus far are good, they are situational answers.
You may not want to screen a woman that gives you a 24/7 erection. You may eventually get addicted but have set the terms for her to be banging others (how will you handle it).

You can get a lot of millage and mystery by saying something like ...
"Future talk is just talk. Lets not burden ourselves with meaningless verbal intentions, lets live and let life unfold naturally".

You'll not be a liar, you'll not have made ... commitments. You've completely evaded the question and allowed her hamster (whether a positive one, or a negative one) write the future and not have to have you agree to it.

SH

 

[Blinkers]

OH!!!
Well I done everything but any of the above…
We were lazing about on my couch the morning after, her sitting between my legs leaning back on me, so no eye contact. Then we got onto the subject of how one of her friends had a fvck buddy and how she could never do that… I found it an odd time to mention it as we had literally just been on 3 dates and just slept together the night before for the first time. I didn’t respond as it wasn’t a specific question but then she went and made me some more coffee and cooked me breakfast (In my house!) When she sat back down she asked what I thought about her friend’s behaviour. I said “I don’t have an opinion and it wouldn’t matter if I did”. She said “No, because I know you are not like that”
*I decided not to tell her about the other girl I am dating and just smiled and ate my egg and bacon muffin. Then she went home. I guess now the hamsters spinning I’ll have to discuss it again at some point though…
I don’t know how you guys manage with multiples, I am confused and busy enough dating two.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I didn’t respond as it wasn’t a specific question but then she went and made me some more coffee and cooked me breakfast (In my house!)

Strike one

never let a girl get too comfortable in your house if you DON'T want a relationship with her.

When she sat back down she asked what I thought about her friend’s behaviour. I said “I don’t have an opinion and it wouldn’t matter if I did”. She said “No, because I know you are not like that”

Strike two

She said "you wouldn't do that," which is a classic "pre-frame"

*I decided not to tell her about the other girl I am dating and just smiled and ate my egg and bacon muffin. Then she went home. I guess now the hamsters spinning

Strike three!

She said "you aren't like that" which she probably imagines means "we're in a relationship"

You didn't say anything, which she interpreted as "Yes, honey we ARE in a relationship!"

 

[Blinkers]

Despite my best intentions it does appear that I make every conceivable mistake...