How to escalate on POF

[mister.ritenow]

Hey all,

Back on the POF hard and things are looking better than my last attempt of a couple weeks ago (nuked profile from orbit and started over).

One thing I've had some problems with is escalating to a date once I get a girl responding. I don't want to waste any opportunities with my mouth when I've already passed the eye test.

Any tips or tricks on how you guys move from small talk to meeting up? Do you suggest talking on phone/email or stay in the app?

Thanks!

 

[:-)]

When I was online I kept small talk to a minimum and set a date within the first few messages and I didn't talk to them leading up to the date.

A simple 'I am free such and such a day, 8pm at such a place. Let me know which day is good for you,' would do the job.

Those who wanted to 'talk' or 'get to know you more before we meet' invariably turned out to be timewasters.

 

[dk1990S111]

When I was online I kept small talk to a minimum and set a date within the first few messages and I didn't talk to them leading up to the date.

A simple 'I am free such and such a day, 8pm at such a place. Let me know which day is good for you,' would do the job.

Those who wanted to 'talk' or 'get to know you more before we meet' invariably turned out to be timewasters.

Exactly my experience as well. My first message is about setting up a date, because like you said, if they are just looking to have a conversation then they are usually wasting your time.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

What they said. I've done this twice before, where the first message I send is something along the lines of "Your pic looks interesting, I'm not sure if we'd gel together but I'd like to find out, let me know if you're up for a coffee meet & greet." LoL, I did this once with a singer I saw doing back up vocals on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno - a friend of mine knew her and gave me her FB info, and in ONE message I was able to get her out on a date. Another one was on POF for Valentine's day - the message was simple: "This is gonna sound weird, but we're both single and it's V-day tomorrow, let's go out." And the next day, that's what we did!

Bottom line: you don't have to spend weeks e-mailing a chick to get her out on the town. Just know what to say, how to say it, and ask for the date. Ciao!

 

[mister.ritenow]

I switched my entry up and have three dates lined up since my original post. Thanks all.

Funny how online dating comes in waves. New pic, slightly altered line. success.

Conscious attempt at sounding indifferent as well lol.

 

[Lozboss]

I switched my entry up and have three dates lined up since my original post. Thanks all.

Funny how online dating comes in waves. New pic, slightly altered line. success.

Conscious attempt at sounding indifferent as well lol.

Curious - What does your profile say?

 

[mister.ritenow]

Curious - What does your profile say?

basically sets out that I'm a busy professional that wants to meet people outside my network. I find people barely read bios so I'm more focused on how I introduce myself at present.

 

[mister.ritenow]

I'm going to seriously challenge your current mentality about online dating. first thing I want you to remember is that it's not your responsibility to escalate. Forget about escalating. You got to set the standard and make them chase after you, not the other way around. You always want them trying to keep up with you. You don't do the work for them. You are the man and you make the logistical decisions and are expectated to pay for drinks. So you tell them where you want them to meet you.

I've always advocated complementing their sluttiest photo and then asking them to meet me for a drink. This is all done on the very first opening email. There is no small talk. There is no asking for a phone number. There is no "art" of evolving from the small talk to the date. It's really simple. Complement the sluttiest photo, and then ask them to meet you for a drink or two. 9 out of 10 will likely either ignore you and a few will say no but eventually one or two are going to say yes. These are the ones that you want to spend your time with obviously. If you get say a hundred women that you asked out for drinks on the very first email, about 10 on the average were going to respond yes. Of those 10 will say that three or four going to end up meeting you face to face. One of them is likely going to **** you eventually. This is the best way that I've known how to save as much time and money and energy meeting women online. I've always said that the biggest mistake that guys make when on online dating sites is that they never ask for the date. Skip all the small talk and asking for the phone number and just ask them to meet you for a drink or two. Don't even ask for the phone number. The one to say yes will likely offer it to you without your ever even having to ask for it. You need to keep this **** really simple.

While I agree with some of what you are saying, I hardly think not pushing the envelope and hoping they will is the most efficient way to go about this.

What about the girls on the fence? What about the girls that would have ****ed me with just some chatting? I feel like your method ignores girls with any semblance of quality that won't just give it up because I compliment one photo and give them a bar to meet me at.

Advice appreciated all the same.

 

[badboyjmm]

While I agree with some of what you are saying, I hardly think not pushing the envelope and hoping they will is the most efficient way to go about this.

What about the girls on the fence? What about the girls that would have ****ed me with just some chatting? I feel like your method ignores girls with any semblance of quality that won't just give it up because I compliment one photo and give them a bar to meet me at.

Advice appreciated all the same.

I get where you are coming from, but if I take my own example, there's many times here I wouldn't push the issue and guess what ? Most of the time, those girls are just content with getting attention for free. Once you try to meet them, nothing. They disappear.

The girls that I would end up seeing did not waste too much time messaging me (a maximum of 4 messages before giving their phone number and a few days of text before meeting up)


So Espi's way is a filter designed for girls that understand that the whole point of online dating is to see the person eventually, not just exchanging witty messages endlessly. Girls with interest (''quality'') aren't tire kickers looking to brag to their girlfriend how many guys are messaging them, they make plans to meet up.

Also, as pointed out by a female friend of mine, the fact that you don't ask for an phone number right away helps the girl trust you cause some of them are generally concern for their safety (so as long as you have a smartphone, you can download the POF app and confirm to logistic of the date in real time)

Will this method make you lose a couple girls that are of the fence ? Sure but because you are wasting less time and are able to reach far more girls, eventually you end up with more girls. Typically for me, a girl that's on the fence is not a very good plate.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

What Espi and badboyjmm said. I never asked for women's numbers, and for a good reason: they don't know me yet, and I didn't want them to feel like I'd be that guy who would suddenly start trying to text/call them all the time before asking for a date (which, based on my survey of girl friends, is what most guys tend to do). So, instead of asking for the number, I'd just ask for the date, set up a time to meet them, and then not talk to them again until we met up for the date. If the date went well, THEN I'd ask for their number. Of course, by then I'd already shown them a great time AND made out with them, so it was less awkward for them to do so