How to end it with BPD gf? (currently have no-contact)

[justin11]

So long story short, my gf for about 3.5 months has bpd (didn't realize this until recently), and starting about 3 weeks ago, I texted her about setting up another date, and she never responded, and we haven't talked to each other since. On Saturday, she texted me saying "good luck," in reference to a football game I had that morning, and I never responded to that. School started on Monday, and we haven't talked to each other, and I haven't even made eye contact with her (She's experiencing devaluation part of BPD). The problem is, we're still officially in a relationship, and I want to end it but I don't want to DLV by going up to her and talking about it, especially after several weeks of no contact. What should I do?

and just now, she posted in a facebook group of our friend group telling everyone to go to the blackout football game next week. I feel like this was an attempt to get my attention, as she never has had interest in our school's football games.

 

[TheException]

starting about 3 weeks ago, I texted her about setting up another date, and she never responded, and we haven't talked to each other since.

Soooo your exclusively dating a girl....but you havent spoken to her in 3 weeks? Sounds like its going well...

On Saturday, she texted me saying "good luck," in reference to a football game I had that morning, and I never responded to that. School started on Monday, and we haven't talked to each other, and I haven't even made eye contact with her

Dude. You dont go NC on a girl your exclusive with. Thats not what the concept is intended for. Its mainly used to overcome oneitis or an ex girlfriend. Theres a difference between giving her low amounts of attention vs not responding to her. Its fair to withdraw attention if she does something negative like not respond to your date offer....but that doesnt mean you ignore her "in retaliation". Thats beta as fvck and insecure.

The problem is, we're still officially in a relationship, and I want to end it but I don't want to DLV by going up to her and talking about it, especially after several weeks of no contact. What should I do?

Your afraid of "DLV-ing" during a breakup? Hey pal....it shouldnt matter if you DLV, DHV, cry, laugh, etc during a breakup. Your should be breaking up with her because because you no longer want to date her. Therefore you shouldnt care if she loses interest in you.

To answer your question....its as simple as this. Next time you see her, say "We have to talk". And say "This relationship just isnt for me", and be done with it. No drama, No breakup through text/email....just do it.

 

[jay07]

If shes bpd, shes already broken up with you mate.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I see no evidence showing that she's BPD based on what you wrote.

A lot of young newbies like to throw around that term to make sense of a broken relationship, but the reality is this girl is likely young, immature & you didn't keep your game tight.

Again, unless you post some more history that clearly shows signs of BPD, its not smart to be going around throwing that term around so loosely.






PIMP

 

[dasein]

Agree with others, if she were BPD you may or may not even see any signs this early on, they usually wait til you are well in the boat with them and away from shore before baring the fangs (yeah I watched Life of Pi this week, what of it? not much of a movie other than an -excellent- analogy for life with a BPD). It's a common purposeful misdiagnosis also, shrinks use it to get rid of run of the mill whiny, self-absorbed female clients they find boring under the auspices of "can't be cured, bye now!" Sounds like you just got dumped and don't realize it yet. Good luck moving on to better options, which you should begin doing yesterday.

 

[OptimumIndividual]

She doesn't like you anymore.

 

[justin11]

I spared you guys all the details but I'm 100% sure she has BPD...I didnt know about BPD until a week ago which is why I never realized she had it. I was reading the symptoms and it all fit perfectly with her. I sent her the text asking to set up another date two days after our most intimate and sexual date (she blew me for first time, was mine/her first).

and I havent been ignoring her, ive just been waiting for her to initiate the conversation, which she would have done if she still had interest. But someone asked her on ask.fm a few days ago if she was still going out with me and she said yes, so she still might consider us together

 

[Mr Wright]

I spared you guys all the details but I'm 100% sure she has BPD...I didnt know about BPD until a week ago which is why I never realized she had it. I was reading the symptoms and it all fit perfectly with her. I sent her the text asking to set up another date two days after our most intimate and sexual date (she blew me for first time, was mine/her first).

and I havent been ignoring her, ive just been waiting for her to initiate the conversation, which she would have done if she still had interest. But someone asked her on ask.fm a few days ago if she was still going out with me and she said yes, so she still might consider us together

Look Dr Phil, from what you've said so far, you sound like the crazy one over analyzing the relationship and accusing her of being BPD. Until you've had a girl try to cut herself if you leave her, come at you with a knife, literally blow up your phone will messages and calls and basically becoming a clinging Ciara, you're fine. She sounds pretty sane to me unless you want to tell us more. It sounds like you want to break up because your egos all bruised because she hasnt given you head again. I do psychology and you'll realise a lot of people exhibit traits from certain disorders but once you actually meet someone with a disorder, you will know about it. Fvking nutcases and with BPD, it's hard to leave when shes threatening to kill herself if you do. Just because she doesnt reply to a few of your texts or even flies off the handle a little, it doesnt mean shes BPD.

If you want to break up, just do it, you may have your own reasons but no ones going to actually give a crap.

 

[PlayHer Man]

You should be spinning plates. When you spin plates, women like this fade into the background and are forgotten long before you can make a thread on SoSuave about them.

Relationships are simple.. you only need to ask yourself 2 questions at any given time:

1. Is this woman giving me what I want?

2. Is it likely she will eventually give me what I want?

If the answer to both questions is NO.. then you have no further business with her. If the answer to the second question is YES.. set a specific timeline you will wait. Then move on once the clock runs out.

Ground rules gentlemen! You MUST have them.

 

[justin11]

Look Dr Phil, from what you've said so far, you sound like the crazy one over analyzing the relationship and accusing her of being BPD. Until you've had a girl try to cut herself if you leave her, come at you with a knife, literally blow up your phone will messages and calls and basically becoming a clinging Ciara, you're fine. She sounds pretty sane to me unless you want to tell us more. It sounds like you want to break up because your egos all bruised because she hasnt given you head again. I do psychology and you'll realise a lot of people exhibit traits from certain disorders but once you actually meet someone with a disorder, you will know about it. Fvking nutcases and with BPD, it's hard to leave when shes threatening to kill herself if you do. Just because she doesnt reply to a few of your texts or even flies off the handle a little, it doesnt mean shes BPD.

So here's why I think she's BPD based off what I found online

Extreme reactions—including panic, depression, rage, or frantic actions—to abandonment, whether real or perceived: she does have extreme reactions, yells/makes body movements and can seem very worried about some things

A pattern of intense and stormy relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often veering from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation): Our relationship has been very up and down. Some days she's very interested in me and doesn't want to be away from me, and other days she acts all *****y when we talk.

Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self, which can result in sudden changes in feelings, opinions, values, or plans and goals for the future (such as school or career choices): Opinion/personality can change rapidly, changes hairstyle dramatically every week or so

Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating: doesn't drink often but when she does she drinks a lot, when she drives she likes to accelerate and make quick turns

Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior, such as cutting: don't know anything about this

Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days: has a lot of mood swings

Chronic feelings of emptiness and/or boredom: sometimes she'll just look empty and out of it, and be unresponsive

Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger: sometimes will yell out loud when angry

Having stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality: like i said before, sometimes just is out of it