How to eliminate competition for a girl? (Pretty long!)

[gunsofbrixton]

Long story short, been speaking to this girl for about 2 months. I like her, I've felt at times she likes me just through little things she does and says. I feel I've played it a bit too cool though. I mean, I once gave her a hug and I've invited her out one or two times - as a social group thing - but she pulled out. I even offered to pay for her ticket for a gig she wanted to go to with me, but then she realised she had no money. I talk to her whenever I can in person but I've only commented on her Facebook once, and only texted her regarding social events.

Now, two weeks ago she added this guy from College she never spoke to previously. She posted on his wall, and they've been having long conversations with little flirty/banter-ish comments thrown in. He's always commenting on her posts. They spoke a lot at College last week, and when I was trying to talk to her he just couldn't shut up! It's like he's getting in my way. Just yesterday she left a message on his wall trying to initiate conversation, and today she asked him if he was coming to the canteen at College for lunch on Facebook. He said he wasn't in during the morning so she urged him to come along.

However. This guy isn't from the city I live in, where I attend College. He only came to this city to attend the course we're on. He'll be going home for Easter and then presumably for the summer, before going to University in London in September...would a long distance relationship be realistic?

Nearly everything she posts on Facebook he comments on within minutes, including posts on the walls of mutual friends. As I say, she enjoys the attention but maybe it can only be so long before his seeming clingyness wears thin?

The competition in question is rather "beta male" like. He speaks in a pretty camp voice and doesn't come across as "macho". His main advantage is his sharp sense of humour. How should I "out-alpha" someone like this?

Lastly, people have told me not to look too deep into things just yet, and that they're probably just in the "getting to know you" phase. All this is still troubling me though, that since this guy has emerged she's seemed more distant with me. Or maybe I'm just imagining things. Just the week before she got talking to him I was sat with her in lesson and she was being VERY flirty with me.

Any ideas how to win back her attention? I'm not looking for "just ask her out" or "just tell her how you feel" answers. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. I just want to get her onside again before it's too late.

 

[d!ckmojo]

She's not into you dude

 

[gunsofbrixton]

She was two weeks ago, it would seem.

Admittedly I've only seen her in person twice since she got talking to this guy.

 

[d!ckmojo]

You offered to take her to a gig~

She said "oh I've got no money" (excuse)

So you offered to pay for her...

But she still blew you off!

What does that tell you dude?

 

[gunsofbrixton]

Quite possibly.

One thing though - I seem to know more about her than he does. Like, her favourite bands, her past, other things she's into. He just seems to talk nonsense with her on Facebook or about College work. Does this give me the upper hand?

 

[gunsofbrixton]

The thing is, she knew about this gig because I posted about it on a friend's wall and she commented hours later saying she wanted to go.

She sounded up for it until I mentioned that I would be going with a few other friends.

 

[gunsofbrixton]

I wasn't too sure myself, as I had no money.

 

[PapiChulo]

Dont pay attention to this facebook thing, disregard it comepletely. You dont wanna be competing in there - that will look bad and contrived, may show some insecurities. Facebook = attention, Real Life (you asking her out = a date)

Is she aware of your intentions? or she thinks you are just friendly with her somehow? These college chicks think everybody is into them and wants to be "friends" with them, the sexual part is different, as they are used to this beta behavior.
You on the other hand set yourself apart by doing in directly and honestly and asking her out straight up before the other guy makes a move. I ve run into situations where the window of opportunity comes and goes within 2 weeks. So, no waiting and being indecisive.

Her IL is pretty low now and you have two options:

#1 Go for it now, saving yourself time and getting put into the "guys who want me" box, or #2 keeping your distance and attracting her, making her want to get with you.

Number one is the most efficient and wont let you get oneitis! Plus, you can always do #2 in case she rejects you.


Women want you one week, and dont want you the other! Thats how it is. Sometimes its way to easy to caught up in all of this analyzation that paralyzes you. You go there and ask her out making it clear what you want. Dont forget to calibrate a bit too as there are women who may think you are coming on too strong.

But the way you sort of asked her out makes her confused and guessing.


Thats the way you compete.


P.S. I am flirty with many chicks on facebook, but I have no attraction for most of them, not plan to date them at all. Dont read into that crap.

 

[shizz702]

Disregard facebook silliness, and always remember, "Judge a woman by her actions, not by her words."

 

[Iceberg]

I find it strange that you can't even get this girl out on a one-on-one date, but you're worried about other dudes taking her.

You're jumping the gun. You havent even touched this girl, and you're worried about what other guys are doing. Well, yeah buddy. When you see a girl that you like, and you don't ask her out, then common sense tells you that she'd be available for other guys.

Even if she likes you, which i don't think she does, it doesn't make you the ONLY guy she likes. Just like you might like her, and 5 other girls.

Either you ask her out or you don't. But you damn sure shouldn't worry about "competition" when you're not even in the game.

 

[gunsofbrixton]

But the way you sort of asked her out makes her confused and guessing.

Good post, but I was wondering what this meant.

Also - and I'm surprised I didn't add this before - she touched him on the arm Friday as a "greeting", though I've seen her do that to other guys before. Then after lesson he went off with two guys who she doesn't like much, who he's been hanging around with from the start, and she said (and I quote) "he's a really nice guy but why does he always bum those two?"

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Good post, but I was wondering what this meant.

Also - and I'm surprised I didn't add this before - she touched him on the arm Friday as a "greeting". Then after lesson he went off with two guys who she doesn't like much, who he's been hanging around with from the start, and she said (and I quote) "he's a really nice guy but why does he always bum those two?"

No offense, but it seems like you need a life a LOT more than you need a girlfriend right now.

 

[Igetit!]

Long story short, been speaking to this girl for about 2 months. I like her, I've felt at times she likes me just through little things she does and says.

You said that you've been speaking to her for like 2 months,and that you like her. Well does she know you're interested? She should. And if she doesn't know,then what in the world have you been speaking to her about for the past 60 days?


Whatever it was,it didn't generate her interest back.

I feel I've played it a bit too cool though.

I agree with you on this.

I talk to her whenever I can in person but I've only commented on her Facebook once, and only texted her regarding social events.

Now I'm beginning to see why she doesn't like you.

It's simple.....you're acting like a "friend".

You want her ROMANTIC interest,but you haven't shown any interest of your own yet. She's not doing anything wrong. All she's doing is reciprocating what YOU put out there FIRST.

Now, two weeks ago she added this guy from College she never spoke to previously. She posted on his wall, and they've been having long conversations with little flirty/banter-ish comments thrown in.

So with this other guy,she has "flirty/banter-ish" comments in their conversations.


That's EXACTLY what you should have been doing.


While you've spent the last TWO MONTHS "playing it too cool",inviting her out in social groups,and texting her about social events,this other guy swooped in and started turning her on.

Nearly everything she posts on Facebook he comments on within minutes, including posts on the walls of mutual friends. As I say, she enjoys the attention but maybe it can only be so long before his seeming clingyness wears thin?

It's possible. But even if her interest in him does start to wane,it won't do you any good. You were there first,right? You were there BEFORE this other guy showed up,A MONTH AND AN HALF TO TWO MONTHS before he arrived.


Well if you invested all that time in her only to have this guy snatch her up like that,then what makes you think him suddenly being out of the picture will somehow improve your chances?



Other than polite chit-chat,you really had nothing else going on with her.

The competition in question is rather "beta male" like. He speaks in a pretty camp voice and doesn't come across as "macho".

Hmm. Funny,you claim this guy is "beta" and doesn't come across as "macho",yet he WITH EASE stole the girl with whom you invested two+ months in.

She's leaving messages on his wall TRYING TO START CONVERSATIONS WITH HIM,and trying to get him to go to lunch at the college,no doubt so she can meet up with him. All that,then you ask......

"How should I "out-alpha" someone like this?"


How do you "out-alpha" him? You're asking for help on how to "out-alpha" someone YOU DESCRIBED as "beta",lol? :crackup:


I had to clean off my computer screen on that one,lol. I was drinking a soda while reading it,and I laughed so hard,I spit the soda right out onto my monitor.

Lastly, people have told me not to look too deep into things just yet, and that they're probably just in the "getting to know you" phase.

Maybe they are in that phase,but again,it doesn't help you. You appear to be past that stage,which is BAD.

If she ALREADY KNOWS YOU,and her response was to go to this other guy,uhhh "surprise!",what does that tell you?


It means that romantically/sexually,you didn't do it for her. And again....

You've had two months with her. This other guy (as far as you know) has just showed up within the last 2-3 weeks,and in that short time,he's already garnered her attention from you.


If he has what you want,then maybe you oughta take a closer look at this "beta" and learn a few things from him.

All this is still troubling me though, that since this guy has emerged she's seemed more distant with me. Or maybe I'm just imagining things. Just the week before she got talking to him I was sat with her in lesson and she was being VERY flirty with me.

Well you know what? Maybe this girl did like you. Maybe she was interested in you. But apparently,you never showed that interest back.



Look....you can't flirt FOREVER. You can't play,joke,tease,neg,kino,and all that crap on and on and on and on. EVENTUALLY,you have to ASK HER OUT.



Well it's been two months dude,how long was she suppose to wait? And why is it now that this other dude has shown up,why NOW do you "suddenly" want to get serious about possibly dating her?

Any ideas how to win back her attention?

Uhh yeah,I have one.....


STOP PVSSY-FOOTING AND TAP-DANCING AROUND. You want to take her out? Then ASK HER OUT. Honestly though,you may have waited too late.

You may have to pull a little NC and see what happens.

 

[gunsofbrixton]

Erm...what's an NC? No contact?

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

She hasn't hung out with you one on one, and she hasn't accepted any of your offers to hang out.

When a girl wants to bang, she won't do "little things" to make you think that she might be interested. She'll get physical and attention-hungry or she'll play games with you. She doesn't seem to be doing either of those things.

You do not 'have' this girl. You do not even 'have' her attention. This other guy might not be physically aggressive, but that's not what a modern alpha is about. If he has the upper hand socially, then he's acting 'modern alpha.'

He is not your competition, but you two aren't in competition for this girl. The reason you're not in competition is because she is not even considering you as an option.

Nothing in your post has indicated in the slightest bit that she's even the slightest bit interested in you. In fact, if she was being flirty with you ONLY in front of this guy, she may have just been using you to get his attention. That makes you HER FRIEND.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Erm...what's an NC? No contact?

Hey, now you're catching on!

@IgetIt!

Remember, he's not looking for "just ask her out". He'll cross that bridge when he gets to it. Perhaps another 2+ months of flirting will do the trick. After the competition is beaten, of course.

When I see something like that, all I can think is that this dude needs to tear everything down and rebuild from scratch. The guy's whole issue is that he spent 2 months wooing her, nothing happened, and now he wants to woo her back....but NOT by asking her out. No, he'll cross that bridge when he gets to it.

The lack of logic is astounding.

Any ideas how to win back her attention? I'm not looking for "just ask her out" or "just tell her how you feel" answers. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. I just want to get her onside again before it's too late.

 

[gunsofbrixton]

She hasn't hung out with you one on one, and she hasn't accepted any of your offers to hang out.

When a girl wants to bang, she won't do "little things" to make you think that she might be interested. She'll get physical and attention-hungry or she'll play games with you. She doesn't seem to be doing either of those things.

You do not 'have' this girl. You do not even 'have' her attention. This other guy might not be physically aggressive, but that's not what a modern alpha is about. If he has the upper hand socially, then he's acting 'modern alpha.'

He is not your competition, but you two aren't in competition for this girl. The reason you're not in competition is because she is not even considering you as an option.

Nothing in your post has indicated in the slightest bit that she's even the slightest bit interested in you. In fact, if she was being flirty with you ONLY in front of this guy, she may have just been using you to get his attention. That makes you HER FRIEND.

Nope, she wasn't being flirty towards me in front of him.

And also, she's quite a shy person.

 

[Iceberg]

Nope, she wasn't being flirty towards me in front of him.

And also, she's quite a shy person.

Looks like you got it all figured out then.

Nothing to see here...

 

[Igetit!]

@IgetIt!

Remember, he's not looking for "just ask her out". He'll cross that bridge when he gets to it.

Yeah,I noticed that. And silly me,what was I thinking telling him he should ask her out. I don't know,for some reason I was under the impression that he might actually want to DATE the girl.


To the OP (gunsofbrixton)...

Hey man,forget what I said in my earlier reply. I thought you wanted to take this girl out on a date or something,but apparently you have to cross this "bridge" you spoke of first.


This other guy ALREADY has this girl trying to get him to meet up with her for lunch after a mere 2-3 weeks.


TWO MONTHS....and counting,and you're still waiting for this "bridge" so you can ask her out.

You remind me of this thread HERE where this guy waited 6 YEARS trying to get a girl to go out with him,and this thread HERE where a guy waited 10 YEARS trying to get a girl to go out with him.



Maybe you're after the record. Instead of waiting 10 years,you'll wait 11 to cross that "bridge". Well if the forum is still here 11 years from now in 2022,I guess you can come back and ask who's ever here how to go about getting her then.

 

[PapiChulo]

Good post, but I was wondering what this meant.

Also - and I'm surprised I didn't add this before - she touched him on the arm Friday as a "greeting", though I've seen her do that to other guys before. Then after lesson he went off with two guys who she doesn't like much, who he's been hanging around with from the start, and she said (and I quote) "he's a really nice guy but why does he always bum those two?"

Its in Igetit's post and the other guys' as well. they beat me to it.


All this trouble comes from women with low interest when you start out either in a friendzone or simply fail to do attract/seduce her. Just learn from it and dont beat yourself up for this, seek women that have high IL and start from scratch, as things like that rarely end up well for you.

It happens to me often when I get interested in someone I ve been acquainted with for awhile because they have gotten hotter or attracted my attention.


Her interest was probably low to begin with, and it might have spiked a bit for awhile thanks to stuff we learn here, or whatever you might have done.

Remember that analogy about the interest/attraction being a spark that you should nourish in order for it to turn into flame? Ingrain that in your mind.

P.S. I had a chick whose interest died in 1 week because she went home to visit her parents, 1 week is all it took regardless whether someone better came around (its all about what you do to keep it nice and hot).What does that tell you? And yes, it was the same shy type you described there. Also treat all women the same, no matter, shy or bold. Sometimes they play coy, but whats hiding inside is no different than any other cold manipulative b!tch. Keep that in mind.