How to develop the required social skills to create initial attraction in women?

[lost_guy]

Hey guy, first time poster, long time lurker (well I've lurked here for about 6 months or so). I've been checking out other pick up sites for about a year and a half now, and came across this board about 6 months ago. I've read a good deal of the DJ bible but still can't create any attraction in women.

I know my question is pretty broad but I currently don't possess any social skills when it comes to women and dating. I never learned how to interact with women in my teens because my first couple of years of high school were hell and destroyed my confidence with women (plus I was basically given a horrible reputation). My last 2 years of high school were pretty good once I joined the football team and proved myself one of the better players (it was the jocks that made my first 2 years of high school so ****ty, but they came to accept me once I started playing football). The girls at my school still never gave me a chance and that just destroyed my confidence even more. College was pretty much the same, pretty ****ty. Hell, the first date I ever had was less than a year ago (I'm 24 now, turning 25 this year). I've only gone on dates with 6-7 girls before (all in the last year), none of them went past the first date. And the last one was in jan, haven't had one since then.

Basically I'm sick of this ****. Even when I'm told a girl is into me she isn't. Two separate guys recently told me that this girl was into me, which I thought was strange because she never seemed interested (she basically ignored me, only speaking to me once in a while). So in the last 2 weeks I made an effort to strike up convos with her and see if there was any truth to what they were saying. And again, zero IOIs and most of the time she pretended I wasn't there. And then yesterday I'm walking by her and another girl at a restaurant and I overhear that she thinks she may have gotten knocked up by some random guy. So definitely not interested, lol.

Umm, I think I may have gotten off track a bit... Basically how can I gain social skills when it comes to women (and don't just say "cold approach", I don't have much approach anxiety, just can't get women interested in me).

 

[Maxtro]

Practice, practice, practice. Seriously.

I know exactly where you are coming from. I graduated High School and Jr. College with crappy underdeveloped social skills.

Now I'm in college and I've made almost a complete 180. Right now I'm in two classes in summer school each class gives us 2, 10 minute breaks. I make it a point to talk with a girl or a group of girls during every break. If I see a chance to talk to a girl that I somewhat recognize, damn right I'm going to take it. Right now, the girls I know are actually coming up to me and starting conversations.

Yes it was very awkward at first. But it gets so much easier with more practice. I'm still nowhere as good as a want to be but I've made great progress.

So lost_guy, you need to find situations where you can start talking to chicks. You can start talking to them based on any interesting things they are wearing, doing or about the surroundings.

A week or so ago I broke the ice with a chick by making a comment about her doing math homework. I've found that a really great way to get girls to open up is to ask them about their weekend. I asked the math girl how her weekend was and somehow that led to her telling me that she broke up with her boyfriend because he cheated on her and then she went to a bar and guys were hitting on her.

Practice will increase your social skills. Though as for getting girls interested is something I haven't yet mastered.

 

[Ease]

DJ bible doesnt tell you how to create initial attraction with girls. Watching other guys do it does help though.

Basically, i reckon it is a mixture of looks, swagger and atmosphere. Looks are what you look like. Swagger is everything about your body language, walk, talk, how to hold your drink, how to stand. Atmosphere can be your 'social proof' as they call it, if you look happy and popular amongst people, it influences first impressions. In my experience, i dont like to use the word happy to describe your mood, too much smiling and acting dumb is gay to say the least. Its always better to be smooth and masculine, than goofy and try hard.

That is what initial attraction is. After that, you need to start dropping information about yourself and finding about her, which is a different part of the game. It involves more smooth, masculine, super fly guy attitude.

Commonly, small minded unsuccesful people will tell you that its all about looks. Looks are less than half the deal, if your face shape resembles an average guy. Looks can be improved and rearranged. As your game gets better you will stop caring so much about your looks. If you are not getting many looks and interest from girls, the first thing you do to get the ball rolling is improve your looks. Haircut, facial hair, style.

@ Maxtro: thats good, but you need to be getting girls interested. Dont be content with small talk. If you have somewhat of a grasp of all of the things i listed, there will be girls interested in you, 100% guarenteed. Life is better to be the guy getting the girls, than to be the guy not.

 

[lost_guy]

@ Ease: I agree that the bible doesn't really help with this. It's great for keeping you from making a ass of yourself by pursuing girls that aren't interested (which I found useful) and it's great for once you have the girl interested. But it's not so great to get a girl interested.

If I have to be critical with myself I'd say the problem isn't with my looks but my "swagger". I'm a good looking guy, something girls have commented on before (though they weren't interested or had bfs). It's something to do with how I present myself or the vibe I give off. I almost impossible thing to fix without help, and I don't have any friends that are excellent with women (got my best friend who's a natural, but don't live near him anymore). I don't want to go to just some random guy I know and ask him to help, my problem's embarrassing and I have to admit I don't really trust many of my current guy friends.

 

[CarlitosWay]

Yeah Ease touched on that, take great pride in how you look. I have suave hair, always am well groomed, well dressed, I train with weights/do sprints seriously 5-6 times a week. I just recently got a hottie buck naked within two dates. I have her paying for drinks and movie tickets 1/2 the time when we go out now, with out mentioning anything . All cause of the way I carry myself. I control the frame. The outcome. The vibe of the night. It's all about creating the right sort of tension, that gets them excited. Unknowingly get them to be sexually attracted to you, by the way you carry and entertain yourself!! Take risks when necessary!! **** doesn't work out? Remain undeterred, keep it cool / smooth !! Sometimes after building up rapport and kissing a chic, she might get shocked by it and won't know what to do. I'll remain cool/smooth/undeterred, few days go by and guess who's texting/calling me ?

She'll comment on a celeb and say "Omg I think he's so hawt" and I'll be like "Yeah he's pretty damn handsome/hawt, maybe I'd turn gay for him!". Yet I can say anything I want cause of how in touch I am with my "Sexuality". I tease the **** out of women and don't really care if they like or not, I just laugh. They tell me "you're so mean to me" "you should be nice to me" . You know what I tell em? I laugh and say "pfft what you want me to be a suck up?"

She calls me a jerk all the time, it's cause I don't take **** from her ever! If a chic invites me out last sec and tells me to hurry. I'll tell her "no you invited me out at the last minute, it's not my fault". You need to get to that point where even if you might be wrong you're still right. I rarely apologize to women for anything. Most chumps do. I have women telling me sorry constantly, cause I challenge the actions 90% of guys don't and I let them know jokingly that certain things don't jive well with me. Yet I hardly ever do it overly serious, unless it's something real f*** up.

Yeah practice practice....doesn't matter on who. Ugly chics, fat chics, old women, ugly old fat chics, average girls, hotties. I DON'T CARE. Just aim to make them laugh, aim to get their panties wet for ****s n giggles. Next thing you know you're replicating this with all women and it's just becomes part of you naturally.

Most guys don't want to hear it but ^^^ What I wrote above is the honest truth. My game didn't get to where it is now, by just reading, but by reading/applying and taking risks. I went out entertained myself first and foremost others just came along for the ride.

I don't care I can start convos with random people with a quick smile and a nice "hi how are you?" "Damn it's hot as hell right now!!" Than BOOM branch that off into other convos. Too many people jump the gun too quick when asking for numbers/escalating sexual tension...ease in to rapport building take your time, get a chic sexually attracted but comfortable with you right off the bat. That should always be your goal.

 

[lost_guy]

Yeah Ease touched on that, take great pride in how you look. I have suave hair, always am well groomed, well dressed, I train with weights/do sprints seriously 5-6 times a week. I just recently got a hottie buck naked within two dates. I have her paying for drinks and movie tickets 1/2 the time when we go out now, with out mentioning anything . All cause of the way I carry myself. I control the frame. The outcome. The vibe of the night. It's all about creating the right sort of tension, that gets them excited. Unknowingly get them to be sexually attracted to you, by the way you carry and entertain yourself!! Take risks when necessary!! **** doesn't work out? Remain undeterred, keep it cool / smooth !! Sometimes after building up rapport and kissing a chic, she might get shocked by it and won't know what to do. I'll remain cool/smooth/undeterred, few days go by and guess who's texting/calling me ?

She'll comment on a celeb and say "Omg I think he's so hawt" and I'll be like "Yeah he's pretty damn handsome/hawt, maybe I'd turn gay for him!". Yet I can say anything I want cause of how in touch I am with my "Sexuality". I tease the **** out of women and don't really care if they like or not, I just laugh. They tell me "you're so mean to me" "you should be nice to me" . You know what I tell em? I laugh and say "pfft what you want me to be a suck up?"

She calls me a jerk all the time, it's cause I don't take **** from her ever! If a chic invites me out last sec and tells me to hurry. I'll tell her "no you invited me out at the last minute, it's not my fault". You need to get to that point where even if you might be wrong you're still right. I rarely apologize to women for anything. Most chumps do. I have women telling me sorry constantly, cause I challenge the actions 90% of guys don't and I let them know jokingly that certain things don't jive well with me. Yet I hardly ever do it overly serious, unless it's something real f*** up.

Yeah practice practice....doesn't matter on who. Ugly chics, fat chics, old women, ugly old fat chics, average girls, hotties. I DON'T CARE. Just aim to make them laugh, aim to get their panties wet for ****s n giggles. Next thing you know you're replicating this with all women and it's just becomes part of you naturally.

Most guys don't want to hear it but ^^^ What I wrote above is the honest truth. My game didn't get to where it is now, by just reading, but by reading/applying and taking risks. I went out entertained myself first and foremost others just came along for the ride.

I don't care I can start convos with random people with a quick smile and a nice "hi how are you?" "Damn it's hot as hell right now!!" Than BOOM branch that off into other convos. Too many people jump the gun too quick when asking for numbers/escalating sexual tension...ease in to rapport building take your time, get a chic sexually attracted but comfortable with you right off the bat. That should always be your goal.

That's some great advice and all but the big problem I have is that most girls don't give a **** about what I say or do. Most girls just act like I'm not even there and only show any reaction when I treat them like **** (calling them *****, etc).

 

[runner83]

Learn from the past, but it's over and done with now.

Focus on the future, work out what you want to do and go for it.

Practice.

 

[CarlitosWay]

That's some great advice and all but the big problem I have is that most girls don't give a **** about what I say or do. Most girls just act like I'm not even there and only show any reaction when I treat them like **** (calling them *****, etc).

Then all it comes down to is practice for you buddy. Don't know what else to say. I think you're just not testing the waters enough. You're probably like me when I was in middle school and was scared of the tallest diving board and deep ass pool. Well you know what One day I just said **** it and jumped into that ***** and yeah I belly flopped at times, got ****ed up here or there. Yet I walked away damn proud. Stop dipping just your toes/feet, barely skimming the surface. Dive head first and the worse that will happen is a cold shoulder/awkward moment. That you can quickly brush off. Unless you're a sap who over analyzes everything, which seems to be rampant on these boards at times

 

[lost_guy]

Then all it comes down to is practice for you buddy. Don't know what else to say. I think you're just not testing the waters enough. You're probably like me when I was in middle school and was scared of the tallest diving board and deep ass pool. Well you know what One day I just said **** it and jumped into that ***** and yeah I belly flopped at times, got ****ed up here or there. Yet I walked away damn proud. Stop dipping just your toes/feet, barely skimming the surface. Dive head first and the worse that will happen is a cold shoulder/awkward moment. That you can quickly brush off. Unless you're a sap who over analyzes everything, which seems to be rampant on these boards at times

guess I was hoping for a more concrete way to improve my chances. I'm a little bit disappointed. To be honest my goal was to lose my virginity by the time I'm 25, which is 5 months away (and no comments about getting a hooker, that won't help my problem, it's cheating). Guess I'll have to settle for a lesser goal, something like try to get a girl interested and don't get disappointed if she's not. Guess I'll just continue doing what I was doing, thanks.

 

[runner83]

Ok, if you're looking for a bit more concrete advice, here's what I got from a 5 second google search:

Make it Happen!
Don’t wait for someone to invite you to a cool party. Don’t sit at home hoping someone will call. Go out and do it for yourself. When you meet someone ask them “hey, do you know about any cool parties happening soon?” If you’re a normal friendly person people will always tell you about what’s going on and invite you.

Talk to People!
At work, school, the store or even in the street. If you don’t have enough friends, start talking. Even if you don’t have the best social skills yet, just talking to a lot of people will increase the number of friends you make. You might be a little nervous to talk to someone you don’t know but people are almost always much more friendly and open to conversation that you give them credit for.

Plan Your Own Events!
Here’s an idea. Instead of waiting for other people to invite you somewhere, why don;t you plan your own thing. If you want to go to a party, plan a party. If you want to take a trip to a cool place, plan it yourself and invite people out. Here’s a little secret, most people are looking to follow others. They don;t make plans for themselves and rely on others for their social life. If you can be the person that leads and organizes things, people will flock to you and you soon become the “popular” guy or girl.

Get Involved!
Do you like running, join a running club. Enjoy writing, join a writing group. Whatever you like to do, chances are that there is a group, club or team that enjoys that also. So find one you like and join up! Clubs and group are fantastic places to expand your social life. Not only do you get the social enjoyment of the group meeting but you can meet like minded people that can turn into personal friends. I know lots of people who met their best friend at a cooking class, or workout group.

---------------------------------

Not specific to getting women, but should help overall.

 

[lost_guy]

Ok, if you're looking for a bit more concrete advice, here's what I got from a 5 second google search:

Make it Happen!
Don’t wait for someone to invite you to a cool party. Don’t sit at home hoping someone will call. Go out and do it for yourself. When you meet someone ask them “hey, do you know about any cool parties happening soon?” If you’re a normal friendly person people will always tell you about what’s going on and invite you.

Talk to People!
At work, school, the store or even in the street. If you don’t have enough friends, start talking. Even if you don’t have the best social skills yet, just talking to a lot of people will increase the number of friends you make. You might be a little nervous to talk to someone you don’t know but people are almost always much more friendly and open to conversation that you give them credit for.

Plan Your Own Events!
Here’s an idea. Instead of waiting for other people to invite you somewhere, why don;t you plan your own thing. If you want to go to a party, plan a party. If you want to take a trip to a cool place, plan it yourself and invite people out. Here’s a little secret, most people are looking to follow others. They don;t make plans for themselves and rely on others for their social life. If you can be the person that leads and organizes things, people will flock to you and you soon become the “popular” guy or girl.

Get Involved!
Do you like running, join a running club. Enjoy writing, join a writing group. Whatever you like to do, chances are that there is a group, club or team that enjoys that also. So find one you like and join up! Clubs and group are fantastic places to expand your social life. Not only do you get the social enjoyment of the group meeting but you can meet like minded people that can turn into personal friends. I know lots of people who met their best friend at a cooking class, or workout group.

---------------------------------

Not specific to getting women, but should help overall.

haha, not really the advice I was looking for, but thanks anyways