How to develop a closer, non-sexual relationship with a woman.

[AFK Protector]

I have many female friends. Yea, you might be saying, "HAHA LOSER!!!! LJBF'ed!!!!"

Well, that may be it, but I'm not looking for *****. I care about these women and like to talk with them. I am not an emotional tampon. This is a mutual relationship, but I just need it to develop deeper with more trust.

I'm sure all of you have a few female friends who aren't **** buddies. Please post on how you got so close and and suggesstions to increase a woman's trust in you. Thanks in advance.

 

[WestCoaster]

Here you go

I actually have a few women as friends, including some strikingly good looking ones ... yeah, I get hot for them, too, but at the moment we're just friends.

One thing being friends with women can do is give you a woman's perspective on how they handle relationships and why they are such drama queens, and why they act so whack a lot of the time.

The one thing I've tried to do is build trust. Even if I'm hot for them and they're not for me, I want them to believe they can trust me with all their heart and also be safe around me. This has truthfully turned some friends into girlfriends. They love trust. Listen, listen, listen, and don't judge. But if you disagree say so, but don't judge. Be confident and ****y and act like their friendship is super important to you, yet at the same time act like they should be frickin' lucky to have you as a friend.

I'll get flamed for this, but believe me this will get you far. Just don't be an AFC. Be classy, kind, and confident at the same time.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Openess and honesty!!! Well two of my closest female friends started out sexually but now it's 100% PURELY platonic!

Me and my female friends share everything, even intimate details about our sex lives. How? Just by always being honest and making sure the other party knows that we care for eachother and by asking the deep and personal question but also answering them!

 

[AFK Protector]

Whoa...whoa...great tips. I know they trust me on some level. How am I supposed to start convos about "deep stuff" and talk to them about personal feelings? Does this stuff just take time (i think so) or are there other things that I can do, such as treat everyone the same, and really make them feel that I'm following what they're feeling/saying.

Here's a specific scenario:

This girl is about a 8.5-9.0 in high school. She's not slutty and that's why I like talking to her. In our history class, it's basically just us two talking all the time. She talks to be about how this one friend betrayed her(kinda). I agreed, but I felt like I pushed it too much by saying "yea, she's always scheming behind peoples' backs" and stuff like that. Otherwise, I gave her some advice about how she should choose her friends carefully and not necessarily drop her friend, but just be aware of her advice in the future.

hmmm, I dunno if that's deep enough. I tease her a bit too getting lots of grins and playful "stop its." TY for you help and more advice is welcome.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Well with a couple of them (this sounds weird but all my CLOSE female friends are HB 8.5+) I had sex with them and that's how we got close! You see after I have sex with someone multiple times like a fvckbuddy or just some casual sex once inn a while, if I like the girl I keep her as a friend! With those two it got really close! We three are like a trio, we talk about everything!

I'm a VERY open guy when it comes to stuff (except my own feelings). I can tell a stranger about how many times I masturbate, or how I fvcked a girl so hard a bench broke or whatever. So with closer friends I can tell almost anything and people have a tendency to confy inn me. This openess but at the same time trustfullness (See, girls that just met me don't trust me at all, normally because they are attracted to me and I'm a player) but because I don't care about this and I show them somehow that I can be trusted (after a while) they just think i naturally...

What you need todo is do stuff with them, as friends! Have dinners together, watch movies together, go shopping together. Stuff like that... I love it when me and my female friends make dinner at one of our places, then sit down, eat, talk etc. When we do this one of them will often rest on my lap, or we'll intertangle legs or whatever. Maybe hold eachother or whatever. We have no barriers anymore, only one that we have somewhat is the sharing bed since one of them has a BF now... But like after school we've hit my dormroom (Cause I live 5 mins from school) and fell asleep on the bed with eachother. Nothing sexual about it, just two good friends resting.

You just need to work towards this, removing barriers, making her trust you, trust her, SHARE, do stuff!

 

[AFK Protector]

hmm, very good point about spending time together. No one really knows me. I'm just that sarcastic guy that hangs out with everyone and everybody. I don't attack/support and particular social group. Basically, everyone is cool with me, but no one is really close with me. Could my openness be decreasing the value of statements?

For now, I will keep it up and let time strengthen the bond. We give each other secret looks when some dumb@ss starts flirting with her or something. Only after a few weeks of me starting to value her as a friend ( we just knew each other by name before).

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

The openess shouldn't but that depends! You see as I said I'm very open about just about everything except FEELINGS and very personal stuff but THESE things I tell my female friends. Also when I talk to them about deep stuff or personal stuff I talk in a whole different voice/posture unconsciously! It makes them relax and believe me and trust me...

Btw just to tell you a fun fact about two of these best friends of mine... First time they saw (yes saw not talked) me they thought damn hot looking ******* they wanted to have sex with, they STILL think I'm that ******* but at the same time they care for me and tell me everything... Because I showed them I care for them!!!

See you gotta make sure they know they are special for you!

 

[AFK Protector]

I'm 15. This sex approach isn't going to work too well. We're both pretty conservative and I keep her laughing/smiling 80% of the time we talk. I think its just the time thing. I also need to control by b1tching. When she starts b1tching, I kinda of get sucked in....esp if I don't like that person either. Girls have said they liked talking with me because I make sense. Maybe they're just playing me. lol

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Ah that explains alot! Getting CLOSE personal relationships with the other sex at that age is actually kind of hard... But still do what I told you just don't PUSH or FORCE her (IMPORTANT!!)

 

[ScrewIt]

tough to make close female friends

hm...im not sure if you can call the girls i know friends.
they are more like acquaintences HB's 7-9.

A HB6 i think she got pissed at me for asking her friend out HB9.
her friend declined my invitation, well she just said she was busy. but anyway since her friend is the HB6's friend, im pretty sure she told her what i did. The HB6 had pretty high IL in me, maybe even likes me too. but yea, i think it may have been better to leave her friends out of this, so we can still be good buddies. im starting to think that she thinks im using her only to get to her HB friends, but im not. she's a cool person, even tho we only relaly hang out.

it's tough to make acquantences into friends, overall im a nice person and greet them. usually many of them choose not to.
asking them to hang out w/you is getting the idea of asking them out, thats why they usually may decline.

 

[coldcoal]

I agree with what Kinet[C]harm has said thus far. And I agree, try to get off te b*tching a little. It's better to be a comic relief than a shoulder...when you're close enough you'll know when to make those exeptions.

 

[AFK Protector]

Originally posted by Kineti[C]harm
Ah that explains alot! Getting CLOSE personal relationships with the other sex at that age is actually kind of hard... But still do what I told you just don't PUSH or FORCE her (IMPORTANT!!)

I'm not very assertive unless my values/ideas are challenged. Time will tell. I will post back with results. Maybe I'm just stuck in that mood where I think a 10 year long friendship will turn into a great love after we magically crash into each other.

Meh, I'm just confused right now. My plan is to keep up the teasing, watch more comedies and use some of their jokes. Make her feel good (guys kind of ignore her despite her looks; must be her conservativeness). There's this one guy who's a total faggot. He craps on me a lot in front of everyone, but I shoot back.

Example:

him: AFK Protector is a faggot! hahaha (yes, retards still inhabit this world)

me: ::ignores him if I can't really hear him or its just us::

me: (in front of others) Well, I guess everyone's entitled to their own opinion...


...but not you. you're an idiot.

him: no..YOU are the idiot.

this is when everyone else suffocates him with ****. I just stay cool and calm...but sometimes I have trouble with comebacks. I usually don't need comebacks, but the occassional dumbass comes along and you gotta be prepared for anything these days. Any good comebacks? I know a guy who's great at comebcaks...but only cuz he got flamed everyday in grade school. LMAO.

 

[HuuBinh]

since your a good conversationalist, give her a trust pattern. That should seal the deal!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Having a 'girl' friend is not a sin or a crime but I personally have no interest in being a "friend" with a girl! I rather play chess and philosophize with men! I get much more out of it then having trite conversations with women. It is all about how you want to spend your time within the finite time you have on this earth!!

If you get something beneficial from this female interaction then more power to you!

 

[AFK Protector]

My sarcasm detector is going off the charts.

ok, I am 15.....if you got laid when you were 15, good for you. But, my goal is not to get laid. My goal is to become more approachable, sociable. Getting laid is a very short sighted goal. My overall goal is obtaining alpha-male status. Somehow, i have been unconciously making progress, but that's the problem. Maybe if I knew what I was doing right, I'd be making MORE progress. Anyways, thanks for all you replies and feel free to offer more suggestions.


by the way...I was wondering what you meant by a "trust pattern" and how you deducted that I was a good conversationalist (not that I'm challenging you )