How to deal with your girl's girlfriends?

[BritBoy]

Posted on the other forum but been advised to post here at the Mature Man forum instead. So here goes:

Say you started seeing a girl and is introduced to her friends. How do you deal with it if her best friends turned out to be these dreadful women who think men are sh1t and who are the sort of people you find repulsive?

Do you go the honest route - tell your girl what you think or, just go with it?

On a deeper level - Do you believe that you can judge someone by the company he keeps and so next her. Or is that too harsh on the girl you are seeing?

Thoughts please.

 

[BobMo']

Ah, yes - the oldest and perhaps most universal conundrum in the dating/mating game. You're at the mercy of random elements. All you can do is be true to yourself, and be masculine, and hope for the best. That way, when it blows up (imo, women's girlfriends and sisters are the single most important obstacle men face), you've got some dignity to pack in the suitcase along with your other stuff.

 

[Colossus]

Posted on the other forum but been advised to post here at the Mature Man forum instead. So here goes:

Say you started seeing a girl and is introduced to her friends. How do you deal with it if her best friends turned out to be these dreadful women who think men are sh1t and who are the sort of people you find repulsive?

Do you go the honest route - tell your girl what you think or, just go with it?

On a deeper level - Do you believe that you can judge someone by the company he keeps and so next her. Or is that too harsh on the girl you are seeing?

Thoughts please.

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do, other than leave her and get back in the saddle.

DO NOT TELL HER WHAT YOU THINK OF HER FRIENDS!!! (unless it's positive)
This is totally fruitless. She will resent you for it and this will only accelerate your exit.

No other entity has quite the c0ckblocking power as a woman's gaggle of hens. Especially if they are single or just all-around toxic towards men. They will find something to dislike about you and start to poison her thinking towards you, until eventually the weaker link is broken (which if you are newly seeing each other is YOU).

And on a deeper level--I do believe you can judge someone by the company they keep, although it isn't absolute. I dont keep losers in my life, and I think my friends are more or less on the same life level as me. But guys are also more loyal, generally. My friends wouldn't try to game my gf behind my back, and if they did they would no longer be my friends. Women can be totally subversive with their friends and really need to be miserable or cynical together.

 

[BritBoy]

All you have to do is treat people the way you'd like to be treated. It's that simple.

If only it's that simple. Reason I asked the original question is, that I've recently started seeing someone who has a colourful drug taking and whoring past. Although she has totally (I take her word for it) changed since she's had her child a couple of years ago, she still has a couple of drug taking whoring female friends who go way back with her.

I am courteous to them at public but privately absolutely despise those two and see them as a toxic influence to her. As much as I am confident at her staying away from trouble I can tell she's feeling nostalgic just listening to her friends' recent conquests/(mis)adventures.

And like Colossus says I'd also like to think people like to keep friends who are more or less on the same life level as them. Hence the red flags and me considering next-ing her.

At the end of the day she can have whatever friends she wants to have in her life but do I HAVE to have those people in my life too? Just wondering if those of you who are more experienced in this put up with this sort of thing, or in the long run it's really quite futile and I should just cut and run and move on.

 

[Colossus]

People do change. However, I would never let a woman in my life who keeps that kind of company; even if she is 'reformed'. Just food for thought...

 

[BritBoy]

People do change. However, I would never let a woman in my life who keeps that kind of company; even if she is 'reformed'. Just food for thought...

Cheers Colossus. I totally agree. Just a bit of a minefield really. I have subtlety suggested her friends might be bad influence and she came back and slated me for 'having problems with strong and independent women'!!!!!

Already have to deal with her troublesome 2 year old and her slightly chaotic living arrangement, so this is increasingly looking like a bridge to far for me.

Would you guys put up with it?

 

[Hemingway]

A little understanding of the situation would help you become more objective, above it. Don't be petty. If you feel a situation has to be "put up with," then it isn't for you.

A woman's friends think they are looking out for her best interests, but often they are projecting their own misery and worldview upon her. Instead of saying, you need to get out there and have some fun, they are trying to prevent her from getting hurt. If the girl is smart enough, she'll see their intentions are good but also reject their message.

 

[Warrior74]

DO NOT TELL HER WHAT YOU THINK OF HER FRIENDS!!! (unless it's positive)
This is totally fruitless. She will resent you for it and this will only accelerate your exit.
And on a deeper level--I do believe you can judge someone by the company they keep, although it isn't absolute.

No, do tell her what you think of her friends. Her friends are your examples for your boundaries. For example, after me and my ex had gotten serious I got to know her friends...she had two sets, the nice girl crew who were loyal, faithful,decent girls and the bad girl crew which was her friends from high school who were big time party girls and cheaters. She would tell me about how this crew would cheat on their husbands, tell all sorts of lies go out and get sh1tfaced drunk and how the husbands would put up with it and take them back. I told her right off the bat, if you want to be like them, that's great. But you will be single and I don't believe in all that working it out and taking you back after you've been out screwing other guys. I also told her birds of a feather flock together. The first time she stepped out of line, I was gone. She begged for me to come back, but I gave my word and I stuck to it. On my way out the door I reminded her...I told you I wasn't like "___" husband.

Recently went to a birthday party for some of the kids and the bad girl crew was there...they are all single but one who I was later informed by the rest is cheating on her husband because he is boring. These dumb broads never learn. My ex is in a terrible relationship now where this guy keeps her on lockdown 247 taking care of his 3 kids. If she could be out drinking and **** hopping, trust me she would. If they have shady friends...let it be a red flag. Call it out loud and pack your bags.

 

[jophil28]

I have subtlety suggested her friends might be bad influence and she came back and slated me for 'having problems with strong and independent women'!!!!!

Women use those words to defend their behavior and shame you into silence.
Whevever I have heard a woman say that crap, I have subsequently seen her act selfishly and inconsiderately . Every time I have heard that, it was uttered by a woman who turned out to be 'a problem'.
Within a few weeks she will also be accusing you of acting variously," Controlling, possessive, demanding, domineering and abusive."
And so the dowmward spiral starts...

Proceed with this woman at your own risk.

 

[BritBoy]

Thank you all for your input. We had a 'chat'. Timing not great (her birthday!) Got heated and I got accused of having 'problems with strong and independent women' again!!! And apparently this time according to her me using porn every now and then has something to do with it!! What logic?!!!

Still feel slightly raw from it, as I hate to tar her with the same brush as her friends. But probably right thing to do as too many red flags to be considered as LTR material.

Cheers for all the advice and support again.

 

[OFWHAP]

When trying to give up drugs, you're supposed to give up the lifestyle which led to your drug use. You can't kick the drugs if you're still hanging out with a bunch of junkies.

 

[BritBoy]

Women use those words to defend their behavior and shame you into silence.
Whevever I have heard a woman say that crap, I have subsequently seen her act selfishly and inconsiderately . Every time I have heard that it was uttered by a woman who turned out to be 'a problem'.
Then ,within a few weeks she is also accusing you of being variously," Controlling, possessive, demanding, domineering and abusive."
And so the dowmward spiral starts...

Proceed with this wowan at you own risk.

Well said Jophil. Thanks for your input

 

[quicklearner]

Britboy,

The red flags are everywhere

-A person with a “colourful drug taking and whoring past”
-Ongoing company with low quality women.
-Single mother

I’m guessing, but likely has a low level of education.
As others have recommended, eject from this situation ASAP.

 

[catman]

Britboy,

The red flags are everywhere

-A person with a “colourful drug taking and whoring past”
-Ongoing company with low quality women.
-Single mother

I’m guessing, but likely has a low level of education.
As others have recommended, eject from this situation ASAP.

Take this advice and run like the wind Shes already told you what your in for if you stay?Dont waste anymore of your breath trying to explain this to her either!!!