How to deal with this buffoon

[Stephen89]

So I'm invited to an event and this guy who's 10 years older than me is sarcastic and a bully.

These are the things he has done:

1) coming back from the bus 2 years ago he goes "I try to look like in the mirror trying to look like a barbie girl." In front of everyone.

2) his friend asked at the football match "this new goal is our secret weapon"...and this guy goes "who STEPHEN".

3) On the stage he goes to people "where's Stephen"?

Now on the whatsapp he told my cousin "you can keep your feet up...you can let Stephen do the cooking" with a laughing face.

I have said lol back to his comment.

Thanks

 

[Chev.Chelios]

he bothered you baddddd lol..
you must be able to laugh at yourself the same as anyone else can tool or laugh at you.

some of the best friends I've had are guys who fcked with me hard... chit, some even made me want to kill them and brought me to tears in my younger years lawl. ruthless azzholes that just like to test you/use you for their fun at your expense.

 

[Stephen89]

Thanks man.

You're right, however I'm surprised that he knows I'm going to do better than him career wise and he still can't respect me.

He does follow the crowd.

At least he knows I'll do better than him so that angers him more lol.

 

[flowtheory]

Lol..

Men sh!t test men all the time to see who is strong and can hold their own. Sh!t tests are everywhere once you open your eyes to them. And it’s establishing who is the top in the male dynamic.
Look at younger kids; they all constantly zinging each other to establish the pecking order of whos on top. He’s Alphaing you and you’re taking it on the chin. So especially in groups, and with females, he’s going to show he’s dominant over at least someone.

Anytime someone tries to crack a joke at my expense I immediately shoot back with a solidly sharp witted remark which kicks them down pretty fast and probably put them temporarily lower then me if they have no rebuttal back. Or I simply laugh with them, if it’s honesty funny and doesn’t cross a boundary. It’s a game man, and not to be taken too seriously. None of this is. Gaming with women, and shooting the sh!t with a group of men.

Now, if a guy is being an actual ‘bully’ and mean spirited to put you down, then that’s different, and in that case I would confront.

 

[ohrein]

Agree and amplify, honestly. If the guys having fun with you, being an a$$hole is going to make you look weak and insecure. If the guys being an a$$hole, being an a$$hole back is just going to take you to his level. Agree and amplify is perfect because it shows ultimate confidence, keeps the situation light hearted and shows off your wit.

Him : Stephen is a little girl!
You : Haha, are you peeping in my windows at night? I'm very proud of my doll collection, what do you think of it?

 

[ubercat]

Come on kid you've got to learn a few comebacks. If he says you can do the cooking say great he can do the dishes I reckon you'd love a frilly apron

Or agree and amplify on yourself. If he says you can do the cooking go into your best b******* French chef act and start shouting at him in a bad accent all I want to hear from you is YES CHEF. And then smile and Clap him on the shoulders. And then if he gets bent out of shape perfect..smile and say come on mate you can take a joke.

So the principles are: make it funny entertain the group Steal The Spotlight with some slightly over the top behaviour which gives you the social power and then position yourself as his best mate. Once you show you can stand up for yourself you may become his best mate most guys respect strength or if not you're better placed to destroy him.

Go do some improv classes so you become a bit more quick fire.

This approach is much lower social risk then going the stone cold killer routine and fronting him. If you decide to go down that path make sure you do it with him privately so you can deny everything and be ready for it to get physical if he really is a bully through and through.

And this is advice from a guy who's done over 20 years of martial arts and could snap most guys necks in a couple seconds. Confrontation is not the way deflection and using the power of the group is so much better.

 

[Serenity]

If you can be funnier, do it! Do not try hard though, if you don't come up with a good comeback on the spot you're better off laughing along with it. If you do go for a comeback it must not come from being negatively affected by what he said, it should be with a friendly undertone.

 

[Murk]

Ok first of all I don't know who this Stephen guy is but he sounds like he can do my laundry so please PM me his details, my socks smell like *** for real.

Secondly, Stephen, stop being a fvcking *****. What this thread should be titled is "I'm tired of being a *****, how do I man up?"

I gave similar advice the other day. It's a life thing, you either play your position (Stephen the ***** boy) or you turn the tide and finally decide for yourself to be counted as a human being, an equal, it's hard, it's an uncomforting zone to be in. You need to lay the gauntlet down and say enough is enough, or just stop accepting ***** behaviour. Depending on your friendship group (which you ultimately included yourself into) you'll have : 1) to ***** out and find new friends 2) stay the *****, or 3) confront him.

I know you're ***** out and continue, hopefully you flip and punch him. Keep us posted.