How to deal with the dreaded ex boyfriend?

[usscrum]

Ok so if anyone was following my thread from a couple weeks ago I am still talking to the girl I met at a party a couple weeks ago. The 2 of us went to carowinds yesterday (her idea, plus she drove and paid for my ticket). ended up going out with her and some of her friends last night and having a good time. i stayed over, but only got her shirt off and a few heated makeout sessions. no worries, i'll be banging her shortly...she's had bad experiences in the past with guys trying to get in her pants so she's making me wait to see if i actually like her. i played it cool when she came in with the last minute ASD (when i tried to finger her) so i feel like i passed the test and its a green light next time i stay over with her.

she's a really laid back girl, easy to talk to, doesn't blow up my phone, doesn't like typical mushy stuff (presents, flowers, guys paying for her...can you say jackpot???), but the only problem is her ex boyfriend. now i don't know the whole situation because i've been following the advice from this site...which is to not talk about him at all...but from what i understand they dated pretty much all throughout high school (she's a freshman in college this year). she says she ended things, and they go to different schools, but i think its the type of thing where he's the guy she compares all her boyfriends to, the guy she always ends up going back to, etc.

now i am not jealous or anything, i have only known this girl for like 3 weeks and i have no doubt i'm better than whoever this guy is, but she keeps talking about him. she is the kind of girl that is constantly talking, and he was a big part of her life for 4 years so naturally the ex will come up in conversations about her past, but i don't know how to handle it. if i want to start dating this girl, do i tell her to quit talking about him? or do i just keep doing what i'm doing now, which is just ignoring it?

i typically get way too attached to girls that i am talking to, but i'm not that way with this girl. part of that is because i've learned so much from this site and my mindset is changing, but also i think my subconscious is not letting me get invested in this girl because in the back of my mind i feel like she's still in love with him.

 

[Scars]

Ok so if anyone was following my thread from a couple weeks ago I am still talking to the girl I met at a party a couple weeks ago. The 2 of us went to carowinds yesterday (her idea, plus she drove and paid for my ticket). ended up going out with her and some of her friends last night and having a good time. i stayed over, but didn't get anything other than a heated makeout session. no worries, i'll be banging her shortly...she's had bad experiences in the past with guys trying to get in her pants so she's making me wait to see if i actually like her.

she's a really laid back girl, easy to talk to, doesn't blow up my phone, doesn't like typical mushy stuff (presents, flowers, guys paying for her...can you say jackpot???), but the only problem is her ex boyfriend. now i don't know the whole situation because i've been following the advice from this site...which is to not talk about him at all...but from what i understand they dated pretty much all throughout high school (she's a freshman in college this year). she says she ended things, and they go to different schools, but i think its the type of thing where he's the guy she compares all her boyfriends to, the guy she always ends up going back to, etc.

now i am not jealous or anything, i have only known this girl for like 3 weeks and i have no doubt i'm better than whoever this guy is, but she keeps talking about him. she is the kind of girl that is constantly talking, and he was a big part of her life for 4 years so naturally the topic will come up, but i don't know how to handle it. if i want to start dating this girl, do i tell her to quit talking about him? or do i just keep my cool and change the subject whenever she brings him up?

There's a few things that are making me cringe here. You say you met her at a party (which in itself isn't entirely bad) but then you proceed to go on and talk about her being respectful and making you "wait" and all that jazz, which I'm sorry to say I think is a load of bullsh!t. She just got out of a relationship, a loooong one at that. The first thing on her mind is getting some d!ck. My theory is she just got out of a relationship, she was looking for some sort of satisfaction and qualification (that's when you came in) so you are tickling her little emotion buttons while her ex is in the background fvcking her. To her it's a win-win she gets both the emotional and physical satisfaction.

Another thing that is a red flag is you said you hung out with her... AND her friends? What the FVCK?! There's nothing I hate more than being with a girl and having a bunch of third wheels rolling around. You got back to her place and all you got a makeout session? I know it's not what you want to hear but she is using you, stop being a tool.

In my deepest and most honest opinion I would next her. But I know how the guys are on these boards, they hardly ever take the advice, or they wait until somebody posts what they want to hear and then follow that advice. If you're not going to listen to me then at least cut back on the attention you give her, see if her IL goes up. Don't talk about her ex, in fact if it does come up just simply say you don't care if she talks to him and encourage the fact you are glad she can still remain friends with her ex after the break up. It will throw her for a loop. Don't try to control her, do just the opposite. And for christ sakes.. throw some other girls into the loop. If she is going to be out fvcking other dudes then you better be pounding some hott piece of ass on the side.

 

[KontrollerX]

Iron Rule of Tomassi #3
Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait.

This also applies to women's "sexual filibustering".

When a woman makes you wait for sex you are not her highest priority. Sexuality is spontaneous, chemical reaction between two parties, not a process of negotiation. It's sex first, then relationship, not the other way around. A woman who wants to ƒuck you will fly across the country, crawl under barbwire, climb in through your second story bedroom window, ƒuck you like a porn star and wait patiently inside your closet if your wife/GF comes home early from work - women who want to ƒuck will find a way to ƒuck. The girl who tells you she wants a relationship first or "just isn't comfortable with you yet" is the same girl who ƒucked the "totally hot guy" in the foam cannon party in Cancun with her girlfriends on spring break half an hour after meeting him.

If a girl is that into you she'll ƒuck regardless of ASD or having her friends in the room videotaping it at a frat party. All women can be sexual, you just have to be the right guy to bring it out in them, and this happens before you go back to her place. If you have to plead your case cuddling and spooning on the bed or getting the occasional peck on the cheek, you need to go back to square one and start fresh. You cannot negotiate genuine desire.

This is exactly why you spin plates.

 

[Allurre]

Dude, next time she raises her ex up, confront her.

Tell her "Hey, if you truly respect me, I would appreciate it if you stopped talking about him. I just don't like turning back to the past. Thank you for understanding."

 

[usscrum]

You say you met her at a party (which in itself isn't entirely bad) but then you proceed to go on and talk about her being respectful and making you "wait" and all that jazz, which I'm sorry to say I think is a load of bullsh!t.

It wasn't a "party" party...it was a formal thing for my buddy's fraternity initiation. And about the waiting thing, she has told me she's never had sex with a guy she wasn't dating, and we have only known each other for 3 weeks. Also, we go to different schools and it was only the 3rd or 4th time we hung out. I realize that girls who talk about waiting for sex are usually not worth it, but its not like this girl has been putting me off for months. The next time we stay the night together I think it'll happen...if it doesn't, I think thats when i will start to worry. Her IL is very high right now.

Another thing that is a red flag is you said you hung out with her... AND her friends? What the FVCK?! There's nothing I hate more than being with a girl and having a bunch of third wheels rolling around. You got back to her place and all you got a makeout session? I know it's not what you want to hear but she is using you, stop being a tool.

We drove to the theme park together, came back to her dorm on a saturday night. we're in college...we arent just going to sit there. my friends who go to her school were busy, so we were going to go downtown with 2 of her girlfriends and their boyfriends. they were really cool and we ended up just playing drinking games the whole night.

In my deepest and most honest opinion I would next her. But I know how the guys are on these boards, they hardly ever take the advice, or they wait until somebody posts what they want to hear and then follow that advice. If you're not going to listen to me then at least cut back on the attention you give her, see if her IL goes up. Don't talk about her ex, in fact if it does come up just simply say you don't care if she talks to him and encourage the fact you are glad she can still remain friends with her ex after the break up. It will throw her for a loop. Don't try to control her, do just the opposite. And for christ sakes.. throw some other girls into the loop. If she is going to be out fvcking other dudes then you better be pounding some hott piece of ass on the side.

I hear you and i appreciate the advice. the ex thing truly doesn't bother me enough to confront her about right now, so i'll just keep ignoring it. i always have my eye on other girls so there will be more plates.


i dont know...i guess i just dont subscribe to the mindset that every girl who doesn't give it up on the 2nd date is a headcase. if its something that goes on for much longer then yeah there's obviously something going on, but saturday/sunday was the only time we hung out with each other for an extended period of time. her IL spiked when i left yesterday so i'm going to try again next time i get the opportunity. if i don't get anything, i'll probably put her on the backburner.