How to deal with sensitive women?

[StevenR]

I am in a relationship with a woman and things seem to be going fairly well so far, however we do get in fights occasionally. Sometimes I will say things that she may interpret as insensitive or that will somehow hurt her feelings, even when I don't mean to.

I have always had the problem of sometimes saying things without thinking first. In my mind, they are not huge things, for instance, she was asking if I thought she would be good at doing a sport/hobby that I do, and I said something like "perhaps, but there is no way to tell for sure unless you try it". Somehow that got interpreted to mean "no, I don't think you can do it, you are too stupid, etc." when that is not what I meant at all.

Another time I said something jokingly about her sister that she took as offensive and we got into an argument. I suppose it might have been a little, but I have joked about/with my own siblings in a similar manner and no one takes it that way. Another time she got angry when she thought I was driving a little too aggressively. I didn't want to apologize and admit I was wrong because I thought, even though I may have been a little aggressive with my driving I wasn't as bad as she was saying I was. I am not quite sure how to handle these situations when they happen. She is a bit sensitive from my perspective, but otherwise a great girl. Any thoughts about how to handle this, other than "next her"?

 

[decentguy]

Talk to her about it. Tell her that you feel she sometimes reacts over-sensitively. Maybe reassure her a bit, but don't overdo it.

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

Reassuring her if and when she over reacts is only going to reinforce that behavior. It's like training a dog, you don't punish, but you give great, exaggerated rewards for a job well done. It takes a lot of patience. I can't see you talking to her about this and her not getting defensive. I don't think you should 'next' her if you really like her, but rather, be UNREACTIVE, over time if she needs that reassurance fix, she'll have to develop a new way to get it.

Don't pick a time when she is over-reacting to bring it up. Maybe when things are good, ( and you may have to be prepared for opening up this can of worms), say something to her like, "Honey, I want to talk to you about such and such the other day. I understand your point of view that... (insert empathetic statement here), but I think you reacted a bit strongly..."

Good luck!!

 

[KontrollerX]

Dude...

The girl is overly sensitive.

You are normal.

With this relationship...

-You are trying to ice skate uphill.

-You are smashing your head into a wall over and over again expecting a different result than that of your skull getting cracked open and blood flowing down your forehead.

-You are attempting to survive a 30,000ft skydiving attempt without a parachute or any other kind of gliding or floating device.

-You are putting an icecube tray filled with water into a refrigerator freezer expecting the water not to freeze and turn into ice cubes.

Solution?

Stop trying to make the impossible possible.

Next this girl and go find someone not so g0ddamned sensitive.

Find someone normal like you.

Otherwise accept the fact that you are a masochist and enjoy this sort of pain. :crazy:

 

[joshlavarn2009]

This girl is trying to neuter you. Period. She wants to deball you and turn you into her gay friend.

Next time she cries over jack crap, announce she should only cry if someone dies, not over stupid girly crap because it gives you a head ache and that you think she is trying to be a drama queen. Call a spade a spade.

She needs to learn to stop this annoying behavior. Tell her when she acts "sensitive" all the time that she is not fun to be around, and tell her you are going to play video games instead of being around her. Watch, she will stop the crying asap I bet and regain her emotions and be pissed at you.

This girl needs her balls busted a little. Spoiled princess dude!

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

Next time she cries over jack crap, announce she should only cry if someone dies, not over stupid girly crap because it gives you a head ache and that you think she is trying to be a drama queen. Call a spade a spade.

Saying these things will only ESCALATE her behavior. You've got to be wiser than that. Do you honestly think that saying something like that will make her stop and say, "Wow, thanks, Honey! I never knew how annoying I was until you pointed it out!" No, she surely will not, and yet another fight will break out, (HEY, perfect time to stage a break-up)!!

 

[joshlavarn2009]

Dude she is spoiled. Friggin her parents let her get away with that garbage her whole life. Chicks in Army boot camp manage to stop acting sensitive all the time because a drill instructor will bust their balls. You need to be the powerful drill instructor and lead her in proper behavior.

No one has confronted her on this. She needs to learn if she acts sensitive and annoying that you will hang up or go do something else. That is how you modify her behavior you hate about her.

Talking like a gay friend to her about her stupid sensitivity is the gayist thing in the world.


And she would not break up with him over that comment.

 

[StevenR]

My previous gf was a BPD nutcase, at least this one isn't..so far. She is just a bit sensitive and maybe clingy.

 

[KontrollerX]

My previous gf was a BPD nutcase, at least this one isn't..so far. She is just a bit sensitive and maybe clingy.

Not all BPD/HPD's what have you are extroverts in their expression of the illness.

Many put on the shy act and behave in a highly passive aggressive fashion.

I've had both the extrovert and the introvert shy type.

She ever go silent on you as part of her passive aggressive anger display utilizing passive aggressive's most retardedly annoying trait?

 

[StevenR]

Not all BPD/HPD's what have you are extroverts in their expression of the illness.

Many put on the shy act and behave in a highly passive aggressive fashion.

I've had both the extrovert and the introvert shy type.

She ever go silent on you as part of her passive aggressive anger display utilizing passive aggressive's most retardedly annoying trait?

nope, but I have gone silent on her a couple of times, not because I am passive aggressive, but because I didn't really know how to respond to her getting upset over something I said. Then she would get even more upset by my silence. Keep in mind 99% of the time things have gone well, and so far we have worked through these other miscommunications.

 

[sodbuster]

You may have to break up with her-women are never wrong. Ask around and see how many women wouldn't listen in marriage counseling,wouldn't even show up[my friend called her on this bs and said we are done with counseling-you want a divorce,fine-they are still married]

Withhold affection and attention when she pulls this stuff,tell her to quit being so sensitive etc may work. BUT she may have low self esteem if she's over sensitive or she may be a princess who has to control you-you can't drive fast or criticise her.

When you've given up trying to change her, you can always tell her"why don't you quit your *****ing and go home and grow some tits?"