"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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How to deal with Phone Phobia

SDBmania

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I have been dealing with working on eliminating my "Phone Phobia." It seems like I have trouble sometimes calling people on the phone. At least, I have alwaysed seem to have that problem. As an expireanced "Fear Fighter," I can say that there are 2 main proceedures for defeating fear and anxiety:

A) Mental rationality- Some times the easiest way to eliminate fear is by simply asking some logical questions. Often times your fears are illogical, such as: If you are afraid of water or women. You can then pick apart these fears by asking rational questions. Like: Is this normal? What is the worse case scenario? Role play can help as well. Often all it takes is rational thought to make you realise your fear is baseless and illogical.

B) Jumping in the pool- Have you ever gone to the pool and the water was so cold, so you just dipped your toe in? You don't want to get in, because the water is too cold, so you just take your time and get used to the water. Well, that's all well and good, but I was doing that when it came to dating and it really wasn't working for me. Sometimes, you just got to jump in. If you do, then you'll get used to the cold water pretty quick! This is true with fear, as well. Sometimes, a fear seems so strong that you can not fix it with rational thinking. So, you have to force your self. Find a way to push yourself to do what it is you are so afraid of.

I used to be very insecure about talking on the phone. Now, I'm getting much better. I was able to give myself reasons that I had to call someone and there was no way around it. This last semester, I was directing a scene for my Directing class. I had to call my actors often to talk, so that was a great oppourtuneity to face my fear. Once you get used to talking to people on the phone, you can then move up to talking to women you want to date. One thing that worked for me was telling myself that I could do it. That I was not afraid, that I had the courage. Sometimes, our internal dialouge keeps us down. I know that when ever I wanted to call a girl, I'd always felt unworthy among other things. Turn all those negitive thoughts to positive thoughts. It just could do the trick! Also, I called her first thing in the morning, before I had much time to over think it.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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johnny_chase

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i use to think of the phone as an appliance, and as such used it as one;only when absolutely necessary, so my conversations were often pretty utilitarian. In person, i'm a pretty animated person, but one of my buddies, after asking me a thousand times if i was mad at him while talking to him on the phone, finally told me that phone conversations arent my best quality.

So, i set out to change that. First of all, i wanted to see how i sounded over the phone, so what i did was i just got a newspaper and a mic for my comp and recorded myself talking, and let me tell you, it freaked me out. So first i fixed that.

As for the fear about dialing those digits, just do it. That's the only way i can put it. One tip though, do it when you feel like it. If you sit there and keep telling yourself that you have to phone her now, you wont, and if you do it'll suck.

Phone her when you are good and ready, and when YOU feel like it, always works for me. Three day? F!ck that, sometimes i phone the next day, or 5 days later. Whenever you feel like it, and just let it flow

peace
 

WaterTiger

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Originally posted by Don Ronny
two words that will eliminate this fear...

crank calls
HA! Classic!:cool:
 

SDBmania

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Good idea Jonny, and thanks for adding some good advice. Hopefully, we can help those who need help.

Crank calls? Hehe, not the best way i'd say!
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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noseguard20

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Originally posted by johnny_chase
i use to think of the phone as an appliance, and as such used it as one;only when absolutely necessary, so my conversations were often pretty utilitarian. In person, i'm a pretty animated person, but one of my buddies, after asking me a thousand times if i was mad at him while talking to him on the phone, finally told me that phone conversations arent my best quality.

So, i set out to change that. First of all, i wanted to see how i sounded over the phone, so what i did was i just got a newspaper and a mic for my comp and recorded myself talking, and let me tell you, it freaked me out. So first i fixed that.

As for the fear about dialing those digits, just do it. That's the only way i can put it. One tip though, do it when you feel like it. If you sit there and keep telling yourself that you have to phone her now, you wont, and if you do it'll suck.

Phone her when you are good and ready, and when YOU feel like it, always works for me. Three day? F!ck that, sometimes i phone the next day, or 5 days later. Whenever you feel like it, and just let it flow

peace
Thats what I'm talking about. Set your own rules.
 

Ricky

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I still get nervous the first time I call a new girl...

The best advice I have is
1) Run or lift right up to the time of your call

2) Have a few drinks (ONLY A FEW)
 
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